Indulgence.

February 28, 2011 at 11:04 pm 1 comment

If you read through my archives and know me well or at least to some extent, chances are you can skim over this and not learn a thing.  But I’m going to try and keep this interesting and new.  I’m going to attempt to dive deep into the depths of my heart, soul (to the bottom of my toes) and reach for some facts that may interest some and possibly bore others.  Let’s see what we can come up with:

1. I used to be a boy.  Except – not biologically.  I was a total tomboy throughout most of my elementary school years and most of my high school years.  I wore boy’s clothes and had short boyish hair.  I realize I am total sex-stereotyping the male species and I’m not trying to do that I am merely using ‘the boy’ (a common, ‘average’ iconic image of a boy) as a point of reference for my former identity.  A lot of this can be chalked up to the fact that I was extremely self-conscious, not at all comfortable in my own body, and so I hid behind baggy, boyish clothes so as to not draw attention to the fact that I was a female who sucked at loving herself.

2. Eating noises make me turn into the crazy person that resides deep within the darkness of my soul.  I feel terrible for Kyle, because he is the only one that makes me comfortable enough to spaz out on in regards to eating noises.  By eating noises I mean the awful smacking when chewing bites of cereal, the excessive clinking of the utensil against the serving dish, the horrible breathing noises (even worse when the particular individual is congested), and the all-encompassing Mouth Open Whilst Chewing phenomenon that isn’t so much of a phenomenon for some people as it is a potential death sentence.

3. I have really great friends and family members. I may not have busloads of friends lining up to see me every day, but the few friends that I have are really really really amazing and genuine.  Not about to name any names (what are we, 10?) but if you are reading this thinking you are one of the above-mentioned, then y’all probably are.  Pat yourselves on the back because you deserve it and much much more.

4. I got pregnant while using the Flexi-T copper IUD as a form of (apparently not) contraception. I’m pretty good friends with my body (now, though not so much when I was a boy) and I knew when something was wonky about it.  Turns out things were wonky because point A led to point B which ultimately led to point C.  Point A being that my IUD fell out of my uterus which caused point B, a pregnancy, resulting in the amazing point C for my beautiful little Cade.  Would I still recommend the IUD?  Yes.  Am I still considering getting another one?  I am.

5. My family consists of Kyle, myself, our son Cade, and our Maltese Yorkshire Terrier Lily. I would not ask for anything more, ‘cept for a few more dollar bills.  We live in a rental home in the Buena Vista neighbourhood in Saskatoon.  A perfect neighbourhood for leisurely walks, parks, families, and pooches.  We’ve lived in our current home since July of 2008, and from July 2008 – July 2010, one of my besties Jenna also lived with us.

6. I have had post-partum struggles.  I know I’ve blogged what seems like incessantly about this topic but that is because it is a topic that is/was at the forefront of some of my days.  I don’t know if it is to the extent of PPD, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.  I don’t know that a label is important at this stage in the game – I am taking care of myself and my family and I am overall feeling okay.  I have days where I feel like crap about any and everything and I am sure to talk to Kyle on those days about what I am feeling.  I feel like I talk the subject to death but yet often have trouble talking about it because I feel like it is minimal and I need to step up to the plate and get over things.  I am considering seeking out a therapist (I really should stop talking about this and just do it already) to work through some things and just to get me on the right healthy healing track.  All post-partum talk aside, please don’t worry about me just because I said I’ve had struggles.  I’ve got a great support system which, if I didn’t have, I really wonder how these struggles would have played out.  But ’cause the support is there and because I know what I need, I’m not worried.

7. I love my dog more than I ever thought I could love an animal.  I never understood the love for a pet until Lily graced our lives.  She does that every single day, except for those moments of the day when she pees on the carpet, or wrestles with her doggy-friend on our bed when I am trying to sleep.  She is the funniest animal I know, so caring and lovable, and so so so funny.  Thinking about the day when she will no longer be with us makes me want to puke.  Which is why I don’t think about it often.

8. Giving birth was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the most rewarding. Think of the hardest workout you have ever had to do and multiply it by a trillion.  I imagine that is what giving birth is like.  It’s hard work, it’s exhausting, and it doesn’t always feel super great physically, but emotionally and spiritually I was above the moon for probably the whole time I was in labour and when my little guy plopped out of me.  I say plopped because that is literally what happened – none of this head first, then shoulders, then body.  After an hour of pushing and bringing Cade down the birth canal, Cade was born in one gigantic push.  Yowsas.

9. I am slightly OCD.  I like to have things just so and organized.  If there are things on the coffee table, that sort of annoys me, but if that is how it is going to be, I at least have to straighten them up so they aren’t angled weirdly or crooked.  This includes but is not limited to: books, game controller, remote, Kyle’s glasses.  They have to be just so, and cannot be scattered about the table, but rather stacked neatly on the corner of the table.  Since having Cade, I have not been able to be as much of a neat freak and have had to let things (read: messes) go for a lot longer than I would like.  It is hard but I think I am getting a bit better at this.  Still doesn’t mean I like it, it’s more so out of necessity. I am also OCD about my hair straightener and have been for years and years.  I am always paranoid I will leave it on and burn the house down.  One Christmas a few years ago, my brother and I were taking the bus to Yorkton, and while at the bus depot late at night, I had a panic attack that my straightener was on and the apartment was going to burn down.  I remembered one of the names on the apartment buzzer list, and so looked in the phone book for their phone number and called them to get the landlord’s phone number so she could go to our apartment and check.  So crazy.  And do you think the straightener was actually left on?

10. I have been blogging for many years.  It all started probably in 2003, with a Blurty account, which then transferred over to a LiveJournal account, and then an account over at Blogger.  I believe those accounts were all private because I was too chicken to share some things with the world.  I’ve always loved to write and have had paper journals prior to online journals.  I wish I could blog/journal more, and it’s not that I can’t, it’s just that I don’t.  I get writer’s block far too often and sometimes feel that what I have to say does not need to be written out for the world to see, mostly because it’s too boring.  Turns out when I go back and read it years later, I am thoroughly entertained.

I couldn’t complete this post until I came up with 10 things.  They’re not as interesting as I had planned when I first started this post, but so be it.  Sometimes I really like to talk about things in my life so changes are good that you will see another post like this in the near future.  Today I challenged myself to blog every day in March, but then later dismissed that because I thought it impossible.  Should I attempt it?  We shall see.  I put too much pressure on myself to blog about heavy issues, when really, when I go back and read my little musings, they are often the best and most entertaining posts I’ve written.  Where shall this challenge take me I do not know.  Could take me to a daily March blogging adventure, or it could not.  Goodevening & goodnight! <3

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Breast Blog. Today’s Things.

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Elizabeth  |  February 28, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    Hahaha – I couldn’t help but laugh at the whole annoyance of chewing and related noises, that stuff drives me mental too!! I know I make crunching noises when I eat, too, but it always sounds so much LOUDER and more OBNOXIOUS when you’re listening to someone else do it!!!

    Great post in general, and I would love love LOVE it if you posted every day in March!! (No pressure though!) :D

    XO

    Reply

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