Photo a Day May: Something beautiful – 30.

Today, amidst the hustle bustle of the work week and the congestion of traffic. And the insanity that life can sometimes be. And the longing to just beeeee with my boy.  There was beauty. You sometimes have to search high and low to find it. I know I do. But its usually there, somewhere. That is all part of the journey, is seeking out the beauty, and oh what a journey this can be.  To be honest, I am constantly surrounded by a lot of beauty. Theres the obvious people, things, activities, thoughts that generate such.  They keep me going, and if I may there are even days where I classify myself into that group. C’mon, if I cannot see my own self in a desirable light, how the F am I supposed to find it elsewhere? Thems the breaks, s’pose thats why some days are just so dang difficult, why some days that glorious light can be so darn hard to find.
But where I was going with this was, today I saw the sun and it looked and felt wonderful. I was on the way to pick up lovebugboy from daycare and life was good, my new prescription sunglasses (!!!) were working their magic, and the day was overoverover. That sun shone and shone and warmed and warmed. Just the right amount too. I was not scorching nor was I blinded and headachey and blinded by the brightness. It was perfect, balmy, and beautiful. To top the night off, we went for our usual evening walk and that fresh newly summer air was just right.
What was that something beautiful in your day today?

Photo a Day May: 12 o’clock – 26.

Today’s challenge had us take a photo at 12. PM or AM it did not matter. I chose pm and this is what you get. Yardwork.
We cleaned up the front patch so we can revamp it all up. Thinking easier low maintenance, wood chips and a couple  big pots of flowers. The fun part will be picking them out.
And as you can see, I have one furry helper, and my other non furry helper boy was having his morning nap.  Slightly jealous I was, but Kyle and I ended up getting quite a lot accomplished today. Even managed to squeeze in a walk and a quick visit with friends.
T’was a good Saturday indeed.

Photo a Day May: Something new – 24.

I am obsessed with Winners.
I found the skirt I have been searching for there, last night.
I am in heaven. My boy has a ton of clothes and this mama was just not up to par with that.  Was.
I am now.  Woop. Green pants, check. 
Summer, here we come.

Photo a Day May: Where I stand – 21.

This was where I stood for a good chunk of the weekend.  In the wilderness (kinda).  The wind was pretty fierce but the clouds and sun even more so.  They persevered and came out ahead in the end.
Wish I could wake up and see nature and life like this every morning.  How we must learn (or maybe its just me?) to treasure those finer moments.  A morning coffee in the backyard while the boy plays.  A just woke up groggy caffeing perking up conversation with my loved ones. A late night snuggle with the one and only.  Life is grand, and its a four day week, and again next week too, so we’ve got that.
Where I stand.

Photo a Day May: A smell you adore – 8.

I almost put up a photo of my morning coffee, or the fresh blackberries I had for lunch, and even considered another photo of the boy (because we all know and love that baby smell, delicious), but when it all came down to it, I had to go with the very… thing that breathes the life, delicious, heaven scent smell into all of these – the one and only, air.  And of course, it has to be fresh.  Today was a day I have been waiting for, the day where I could sprawl out on the grass, my boy in my lap, and just breathe it in, take it all, one inhale at a time.  Yum.  And then, 5 o’clock daily freakout started, and that wonderful, calming, soulful thing called breathing it in became even more critical. Breathe. Fresh. Air. A constant reminder, to loosen up, to ease the anxiety, to chill.  And I will say this, toddlerhood is intense. I feel like it is a parenting secret that no one let me in on.  Maybe its a blocked memory? But oh.  Oh no. No no no. It is intense in the very best way.  These little souls are doing and learning and seeing so much. That is crazy, a wild ride, incredible.  Aaaand  then there is the other extreme.  Intense as well, and a little more… taxing? Taxing. I am trying to organize my life in my brain before I write, but right now all I can think of is the intense nature of it all.  And does anyone else think being a work-out-of-the-home mom is crazy nutty? Who thought of this anyway? Sigh. Breathe. Fresh. Air.

C25K: Week 7 Day 1

I feel like it was yesterday that I was titling a post C25K: The Night Before and here I am, already completed 1/3 of week 7.  So insane.  So nuts.  Who woulda thought?   I talked about hoping for the runner’s high (CHECK), being able to do the runs (CHECK), and believing in myself (CHECK).  I think I’m doing pretty good, if I may say so myself.

The one thing I haven’t been doing is strength training on the off days, unless you count lifting up the boy.  He’s a mighty weight that’s for certain, but I’m almost used to the 24 lbs of weight that he is, and so now it’s just something that we do, not any type of ‘strength training.’  Though the tosses and bumps up in the air might account for some training.  Damn, that is hard, and of course it is one of the things he loves the most.

So, week 7, day 1.  I went this morning at 11am and a few minutes into the run portion of the workout, I mentally kicked myself in the ass.  It was HOT, so hot, scorching really.  There was barely a breeze, so I didn’t even have that whole wind in my face thing.  Right now it’s 27 and 31 with the humidex.  I’m fairly certain it was around there at 11.  Brutal, but I did it.  Didn’t stop once either.  I blow myself away every time, because so much about this is mental self-control.  I am training my brain and my body, and they are training me.  It blows me away that I can have so much control and when my mind is telling me I probably should take a break, I tell it to piss off and keep on trucking.  Granted, I slow down a tad, to a very slow crawl-like jog, but I keep going and pressing forward.  Not once have I listened to the negative thoughts and I am proud to say I am putting them where they belong.  On the pavement.  Under my feet.  Stomping on them loudly and proudly as I press on.

The most awesome part of my run today, was that I increased my distance from 3.86 km to 4.3 km.  It was in 35 minutes rather than 30, and was not 5 km, but I increased my distance slightly and for that I am a very happy mama.  At this rate it will still take me about 42 minutes to do a 5k, but it’s coming.  Kyle is trying to encourage me to run a 5k in the fall, but I’m very nervous.  My whole thing is that I don’t want to come in last place.  I actually looked up the results from the Mogathon 5k, and if I would’ve ran in it, I would’ve been probably about fourth last.  I know it doesn’t matter.  It has no bearing on anything at all, and the fact that I would and COULD finish a 5k, is what counts, and blows me away.  I just need to overcome that obstacle, that fear, like I’ve overcome the others.  Shit, 7 weeks ago when I started week 1, I took ALL the side streets, weaving in and out of them, having a VERY VERY mild panic moment when I would have to run on a busier street.  Today, I took only main streets and didn’t give two shits.   People in cars looked at me, some smiled.  I told myself they smiled because hell, it’s hot, and that girl is out there running with her dog.  Go her.

When I got home from the run, I was right done.  When I stopped running and did my cool-down walk, I was right done.  I felt pretty nauseous, and might have to invest in a contraption to carry a water bottle, or something to have it dangle from Lily’s leash.  I can NOT jog in the heat of the day anymore, it kills me.  7am jogs, how I miss you, we need to become besties again.  I listened to some old school hip hop/rap podcast from kissmyblackass.org, and it was pretty solid.  Kept me going.  However, I felt a little crappy when she chimed in for an update and for sure I thought she was going to say I was half way done, but no, I was only EIGHT MINUTES IN.  Are you KIDDING ME?  Brutal.  I tried to paint that smile back on my face so I could muster the strength to continue.  It worked and off we went.

While it was hard as hell and this is still extremely challenging, I am feeling at peace with myself and with the program.  I’m down about 6.5 lbs and I feel like a million bucks.  I feel like now I know I for SURE can run 25 minutes straight because I’ve done it twice, that next week when I add on 3 more minutes, what’s 3 more minutes?  Probably brutal, is what 3 more minutes is, but I know I can do it.  Less than 3 weeks and I will be blogging about finishing the program.  I can’t even believe it, can you?

Looking forward to hearing your C25K updates, or whatever journey you’re on.  We all have our experiences, our stories, and I love to hear about each and every one of them.  Have at ‘er!

C25K: Week 6 Day 1

I am TOTALLY and utterly ecstatic that I am more than halfway done the program.  The program that if you would’ve told me a year ago I would be completing, I seriously would have laughed in your face and de-friended you because that would have been an insult, but only because I was lacking confidence, trust, and esteem in myself.  Sigh.  Oh such a long way we’ve come, we’ve come a long way.

Can I go out on a limb and say something ridiculous?  Day 1 of this week was a breeze.  It was way easier than week 4.  When I say a breeze I don’t mean easy, I just mean the most doable week so far, probably, or at least compared to week 4, it was peanuts.  I think because you go through week 4, and it seems like a ton more running, then you do week 5, and the third day of that week is interval-less, so then doing week 6 day 1, with intervals, you get a break.  However I have read that intervals are more difficult, because the stopping and starting is tricky and messes with thee.  Not so sure about that.  We’ll see though – week 6 day 2 is the LAST DAY OF INTERVALS.  Omg, Omg, Omg.  From there on in, it’s go hard and run with only a warm-up and a cool-down.  So insane.  I remember doing week 1 and looking forward to seeing what the weeks had in store, and having slightly mild panic attacks when I realized I’d eventually run 25 minutes straight.  Actually, I didn’t even realize I’d eventually run 25 minutes straight, because I saw it as im-freaking-possible.  Turns out I have a little more faith in myself than one might have initially thought.  I am on the craziest high of my life, not that I am super familiar with tons of highs or anything, but wow.  WOW.  I want to go and conquer day 2 right now, and then day 3, and move on to week 7.  I can’t believe that before I know it, I am going to be titling a post C25K: GRADUATION, and reflecting on the weeks and the days and talking about how I completed the program.  Blows me right the heck away.

Tonight Kyle, Cade & of course my one true running companion, Lily, joined me.  I thought we could all go for a nice walk, and since I’m SUCH a slow runner, I could probably just jog alongside the stroller while Kyle pushed Cade and power-walked.  Well, well, well, wouldn’t you know, I am totally not as slow as I thought, because I had Kyle & Cade trailing behind me for blocks.  So then when my run stopped, I’d walk back and meet them, and we’d go through that cycle.  There was even a point where I turned a corner and they lost me, so I ran back towards the way I thought they went, and caught up to them.   It was such a delightful moment.  I guess I’m not as slow as I thought.  It’s bittersweet, really.  I even said to Kyle, when we first started our walk, “one rule, you can’t walk faster than I can run, because that’s embarassing.”  Not even a chance of that happening.  So the downside to this was, it wasn’t really a family outing as much as it was me doing my thing, then racing back to meet up with them.  It worked for the time being though, and at the very end when I had finished my runs and was doing my cool-down walk, I ended up jogging beside the stroller, veerrrrry slowly, because I just ‘wanted to run.’  Total cheese and crazy moment, when we got home and got in the back gate, I ran Lily’s bag o’ poo to the back garbage and said, “Why walk when you can RUNNNNNNNN!”  What a nerd, yeesh.  The other cutesy moment of the day, not that that one was cutesy, but whatevs’, was that when I was driving around doing some errands tonight, I saw a family of 4 jogging together.  It was priceless and awesome and I smiled but I don’t think they saw me.  I WANT THAT.

C25K updates!  C’mon, let’s hear ‘em.  How are we doing?  Do you need some inspiration?  I want to help you and motivate you, because I am totally convinced that this is the greatest exercise program EVER and I love running and can I call myself a runner yet?  I will when I finish the program, just to be fair.  Goodnighty night my friends.  Love, sweet dreams and fluffy pillows to you all xo.

C25K: Week 5 Day 2

(Once again, if you’re following along, check out the C25K program and perhaps take up the program for yourself.  I’m telling you, it’s awesome and SO doable.  If I can do this, you can too.)

So while I’m still feeling excited and anxious to get out there and complete each day, I am feeling more apprehension as I set out to do the day’s routine.  W5D2 was no different.  Could I really run for 8 minutes straight?  Twice?  I nearly keeled over after 5 minutes straight on day 1, so was this really honestly doable?  I guess it had to be, because my ultimate goal was to finish the program, through and through, no matter how long it took me.

Cade had a bit of a rough time going to sleep on Monday night, so where my initial plan was to head out at 7am on Tuesday morning to get ‘er done, I ended up turning off my alarm, and going at about 10:30am, before it got too hot.  It was still warm, but the temperature was bearable and I didn’t overheat too much.  I ended up only doing about 3.6km, which is .3km less than I usually do, even though I ran more than I walked this time.  This confirms for me what I already knew – I can power walk faster than I can run/jog.  It’s a little discouraging but I am trying not to let it get the best of me.  Jogging uses different muscles than walking, and it doesn’t really matter the distance right now, does it?  I’m not doing it for distance, I am doing it as a personal goal, as a form of therapy, and as a way to enhance my life.  Distance will come, and so will speed.

I feel so much stronger, physically and mentally.  Doing this program has really shifted my whole life around, and this is only the beginning.  I can’t wait to see what it will bring.   I have already seen substantial changes in my breathing and my endurance.  And that’s up for debate, really, but only to you.  To me, my endurance has increased tenfold.  The fact that I can jog for 8 minutes straight blows my friggin’ mind.  And tomorrow is a 5 minute walk with a 20 minute jog and then a 5 minute cool-down.  I’m super anxious, nervous and apprehensive about being able to do it, but I know that I can, and so, I will.

I can do this and so I can do so many other things, if only I tell myself nice things, positive encouragement, and pump myself up, right?  Surely that is how determination works.  Can I be an inspiration to myself?  Sounds so egotistical, and I have many inspirations in my life, and never thought of myself as being one.  But what I mean is, this has encouraged me to tackle other things in my life that I am afraid of.  I don’t know what will be on my list next.  Right now I feel like I’ve got my hands full, tackling this running thing, and ensuring my eating habits fall in line, not to mention parenting a busy little boy (which isn’t about motivation, per say, but it is about learning and figuring out those at times tricky equations).  I’m not saying I’m a super busy woman, because if I was, I likely wouldn’t have the free time I do, it’s just that I don’t want to take on too much in terms of things that I need to really push myself, motivate myself, to do.

I picture our family going out for runs together and it makes me thrilled.  We can be that cutesy little family that runs marathons, ain’t that adorable?  I want to be an active family and I want to show Cade how to live a healthy lifestyle.  That is super important to me, and if I don’t model that to him, how will he know?  Not only that, but I want to try and avoid the health ailments that plague our generation.  I want to have energy to run around with my children, to play, and to create.

So with that, day 3, you’re on.  And after that, we’ve got 4 weeks to go.  Each day is as hard as the very first, so that speaks volumes.  It’s challenging and hard every single time.  If it was easy, I would get bored.  If it was too hard, I would feel discouraged and depressed.  I really want to know who is all doing this, and how you’re all doing.  I love that there’s at least a couple of us who are blogging about it, and have created a little community that way.  The others are friends that are doing it, and so we have check-ins every couple of days.  Support and accountability (to oneself, first and foremost) are critical.  Let’s do this.

C25K: Week 5 Day 1

On a little mini-vacation at my mom’s so Sunday morning meant that Kyle and I were able to do our run together, which is always a super nice treat.  This time though, my brother and his girlfriend joined us too, which proved to be loads of fun, and kind of a slap in the face, too.  They aren’t doing the C25K program, but they are aware that we are, and so they decided to come out for the run and join us.  And lo and behold, guess who was at the front of the pack for most of the run, not huffing and puffing like yours truly?  Sigh sigh double sigh.  There is NO way I could have been able to do Week 5 Day 1 just like that, shit, Week 1 Day 1 was hard enough when I did it.

So, I will say that I did find W5D1 a tad easier than week 4, but it was STILL super hard and I STILL had some creeping negativity trying to invade my workout.  Especially when I saw those farts leading the pack with me bringing up the super slow rear.  And I’m talking SLOW.  I am getting better at telling myself that I am not doing this for speed.  I am 26 years old, way overweight, and how did I get here?  Did it happen overnight?  Likely not.  So I don’t expect (though sometimes desperately WISH) the transition to fit and healthy to happen overnight either, but it also ain’t taking 26 years to happen, or else I quit.

While I was on my last run, I was roughin’ it big time.  It was a challenge, a huge one at that, and I was way in the back.  Kyle would pop back occasionally to give me words of encouragement, tell me how amazing I was, and remind me that I could do this, because I was doing it.  I got a little bit upset because I was hot, sweaty and tired, and these dudes who had not been actively doing this program were totally kicking my ass and hard.  Kyle stepped in at the right time and I was able to finish the workout, no stopping.  It was hot and there were hills, but I still didn’t stop.  Did I want to stop?  Yes about a million times.  I don’t know what our distance was, because we just ran to Bud Miller Park and then ran around some trails and then looped around the lake.  It was 5 minute warm-up walk, 5 minute run, 3 minute walk, 5 minute run, 3 minute walk, 5 minute run, and then a 5 minute cool-down walk.  Day 2 will be even more running, I think 8 minutes at a time, and then day 3 of this week is 20 minutes of running with no walk intervals.  I am not going to dread it.  I am dreading the crap out of it.  My no stopping rule might be broken, but I promise I am not planning on breaking it, but it just might happen.  I always follow my body and what it tells me it needs to do.  So if it needs to stop in order to recharge, then that’s what I’ll do.  But I am not going on to week 6 until I can conquer week 5.

I am still loving the program as much as I did on the very first day.  It’s addicting as ever and it produces such a rush, a high within me, that I have never felt before.  I’ve always engaged in different workouts, exercise regimes, but this is something different.  This is a real challenge and this is a challenge in which I have to push myself, or I won’t complete it, and because I’m stubborn, I have to complete it.  Maybe not even stubborn.  I feel very determined.  It’s like there has been some kind of switch within me.  I know that I am the one doing it, but I have Cade to thank for a lot of this too.  He has jump started some serious revolution with me, and all the people around me in my life (well, most of them ;) are fueling it.

C25K: Week 3 Day 2

Tuesday morning I woke up feeling like death.  I felt like I had not slept a wink, and so I opted to continue sleeping instead of getting up and running, with the promise that I would go when Kyle got home from work.  I lived up to my promise, and Lily and I went running in the rain.   And it was a little bit awesome.

But only a little bit.

The rain part?  So cool.  It was only mildly drizzling, so it was peaceful and the rain helped us glide through the exercise.  It cooled it off a little bit outside too, which never hurts.  The run itself was still hard, but I am learning to breathe and pace myself.  I am stubborn and I can’t let myself stop during a run, but if I need to, I do slow down to a very very slow crawl-like jog, in order to let my lungs catch some good breaths so I can finish the workout with (a bit of) ease.

It’s so cool how every day feels a little bit easier, a little bit more doable, but still a definite challenge.  I write incessantly about that, but it blows my mind every time.  Every week I think, “I can’t do this week!” and then I do it and I totally rewire my thinking.  Week 3 was about as hard as week 1 was in terms of being able to breathe and last for the duration of the run.  It’s neat how my body has acclimatized and become conditioned to what I’m forcing it to do.

I’m happy to see that at least a couple of my running buddies have stuck to the program.  It makes me happy that we’re all committing and being accountable to one another!  Some of you I haven’t heard from, and I know you’re out there, and I know you’re reading, ’cause I can spy now, so come on and speak up!  I want to hear how you’re making out, what’s working for you, etc.  I’m loving the podcasts over at kissmyblackass.org and they have totally kept me going.  Highly recommended.

I’m planning on revealing my ‘stats’ at the end of each 3 week chunk.  By stats I mean inches lost and weight lost.  So far it’s been a little bit, not as much as I’d love to see, but can’t have it all.  I’m feeling great so that’s what really counts.  I have been obsessively weighing myself every day, several times a day, and it’s amazing to see how my weight can fluctuate so much in even an hour.  I’ve been doing an ‘official weigh-in’ and body measurements every Sunday morning, so that’s when I’ll report back.

For now, let’s keep on running.  It’s super addicting and I feel like a million bucks when I can feel the breeze flowing.  One thing I do need is a sweet headband to keep my hair off my face.  Sweaty bangs annoy the crap out of me.  I actually started to make my own headband out of an old shirt, and it actually looks kinda cool.  Pictures to come if it all works out.  Happy running my friends.  OH, and I still would love suggestions for the cramps/side stitches.  Is it just a matter of slowing down, breathing deeply and allowing my lungs to ‘recuperate’ in a sense?