Where have I been?

May 25, 2010 at 11:35 pm 1 comment

Vegas.  That’s where.  And thinking about to write … of course, that is truly always one of my priorities, is keeping the blog-reading-world entertained, whoever may be in that blog-reading world.

Back to Vegas.  A quick ramble, as I know not everyone can talk on and on for days about Sin City just because I can.  As a Hooray, Justin Turned 21! celebration, mom, Carter, Justin, Kyle and I packed up and headed to Vegas from May 15 – 19.  Kyle and Justin were previously Vegas Virgins however are NO LONGER, mwha.  And now that that has been stolen from their dignity, I’m pretty sure they’re lifers, already speaking of the infamous “Next Time.”  We did a lot of schtuff, including walking around for 100 miles every day, shopping and spending money on clothes that will fit me once Kiwi gets bigger, spending money on clothes that will fit Kiwi once Kiwi gets bigger (and emerges from my uterus into the world in non-fetus form), watching Justin and Kyle go on daredevil rides atop an 850 foot building, including a controlled free-fall OFF of said building, titillating our senses with a Cirque du Soleil show – Beatles LOVE, and of course devouring 326 lbs of food at the deadly Vegas buffets.   I can’t say it enough – SO glad I am past the nausea stage of my preggo and could actually enjoy the buffets.  And of course Vegas.

In the weeks leading up to Vegas, my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of the lights, the music, the drinks (obviously not alcoholic so I just spent more, oh let’s say 7$ or so… on delicious non-boozey drinks), the food, the shopping, the sights, the fun.  I think it goes without saying but in case it doesn’t, of course my mind is ALWAYS focused on my little Kiwi, it’s just that it had something else to think about too.  Now that Vegas has come and gone (sigh double sigh) all my thoughts, energies and good vibes get to be directed to Kiwi!  I love having things to look forward to, don’t we all, and it’s lovely that in approximately 6 months – well we’ll say just under 6 months as I’m pretty sure Kiwi is entering this world earlier than November 16th – we get to welcome our little wee one to our already fabulous family.

It’s neat because in some of our pregnancy books we’ve been reading there’s been a lot of mention about nesting and wanting to have everything organized, in place and just right for when baby is born.  I’ve definitely been in this state of mind as all I can think is CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN, ORGANIZE ORGANIZE ORGANIZE.  I haven’t done anything major about it aside from EXTRA keeping up with the home/car/life maintenance, which is definitely a bonus and I know Kyle is thankful for it.  I am ecstatic to clean every bit of our house from top to bottom, to devour the yard and try and make it look decent (because the dandelions just don’t do it justice) and to rid of useless things that take up needed space.  Secretly I want to drop a ton of cash on new furniture and household supplies, however obviously that is me being hormonal-manic rather than hormonal-practical.  We’re shooting for practical here folks!  Practical and financially realistic.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write what goes through my head sometimes and I often struggle.  I used to be way better at it and I can only guess it’s because I wrote more and concentrated more on getting those thoughts written down and mapped out.  In a lot of conversations/blog reading/etc I have noticed the whole pattern of growing up as being career-marriage-children.  Some kind of formula that when you follow you are conforming to a traditionalist, conservative lifestyle.  And when you don’t follow it, you’re independent, living life for yourself, and exercising a right to freedom and choice.  I’m jumping to conclusions here obviously based on my observations so just roll with it please and thank you.  So what I’ve been wanting to rebuttal is that I consider myself to be independent, strong and smart.  I feel like I have a choice and I have never once felt like my freedom to live my life and be who I want to be was in jeopardy.  I consider myself a strong feminist woman with strong values.  Did I follow the formula of career-marriage-children – yes I certainly did.  Does that mean I am givin’ it all up to the man and sucking into giving up my values, dreams, goals just to be in a relationship and settle down?  Nope, it doesn’t, not for me.  I do not feel pressured to be in a relationship and follow a pattern, a formula.  I am absolutely (still!) ecstatic to be in a partnership with a man who I love, respect and cherish daily.  A man who lets me explore my goals, encourages me to look further and deeper and to try different things.  I’ve never felt tied down – I wouldn’t be here if I did.  In some sense we have planned our lives out together, clearly.  In other ways, we’ve down our own thing.  And yet in other ways, we have let nature take its course (ha – how convenient, given my last post) and we have thus far been extremely pleasantly excited and happy with how things have been going and will continue to go.  I can say with all my heart and soul that this is the man I want to be with.  This is the man I want to start a family with, to father my children, to be with me side by side every step of every way.  I am not saying we have not had our road blocks because we most absolutely have and we will have more of them.  What is important to us is that we can cross them together and problem-solve through them as a strong, healthy team.   As poor communication was a central aspect in my parents’ divorce, it is clearly a very important quality to both Kyle and I.  We will never stop talking and we will never stop listening and that I think is so extremely important. When the communication is gone, a slow death of what’s left is surely to come.  I think of the Little Britain episode when I think of communication, and most definitely that is a perfect example of what I don’t want:

I really ought to try and post more, because when I write I enjoy it and I feel connected to myself and to whoever is reading.  I really should be journalling my pregnancy more in-depth.  Not should, but want to, just haven’t got around to it yet.  I wish this nesting phase would transpire to other areas of my life aside from cleaning and organizing.  Perhaps that phase is yet to come?  I can’t imagine a pregnancy journal for the last trimester is very awesome.  Not that it wouldn’t be great, just not all encompassing.  Though I can’t imagine every single person wants to read about a growing belly and an aching uterus (apparently the feeling of being kicked in the genitals is yet to come).  There’s really just so much to look forward to.  The great and the gruesome.  I’m a fan of hearing people’s war stories so if you’ve got ’em put ’em out there.

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Kiwi. Pregomatic.

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Elizabeth  |  May 26, 2010 at 1:38 am

    I’m glad you had fun in Vegas! And were able to eat with no signs of morning sickness…I am preggo-jealous! No, I am not preggo!! Just jealous that I didn’t fair so well in the sickness department when I was.

    I totally know what you mean about the nesting. I’ve loved to nest for a long time but then getting pregnant gave me this whole new reason for it. So much fun! Now I am at this stage where as much as I do find it therapeutic to clean and tidy and organize, I sigh when I finish one thing and then realize how much more there is to do. Although that’s probably because as I’m getting started on the next thing, Andrew is unfolding the laundry I just folded or, I dunno, his latest: smearing yogurt all over the couch. Thank goodness babies are adorable!!!

    I completely agree with your thoughts on being in a relationship/starting a family while also feeling independent and continuing to look through a feminist lense. I suppose I am arguably not independent, since I don’t actually make money at this time with being a stay at home mom. But it’s about choice right? I could put Andrew in daycare and be out there working, but because I am able to be home with him at the moment, I would rather do that. Some might say I’ve put my own life on hold for him, and I guess in some small way I’d agree but I’d mostly have to disagree. Because he is such an important part of me, and he teaches me new things every day just as I teach him new things! I grow as he grows, and it’s such an amazing job to be a Mom. The BEST job. But then maybe I’m biased, because as much as I am a feminist (and you better believe I AM one!), it was always a dream/goal of mine to be in a solid relationship and have a family. So there’s no givin’ up myself here, I feel as though I have only just begun!

    So happy that you and Kyle have each other (and Lily!) and now with baby Kiwi on the way. It’s SUCH an exciting time!

    I’d suggest trying to set a little time aside every couple of days at least to write down things you’re going through with your pregnancy. Even if it’s just point form notes, it’s so wonderful to be able to look back and go OH YEAH THAT’S WHAT THAT WEEK/MONTH/TRIMESTER WAS LIKE! because once baby arrives you naturally forget some stuff…and also the pregnancy amnesia NEVER goes away so expect part of your brain to disappear 6 months from now, or a little later…or both! LOL (I’m not kidding – I was sure it wouldn’t happen to me but alas, it did).

    Just curious, what makes you say you are pretty sure Kiwi will arrive early? Maybe he or she will (as long as it’s at the safe mark, I’ll allow it – lol) BUT don’t forget I was adamant that ‘baby’ would be 2 weeks early and he kept us in suspense an extra 8 days! You just never know!!

    Reply

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