June 25, 2010 at 9:57 pm 2 comments

I started this post a week ago and I’ve just finished it up tonight.  I hope it flows alright.  In other exciting Kiwi news, we heard the heartbeat a couple weeks ago and it’s 160.  Take your bets.  So far the majority seem to be chanting that it’s a girl.  Time shall tell and NO we are not finding out what the sex is!  People seem to be split down the middle when it comes to what they will do.  You can’t sway me though and thankfully not Kyle either.

Sometimes I wish I could just record the conversations that Kyle and I have immediately prior to me drifting off to sleep.  Because they are insightful and for some reason one of the times where I can clearly articulate myself.  I used to be better at writing things down then talking them out and for some reason that has changed.  Not that I’m better at talking them out, because I most definitely stumble over my words almost always, but I guess I don’t write as much and so I haven’t kept that tool as sharp.  Sigh.

Last night I was talking to Kyle about, of course, pregnancy and all things related to mostly my fears around birthing and my annoyances around conversations with people who try to give advice.  Before you jump all over me and say I am an ungrateful, naive know-it-all… I love getting advice, I love hearing about other people’s experiences, I love talking about all things pregnancy/birth related and I love money-saving, time-saving, and practical TIPS.  However, because you had such and such an experience please do not tell me that my experience is going to be the same.

Where can I start with this?  Okay.  One example being that Kyle and I want to have a birth plan and we’ve already talked about what we want that to include.  I’ve talked to my doctor about a couple things and it appears that she will be supportive of what we want/don’t want, however her priority is me delivering a healthy baby whatever that may involve.  And we get that.  However, in some conversations with individuals/things I’ve read online from people whom have had children, they have said that a birth plan is essentially pointless and to not even bother with one because once you get there you don’t want to follow it.  Like I said before and I will probably beat this idea to death, I appreciate advice and honesty, however I want to be able to have my own experience – with some guidance of course.  But to some extent, let me do my thing.  Having a birth plan is not going to hurt anybody.  Especially if I do have somewhat of a realistic (albeit maybe a tad bit too hopeful?  whatevs) recognition that just ’cause the birth plan is there doesn’t mean that’s how the labour and delivery is played out.

Another thing is that I was talking to Kyle about how I feel like I am a teenager in their whole ‘invincibility’ I-can-do-anything-without-any-consequences stage.  I don’t even want to write about this because it sounds so ridiculous but I’m just going to do it anyway.  Kyle chalked what I’m feeling up to being ridiculously positive, which isn’t a bad thing.  And I can still be realistic too.  Anyway, I kind of feel like I am going to have a really great rest of my pregnancy/labour/delivery.  I know, crazy right!  “It’s called labour for a reason”  However, I’m not saying it’s going to be pain free and a breeze, I guess I’m more-so trying to have a positive outlook and be okay with everything.  I want to go into labour as calm and relaxed as I can be, though I know that it’s going to be exhausting and painful.  I want to feel like I can conquer the pain and bring our baby into this world, because ultimately the end result is worth anything – or so I’ve been told.  Again, I am not trying to pretend that it ain’t gonna hurt.  Shit man, our vaginas dilate to 10cm and we STILL have to push like we’re taking the most gigantic poop ever, of course it’s not going to feel like a walk in the park!

I am a sucker for hearing people’s birthing stories.  I love to hear the good, the bad, the in between, the realistic.  I want to know what I may be in for but I want to also go into the experience as positive as I can.  And I’ve made this clear to the people I surround myself.  My mom has nothing but positive things to say about her labour and delivery experience with yours truly, so I am taking that and running with it.  I am going to let my body do what it needs to do.  I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy and enjoy the experiences right NOW rather than worrying and fearing what is going to happen when it is time for Kiwi to enter this world.  We have an idea of what we want as far as birthing goes (I’ll save that for another post) but we also realize that it is not necessarily like clockwork and that if something needs to change or we need to do something differently when it all comes down to it, then we do and that’s a-ok.

I understand that people are just reliving their experiences and I appreciate and respect that.  I want to hear about them.  I want to hear about post-partum realities, relationship changes, emotional changes, physical changes.  The stuff people don’t talk about.  Like the first poop after you give birth.  I AM SCARED.  VERY TERRIFIED.  SHAKING!  I’ve heard it feels like your insides are going to fall out….anyway moving on…

Hell, I could talk about pregnancy, birthing (oh and puppies…. Lily is still my baby ;)) all day long if I didn’t feel it would drive some people nuts.  I just don’t want to be given ‘the eyes’ or the look that essentially says ‘you are crazy if you are thinking THAT’ when I talk about what I want my experience to be like.  I feel like I am going through an incredibly sacred, spiritual and natural process and I want to nurture that and live it up, so to speak.  It’s hard sometimes, but I’m trying super hard to, and I’m trying not to let this pregnancy-induced new level of sensitivity get in the way of that.



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Where have I been? The one where I’m not what you think I am.

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. gerda  |  June 26, 2010 at 7:12 am

    Well for starters I think you are much better off having any plan than no plan. That being said I’d hazard to guess most babies are born into this world without a plan. I do agree that every birth should be based on personal preference and it’s nice that the doctors these days kinda let you have some kind of voice. It’s also come a long way since 35 years ago when going into a sterile hospital setting was routine as was the enforced shaving and enema. Not too pretty — gives you cramps on top of cramps. Personally I was one of the fortune ones and both my deliveries went off without any crazy pushing or screaming. Sometimes they do just slide out on their own without having to resort to herculean pushing and grunting. Hope that you’ll be one. Thank god I never heard of the tortured poop story after delivery because that would be enough to make you lose a little sleep. I think that’s something perhaps more common that might be due to excessive use of spinal tap and other meds after delivery? I don’t know — pure guess. Howevever just to be on the safe side have somebody deliver you some fresh baked bran muffins with a side of stewed prunes (I’m so serious)! Poop problems are not to be taken lightly!! And regardless of whether it’s a girl or a boy there is nothing as precious as a newborn baby for whom you can’t wait to walk, talk and tell you “I love you mommy/daddy”! No matter what the plan or how it evolves the end result is always awe and adoration for the new arrival!
    Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy — it’s one of the most wonderful things you can experience.

  • 2. Jen deGroot  |  July 5, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Oh advice. I hated getting advice when I was pregnant. Hated it! No one asks you if you want it, and I found it to be more confusing then anything. It felt like everyone had something to say to me. As a result of this, both Reed and I became really flustered, and caved on a few of our original pregnancy and delivery plans. I had it in my head that I wanted to find somewhere I could give birth in water. But, as time went on, and the unwanted advice and warnings kept comin’, we just decided to have a natural birth here in Yorton. Honestly, and this is the only advice I will give(if you can even call it that…I would say more mindful encouragement) stay true to yourself and your plans. Everything will work out. I was so happy in my pregnancy, and I am fully convinced that this is why Oliver is the happiest baby I have ever met. Hormones and mood swings are a normal part of this journey, and at times i found it hard to stay positive, but the end result is something that I never thought I would experience. I have an unquestionable, almost chemical bond to my son, that is a thing of such beauty to me. It makes me wonder what I was worrying about in the first place. Oh, while I was reading your post, I was thinking about some of the stupid pieces of “advice” I received while pregnant.
    -“You don’t eat meat?! Your baby is going to have a spinal disorder.”(didn’t happen)
    -“Your baby hasn’t turned? You are going to have a c-section”(didn’t happen)
    -“You should eat this, and drink that, and sleep this much, and do this for stretch marks, and go to this doctor, and you are for sure going to have a girl/boy because you are carrying high/low”
    Seriously, it never ends. But, I tried to think of all of it as everyone’s way of showing that they care. Even though it doesn’t always come out in the most subtle ways.


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