Fussy Gussy Wussy Woo.

January 22, 2011 at 12:15 am 1 comment

It’s been the hardest almost 3 months of my life, but the best.  Being a momma is hard!  Duh, right?  I wasn’t prepared for a lot of things.  You cannot really prepare.  I suppose that is the beauty of it.  I put on my Facebook status that I wish birthing went: baby, placenta, instruction manual.  Obviously it would be so nice if someone told me exactly what my on sweet babe needed at any given moment, however, I guess it is kind of nice (and I will realize this more in a year+ I’m sure… right?) not knowing and figuring things out as we go.  “You live, you learn.”   I Google too much, I worry too much, I doubt too much.   People tell me to do what feels right, and I do, but then I doubt if it feels right because it is right for us, or if it feels right because I read that one article yesterday that said it was right. 

We’re currently co-sleeping, not necessarily due to choice, either.  It’s basically the only way he’ll sleep solid and sound!  Don’t get me wrong, I love cuddling with my babe and having him next to me, and in fact, I’m quite apprehensive about having him sleep in a crib and far away from me (such a sap), but I know we will probably sleep better once we can make that transition and feel okay about it.  It amazes me how well Cade sleeps when he is cuddled up to us, or at least right by us.  And believe you me, it makes the whole nap thing difficult, and this little guy in turn will take cat naps.  It’s almost like he realizes that mom or dad are not near by when he is in the middle of sleep, and then wakes up in the middle of a nap.  I feel bad when he is screaming and crying due to being overtired.  It makes me sad that he gets sooooo tired that he has to lose his mind over it!  The sleep issue is the hardest one for me, I’d say.  Though it’s got a close competitor – the issue of him always needing to be held.  Some days are better than others – some days we can put him in his chair and rock him or bounce him around in it for awhile and he will be fine.  This little dude definitely is attached to us and definitely needs tons of loving and cuddles.  I’ve read articles (I know, I know) and most say that you cannot really ‘spoil’ a baby or create set habits until 6 months old.  Babies need love, babies need cuddles, babies need physical touch.  Some more than others, Cade being one of them!  He just doesn’t seem content unless he is in our arms or at least touching us in some way.  It’s kind of heartwarming actually, and I obviously don’t mind lovin’ up my most favouritest little guy ever, it just makes the days hard when I am alone at home with him and can barely grab lunch.  I know I need to take care of myself because ‘happy mom = happy babe’ right? Right.  Mostly it’s easier to have him attached to me at all times than to listen to his heart wrenching cry, which is actually a scream.  When he was born, the doctor and nurse commented about how he had such a set of lungs on him, and I remember thinking oooooh dear, is this what we are in for.  Turns out I was right.  A mother’s intuition never lies.

We’re still giving him the probiotic drops, and they seem to have helped in the nighttime colicy fuss department.  He settles easier at night and does not cry for hours.  THANK GOD.  We tried the chiropractic route as I’ve heard good things in terms of helping babies feel calmer.  Spinal trauma or misalignments of the bones can happen during birth, so we tried it out.  We went to two different chiropractors, and the first one mildly adjusted his neck and back, and the second one mildly adjusted his neck and pelvis.  Other than that, they said he looks great.

I’ve said it before, but I must have been naive.  I must have thought that once we got into a swing of things it would be so easy and we could figure it out, just following baby’s leads.  And maybe I’m not doing enough of that, and maybe I should stop berating myself for things I should be or should not be doing because it does not help anyone!  Guilt is terrible and I have a lot of it, sometimes.  I know that’s weird to say, a lot of it sometimes, but there’s no better way to put it.  I second guess myself constantly, however the next day I feel fantastic and like I am figuring it out and might as well throw another newborn into the mix because I can DO this shiz.  Then other days Kyle calls me from work and I break down, tears pouring, because I am clueless and feel like I am doing every single thing wrong and I am messing Cade up and this is going to affect every aspect of his well-being.  It’s ridiculous and I am assuming partially hormones can be blamed.  I am pretty confident it’s not to the extent of Post-Partum Depression.  I like to think I’d be seeking help if it was that bad.  I don’t have ‘bad thoughts’ though I do sometimes lie awake at night for no good reason other than the what ifs.  Tiredness bombards me but yet I lie there awake.  It’s so lame.  I did that last night, for a couple hours.  I was so tired and so needing sleep, but then when I needed it it wasn’t there.  How does that work? 

Like I’ve said over and over, it’s been an amazing rough 3 months.  I don’t even like saying ‘mom’ things that are not gushy-gooey because I fear people will think bad things about me, but I kinda don’t care because I’m sure most of you get it, especially if you are a parent.  We’ve been through a list of things that are not fun – diaper rash early on, colic, breast feeding struggles, jaundice, a cold 5 weeks in, fussyness, healing issues.  But we’re alive!  We made it almost 3 months, we can make it 3 more, and 3 more after that, and so on.  And it can only get easier from here on in, or so I am led to believe.  I am so thankful I have so many amazing people in my life who I can talk to, on a daily basis if need be.  People who will just listen, people who will offer up stories or their own advice, people who will make me laugh, people who will listen to me cry.  Friends, family, KYLE KYLE KYLE, furry friends!  The whole shebang.  Y’all know who you are, I am not about to name names MOM.

Oohh and to end this I should update you all on the status of my perineum because I know you are just DYING to know and I don’t have a filter nor do I feel the need for one.  This is natural schtuff.  The beauty of childbirth, if you will.  I hadn’t been healing properly, or didn’t think so anyway, so I had the doc ‘take a look.’  She did the silver nitrate solution which I talked about previously then had me bath daily for a couple weeks and see how it went.  No dice, so I went back to the doctor and she took yet another look.  Turns out my perineum looks great (oh the language) but there is a piece of scar/granulation tissue that does not need to be there that is red and irritated.  Yes, it is red and irritated, I LOOKED.  I was scared of what I was going to see, but I wanted to know what was going on.  Because I am a doctor and can diagnose these sorts of things.  She suggested that we freeze it and cut it off (we, ha, as if I am going to be of great assistance) and that it will heal nicely and feel a lot better.  I hope by feel a lot better she means that I will be able to pee without leaning drastically forward so the pee does not trickle over the tissue and burn.  So, she had me book an excision (oh the language) and she will just do it in the treatment room at the office (THE LANGUAGE!).  Treatment room.  Excision.  Freezing.  Cut.  Not words I want to become besties with.  So January 31 is the big day.  She assured me that the freezing will hurt a bit, but it’s such a minor cut that it will heal nicely.  How do they know these things, I always wonder.

So that is that in the life of us.  My babesies are cuddling right now.  One wearing the Moby wrap and one in the Moby wrap.  Can you guess which is where?  So cute.  The smiles are coming a mile a minute now and that totally helps those rough days.  I just vibrate my lips together and make that bzzzzzzzzz noise (you know the one!) and he goes silly for it.  I love him I love him I love him I love him!   And geez, even Lily is needy these days!  I have the laptop on my lap, what a place for it if you can imagine, and since my legs were not up on the table, she stood there, growled at me, and pawed at my leg, Lily-language for “Put your GOD DAMN legs up on the table so I can jump up and sleep on them, DAMNIT, don’t you know how this works and no I will not say PLEASE.”

 

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Other stuff about other parent things. The 4th Trimester – Part I.

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Oh Boy. | tristadawn  |  May 31, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    […] Posted on May 31, 2011 by tristadawn| 1 Comment Four months ago I wrote a post called ‘Fussy Gussy Wussy Woo‘ about my boy being needy and always needing to be held.  I just went back and read the post […]

    Reply

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