Reflections on Pregnancy and Post-Partum.

March 7, 2011 at 11:22 pm Leave a comment

Hello, hi, it’s me, mamabear blogger!  I’ve become one and I love it.  Of course it’s not all I talk about, but it’s a huge chunk of what goes in my life, so it’s a huge chunk of what goes on in blogworld for me.  Live it, breathe it, read it, write it.  I’m also slightly addicted to reading about all things baby, all things mama, all things birthing.  I’ve downloaded a whack of pregnancy/birthing/baby podcasts for Cade and I’s Greyhound bus ride tomorrow.  Found this survey on Cristin’s blog, who is one of the creators of TheBirthingSite which you should check out.  Thought the survey was great so I stole it am doing it myself, but not without credit of course!
Part 1: Pregnancy – Recall the following from your pregnancy or if you are pregnant right now, tell me how you feel.
List 5 things you love about being pregnant.

  1. Prior to looking pregnant and having really told anyone about it, it was pretty fun having this little secret between Kyle and I (and some family and close friends) though extremely hard not to burst out and tell everyone!
  2. Feeling my baby move, kick, punch, and hiccup (though the hiccups made me sad sometimes!).  That is one of the most amazing feelings ever.
  3. While sometimes it was hard not knowing if we were going to be parents to a boy or girl, it was super fun not knowing and playing the guessing game.
  4. Being absolutely blown away that Kyle and I had created life, and that life was being nurtured by my body, growing, living, and surviving.  So, so natural but absolutely mind-blowing.
  5. Belonging to the pregnancy club and having that special unspoken bond with so many pregnant women that I didn’t even know.   At work, since there were so many of us pregnant, it was an ongoing fun little thing between us all that I loved, and now that we’re all moms (or almost!) that club is now a mama-bear ‘club’ which is awesome.
List 5 things you don’t love so much about being pregnant.
  1. Always wondering if certain feelings were normal and healthy for my baby and I.
  2. I was always so warm!
  3. The tiredness – though I really shouldn’t complain, because over all, I had a very amazing pregnancy.
  4. Your body is now everyone’s business and people are free to make any sort of comments they want.  I realize most people do not do it out of maliciousness, but sometimes things come across like, whoa?  Really?
  5. Having anxieties about how I would be as a parent, and freaked out that I knew nothing.  Turns out I knew more than I thought I did.
List 5 feelings you have about the birth.
  1. I was so scared of tearing and while I wasn’t generally nervous to go through labour or delivery, I had a hard time believing I could push a baby out of my vagina!
  2. I didn’t have a ‘birth plan’ necessarily, but just really wanted to have a positive, good experience that would result in a healthy, thriving baby.
  3. I was a bit nervous to be in the hospital, since I had never really had a hospital stay.  Though I must say, it went over well, and the nurses and doctors were all pretty wonderful.
  4. I was nervous that I would have to get a C-Section.
  5. Since my blood pressure had been creeping up towards the end of my pregnancy, I was scared once the word ‘induction’ was tossed into the picture that I would have to be induced early and not go into labour naturally.   I was induced after all, but turned out to be alright, for the most part.
List 5 feelings about becoming a mom.
  1. How the heck do I take care of a baby?  I know nothing, NO-THING!  I am going to suck at this mom thing.
  2. How will I deal with crying?  I have a hard time listening to crying, what if my baby is colicky (he kinda was, but we trudged on through!)
  3. Nervous about the ‘right’ way to raise a child to be healthy and secure.
  4. So excited that our child would grow up with a lovely little doggy, and our doggy would grow up with a lovely little child, and we would get to parent both of them.
  5. Absolutely ecstatic to see how Kyle and I’s relationship would handle this new, intense, beautiful curve ball.  (4 months in and our relationship and bond with each other is stronger than other, we have come together quite nicely to form a little parenting team!)

Part 2: Your Birth Experience (if you haven’t had your baby yet, you can skip this part)
List 5 things you most liked about the birth.
  1. Having Cade placed on my chest the second he was born.  It was the most amazing feeling ever and I was absolutely beside myself.  I could not believe that this little boy was mine to love and nurture, and I could not believe how darn CUTE and healthy he was!  I made sure to have those around me aware of this as well, I don’t think I shut up about how amazing, how beautiful, how cute, how much I loved him!
  2. That I was able to be in good spirits and joke around and be happy throughout my labour.
  3. I was so glad to have my mom and Kyle in the delivery room with me, as well as a really great nurse (nurses – but the one who was there for the delivery was fabulous) and my own doctor.  Such a great support team.
  4. Having John Mayer playing throughout my labour.  We picked John Mayer because I listened to a lot of his stuff when I was pregnant, and so it just seemed appropriate.  It totally was.
  5. Doing what I felt I had to do at each moment and at the time feeling like it was the right decision for us.
List 5 things you wish had been different.
  1. I wish I never had to be induced.  Induction with Cervidil led to Pitocin.  When the word Pitocin came up, I decided to get the epidural as I had read too much and heard too much about the extremely excruciating and intense contractions that were brought on by Pitocin.  There is a part of me that wonders how much my low milk supply has been affected by the oxytocin/epidural/ton of IV fluids given to me.
  2. I wish I would have demanded to start breastfeeding Cade immediately after he was born.
  3. I wish I could have stayed home longer, labouring there where I was most comfortable, before going to the hospital.
  4. I wish that I would not have torn so bad.  I had third degree tearing, and then granulation tissue after that, so it was nearly 3 and a half months before my perineum was feeling half decent again.
  5. I wish I would have educated myself more on a natural birth and how best to achieve this.  I realize it is not a competition and that there are no medals or trophies given out for women who do it naturally, but that’s not what natural (or should I say unmedicated) childbirth is about, oh no no no.
Part 3: I am a Mom!!! (If you haven’t had your baby yet, you can skip this part)
List 5 of your greatest joys of being a mom.
  1. Watching Cade grow.  While sometimes I think he is growing too fast, sometimes I cannot wait to get to the next milestone.  It is amazing watching him develop and all the new little things he does every day.  His latest is wanting to shove my hands (and his hands, or anything he is holding, or anything I am holding…) into his cute little mouth.
  2. The relationship between Kyle and his son is amazing and I love to watch Kyle be a dad.  He is fabulous, is such a good father, and while I had no doubts he would be, I absolutely love it.   This might be dorky, but I love watching Cade and Lily’s relationship grow too.  Cade is starting to be more interested and watching her more, and Lily is just so good with him.  She is gentle, always has to be near him, or always has to be on his blankets, toys or chair.
  3. The surges of love I get for my little guy.  So incredible.  I love his reactions to me, seeing him smile at things I say, and he gets sort of ‘coy’ or flirty, which is so priceless and adorable.
  4. Snuggles and kisses with Cade.  There is nothing like it at all!
  5. Feeling such a huge attachment and bond that is just growing by the day.  The amount of love I feel for my son is amazing amazing amazing.

List 5 of your biggest challenges of being a mom.
  1. I Google too much!  I read about this theory, this parenting method, this approach, and am always second guessing my instincts.
  2. Having to let things go (such as the dirty dishes, or the filthy bathroom).  They can’t always get done in a day’s work, and I have to become more accepting of that.
  3. Always wondering if I am doing a good job, if I am raising Cade to be healthy, secure, assertive, and confident.  I want the absolute best for my son and sometimes on those really dark days, I question if I am giving him the very best.
  4. Finding ‘couple time’ for Kyle and I.  While I find that our relationship is stronger and more solid than ever, it is different, and sometimes I feel like we have not talked about anything other than Cade for weeks.
  5. Dealing with the pesky, pesky hormones.  They creep up and they can be mean sometimes.  They have resulted in many a crying fests, sleep deprivation (moreso than the norm, I’d say – some nights I just cannot fall asleep, no matter how tired I am), and some mild depressed feelings.  Overall I am doing okay, but they were and can be tricky to deal with, especially on top of sleep deprivation ANYWAY, and healing from physical changes post-partum.  Sometimes makes even just changing a diaper extremely hard.

So, if y’all have blogs, please do this. It’s fun and helps you reflect.  If you don’t blog, do it on your Facebook or something.  or better yet, get a blog, git ‘er done.

goodnight and sweet dreams. signing off, yours truly. xo!

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1 year. I broke the pact so please forgive.

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