No, seriously.

September 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm 3 comments

A week-ish ago I blogged a thought that I had regarding plastering photos of my son all over the Internet (well really, just here, but this here blog goes out to, well, the whole Internet!).   I also have infiltrated Facebook with loving photos of my awesome family, but I feel a little better having stuff on there because I have my account pretty much on lock down.  I know it’s not fool-proof and Facebook has some slimy ways sometimes, but I just feel better about it.

As I’m sure we’re all aware, a little boy went missing a few days ago and has thankfully been returned to his family, safe and sound.  It seriously made my day today waking up to that news.  Gosh.  I could not imagine what the little boy and his family went through.  That is a parent’s worst nightmare, and I’m sure the most traumatizing experience the boy and his family have ever and hopefully will ever have.  There’s of course a million suspicions and speculations and criticisms online of the parents and the RCMP and how the case was handled, however, there’s also a million reasons why things were done the way they were done, I do believe.  I’m not standing up for the police here, they’re not perfect.  They are part of an imperfect system (oy, the ol’ justice system), but I do think things were likely done for one reason or another, and the main thing here (other than of course, the little guy being back with his family safe and sound) is that I am sure there have been decisions made and actions taken that we are not aware of, because we can’t be made aware of them due to it being a criminal investigation.  Done and done.  I could say more about this, and rant on and on, but I am getting off my original intended topic.  And so I digress…

The point of my little spiel here is: I don’t know how comfortable I am having my boy’s face out there for the world to see.  I blog often and I am not always discreet about things.  I mean, I try to be, but if someone was really combing and investigating my blog to try and uncover some information about my family, they probably could pick up on some things, or at least come very close to discovering certain things.  After all, this city ain’t that big.

I know that only I can govern how I conduct myself on this blog, but I really fear putting my boy’s life in jeopardy.  I mean, I’m sure every parent thinks “it won’t happen to me” but truth is, it does happen, and it happens to those parents and those families that think that, too.  There are so many individuals in this world who have major mental health issues, destructive capabilities, and really damaging, traumatizing pasts.  I’m not putting the blame on anyone, and I’m not saying it is only these individuals who commit crimes (trust me, I’ve got me my own mental health stuff going on) or do “wrong”, however, it takes a certain level of unhealthiness, in whichever way shape or form, for someone to be involved in a heinous act.   Really, I shouldn’t have even gone there.  It freaks me right the F out thinking that anybody would do anything awful to my child.

So my conundrum is: where do I draw the line?  Do I go back through my blog, delete any and all indications of our identity, just be super careful about not being too specific (in terms of daycare, school, address, play areas, etc.), be hyper-vigilant and teach my boy the best of the best street smarts (which we plan to do anyway), or do I just make this blog strictly about me?  However, the issue then is, I can as easily be tracked down to get to my boy, which people will know about anyway because I cannot blog and not talk about my my child who is my life.  Also, the thing is, I love talking about my boy, and showing off his beautiful features and his wonderful character.  Again, I know only I can make a decision here, I’m just curious about what other parents do, or even just people who are bloggers and fairly open with their private lives.  I know that stranger abductions and random crimes are not as common as family/custodial abductions and criminal activity between individuals known to one another, but I am curious about creating a safety net, especially now that I’ve got a wee one of my own.

Anyone have any tips, things to consider for me?  What have you done to keep yourselves safe but still blog and be a part of the ‘social network’?  As I’ve stated in the topic, I’m really curious and really looking to generate some ideas and discussion, no, seriously.



Entry filed under: Mamabear. Tags: , , , , , , .

The Best Bean of All. Wendy Shanker: The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Elizabeth  |  September 11, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    First of all, I don’t know if you got my text on Friday – I was on a ferry and as I pressed send it said sending failed but then there was no record of my message to you at all so…I thought I’d wait till we got home to write you back! Just wanted to say thank you for your msgs, and I will send you an email very very soon =)

    As for this blog topic…I totally hear your concerns here as I’ve had them myself. I am very private about my blog – as in, no one in my family knows I HAVE a blog even, yet the strange thing is that it IS open to whoever in the world happens upon it! So I know it’s not actually ‘private.’ I have thought about privatizing my blog and only allowing people I ‘know’ to access it, but I’ve had some interesting comments from random people from time to time over the years that have made me want to leave it open to everyone, because you never know who you might meet (such as yourself, for example!)

    When I first started blogging in around 2005 or so, I wasn’t comfy with posting pictures, so I tended to cartoonize pictures in photoshop before posting them, so I sort of looked like me but not really. Then I got a comment from someone saying they thought I was a fake because I wasn’t showing who I truly was! I didn’t really agree with that, and continued on posting pictures that were slightly altered, but eventually decided I wanted to post pictures as-is. Mainly because I use my blog as a journal and I wanted my pictures to be a part of it, especially if I was to lose everything on my computer and back up – at least I’d know I had SOME pictures saved online.

    I get the argument for not putting pictures of your children online – not just because of pedophiles that could be lurking, but because of how it might impact them when they’re older…this whole idea that kids futures might be shaped by their pasts and potential employers will one day be able to search the internet and know the complete life stories of their potential employees! Although personally I think that line of thinking is going a tad overboard and I’m personally not going to let myself be that paranoid. I don’t post our last name, for example, so no one can specifically search us to know our exact location, that sort of thing. I’m sure it wouldn’t take that much effort to figure out our general location, and I suppose that COULD be creepy, but on the other hand, I don’t see why anyone would be out to get us specifically. And they’d be in for one hell of a fight if they DID come after us, because this Momma Bear isn’t taking any guff from anyone!!!! (Predators, please take note!)

    I think it’s important to just remember that while, yes, these crimes do happen and they have to happen to SOMEONE so that someone COULD be you – it’s highly unlikely to be. Issues of posting pictures of our children online aside, when the Amber Alert first went out, James said to me, oh my god, maybe the boy SHOULD keep sleeping with us! Because this happened just a few days into our new ‘rule’ that he sleep in his own room at night. James was partly ‘kidding’ – he knows as well as I do that Andrew DOES need to get comfy with sleeping solo through the night. Though of course there’s that part of us (and probably the main reason why I was totally cool with Andy co-sleeping for so long) that does feel a million times safer at least knowing we’re all in the same room so if we’re together we must be safe. Still, I know from taking criminology that the likelihood of my own child being abducted is so slim it almost isn’t there. Such a miniscule chance. I will do everything I can to protect him, but I don’t think posting a few pictures here and there of our outings after the fact or what have you are going to make his chances of being kidnapped any more likely. I do think it’s important to censor what pictures are posted online, for example I have rarely if ever posted a picture of him in just his diaper, and obviously haven’t posted any where he’s wearing nothing. I do think it’s important to use discretion, but I also know that pedophiles can take the most innocent looking picture of a child and turn it into something the vast majority of us would never in a million years be able to see. So in that sense, nothing is ‘safe.’ We just have to remember that as long as we’re being careful (not posting something like, going to such n’ such park this afternoon, taking the kids, hoping to relax and have picnic while kids play! – an invite for trouble!!) it’s not likely anything bad will ever come of us sharing some pictures and stories about our kids.

    To me it’s kind of like waiting for a big earthquake to hit (which reminds me, eek, although I didn’t feel it being in transit when it happened, there was a 6.4 earthquake here on Friday!) – you know there could be a bad earthquake at some point in time, but as prepared as you can try to be for it you can’t live every second of every day paralyzed by the fear of it happening. You still have to live your life. I love using my blog as a journal, and obviously my boy is the biggest part of my life, so I can’t stop blogging about him. I wouldn’t want to let the potential bad seeds out there ruin something great for me, since my blog is such a positive outlet to me.

    Sorry this is so long-winded, but there’s my 2 cents on the topic!

  • 2. gerda  |  September 11, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    I don’t think your talking about your son and putting up his pictures is going to encourage his abduction in any way. I can’t imagine sickos having the time to go through the zillions of pics of kids on here just to zero in on somebody specific. Unfortunatley they probably lurk in your own town (I don’t mean yours particulary – I mean anywhere) and watch for opportunities (just like this recent case). Children were being abducted long before the internet was ever a concept or word. Like you say the majority of abductions and criminal activity are between individuals known to one another. Don’t forget the advantages of the instant electronic media when there is a problem — super quick and world-wide if required! The best thing you can do and obviously you’re very much in touch with what needs to be done is to be viligant at all times – from now until when he’s 18! Here’s one tip for you from me: if he’s anything like Nico he’ll know soon enough how to unlock all the inside doors (that lead to the outside) and therein lies a big problem. Even with the best supervision you can sometimes be away for a few moments (like a quick bathroom trip) and that’s enough time for them to escape. We put baby-proof knobs (those white plastic thingies) on the doors leading outside. Every child has their own little quirks of what they’re into so just keep tuned in and keep an eye and enjoy the cute little man! Having Lily is a great security too! Awesome that they’re bf! Getting more on to your topic — I did see something about disabling your camera and cellphone about the location of where your pics are taken. That might be a reasonable and doable precaution. Another doable precaution – mothers of the world unite against all these sicko preverts and lock them up for good/and or micro-chip them with gps locators..something better than what we have now which seems like not enough.

  • 3. tristadawn  |  September 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Maybe I was jumping the gun a bit or being too paranoid. Haha.
    It IS something I think about, but I do know that stranger abductions and the like are yes, very rare. Do I think someone is going to stake us out? Likely not. Though my boy is pretty cute. ;) Heh. All kidding aside, it’s kinda what you were saying Elizabeth, in being careful what pictures I post, and not knowing what people are going to do with them. That thought is a little intense. But I have to let go of some anxiety and paranoia. And like you, I don’t think I could just stop posting anything about him all in all. I mean, he is my life, through and through!

    I think that as bloggers, as parents, and the combined, we need to just take precautions, and make sure we aren’t giving out super lots of info (without thinking about it). Just the same as we do for ourselves. It is something that I think we need to think about, but geez, what things DON’T parents think about, andif you’re like me – OVER think!

    Thanks for the comments lovelies! <3


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 27 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 33,108 hits


%d bloggers like this: