I’m back, I’m back, I’m back.
Soooooo, I’ve sort of been MIA. I wish I could say I was soul searching and hugging my babies 24/7, but unfortunately it’s just because I have been downright tired and downright busy. I am having a bit of a, err, time… if you will, with this back to work transition. It’s taking its toll on me, and while I am happy to say that we are in a pretty good routine, it’s because we have to go. Plain and simple. If we weren’t, we would all be unravelling and it just would not be pretty. So, routine it is and routine it has to be. The bonus is that my boy is doing swimmingly well at daycare. He’s a rockstar, he really is. He makes me proud and me makes my heart beam EVERY SINGLE DAY. What a little monkey. Who ever thought humans could love other humans that much? I mean, c’mon now, we all know that humans, most of the time, are kind of… ridiculous? Annoying? Idiotic? Crappy? You pick your choice word. But nope. Not this human, and not this love. This is inTENSE.
Do you even know how many times I have said “I should blog about this” in the past month? Too many, actually. I’m sort of a dork like that. I have been called dork, geek, nerd, what have you. Out loud. By more than one person. So I just go with it, because really, that is what I am and I am alright with that. In my books, when you call me that, you are calling me awesome, so thank you!
(By the way, this post is bound to be a bit of a wild card. Roll with it.)
So in the last month that I was away, while I said that I am not doing any soul searching, that is not entirely true. I am always soul searching, and while I have a lot less time for that now (so it seems), it is all that much more important for me to do a lot of soul searching. You see… I had a rebirth when the boy entered our lives. Obviously I guess, right? I think it is sort of an unspoken right but maybe not. Anyway, I had a major one. Huge. Life changing, perspective shifting, all that awesome stuff. I sort of kind of felt like I was hitting the tip of the iceberg on that journey and then blammo, thrown back into my place of employment. It was hard. It still is, and it might always will be. No jonesin’ here. SO, in terms of that, because I am not living my life in a sort of free for all sense anymore, I need to be looking inward in order to look outward. That really truly is another post for another day, but in my soul searching I have done numerous things. Regarding self-care, it has always been really important for me to take care of every single aspect of me. Physical, creative/spiritual, social, emotional, mental… what have you. So as you can see above, I have learned to knit. Oh yes I have, and what you are seeing above is my first completed project, a super spunky rainbow dishcloth to bring some much needed light to the dismal task of scrubbing crumbed up, filthy dishes. I am also working on a scarf for myself. In fact, I made quite a bit of progress, and then tore it all off because it was way too wide and I was not happy with it. So back at square one we are.
Also in terms of the creative spiritual stuff, I whipped up a bath of a post-partum herbal bath (first photo) for some dear friends who are bringing life to Earth within the next couple of days to the next couple of months. I borrowed the recipe from this post about ‘Mother Roasting’ and it smells absolutely glorious. I am going to package it up all prettily and give with grace. Alongside that, I also made Mother’s Milk Tea, using a recipe from the Passionate Homemaking blog. The benefits of the herbs in the tea are listed on the site. I haven’t tasted it yet but I figure I probably should before I’m gifting it to others.
These projects are the beginning of one of my goals, or should I just say intentions, of 2012, which is to give homemade gifts… only. It sounds doable but it also does sound very laborious. It is fulfilling for me to give gifts in the first place, but it does a little something special for my heart and for my soul to give a gift that I created, so let’s hope this bandwagon keeps on chuggin’.
In terms of physical care, I have been really focusing and working on going to the gym in the mornings before work. It does mean that I have to get up at around 5:15am to be there for 5:30, but it feels oh so very good once I am there, and even better once I am leaving there, sweaty brow and all. 6:30am and my workout is done for the day? Day-um. It’s hard, it really is, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I am pretty sure I got some indirect messages that I wouldn’t be able to do it, so a slight part of the awesomeness is pride and being able to say, oh shit yeah I’m doing it. Keeping active has always been really important to me, and so I could not jeopardize that aspect upon going back to work. And there is no way that once I get home, bundled up, cozied up with my fam-jam, that I would be heading out to the gym to get some sweating in. Nope. Not happening.
Also somewhat in line with the spiritual piece, but moreso with the mental/emotional piece, is that I have sought out some counselling for myself. Finally. I have met with her three times so far, and it’s been alright. She has helped me to gain some perspective on certain aspects of my life and relationships with people, and my different roles that I have taken on. What really prompted this was going back to work and how difficult it really was and is. I knew that I had to do something else to take care of myself, and so I reached out in this regard. I am not sure how long I will see her or where it will go, but I only know that it is a start. I yearn for a connection, and the age old ‘when the student is ready the teacher will come’ I guess kind of stands, and does relate. It feels really good to lay it all out there, because I have spent the majority of my life being the one that people dump their stuff onto. And that’s okay! But it’s really hard not to get caught up in that. And it’s even harder to sort of forget about yourself in that process. Losing myself is not where I want to be.
Socially, I think sort of speaks for itself. In this little rebirth thingy I’ve got going on, I have come to recognize the people that I genuinely need to have close by, within reach. I need my solid supports like anybody else, but I have never felt such a strong pull towards people that I consider close to me. You really get to know people on a different level at certain times of your life, and I truly feel blessed to have the people in my life that I do. I think they’re all there for some reason or another, whether it’s cosmic or whether it is simply a good ol’ friendly relationship with somebody that means the world to me. But there are people that we cross paths with in school, or in jobs, or wherever. A lot of them come and go, but there’s those special ones. Those special ones, who years later, are there more than they have ever been. Those special ones shine. Those special ones really make me wonder how after only working together sporadically for a couple months, eight years later, she’s still there. Hold them close, people. They’re few and far between.
Also related to pretty much every aspect of myself (and I’ve likely blogged about this too many times) is the fact that I want to and need to continue doing this regularly. I feel good when I write. I feel good when I share with others and engage in dialogue, and so I need to, need to, need to keep this up. It is an outlet for me, and while I do feel censored (I hate that I do, but bottomline, I don’t tell everyone everything, and while there are things I would love to write about and have some of you read, honestly, I am not so sure how I feel about all of the world reading it. No harsh feelings, just how it is) I do feel excited by the idea of sharing things and connecting.
So with that, I am going to more efficiently glue myself to this here couch, and zone out for a couple hours before bed. Netflix, anyone?
Entry filed under: Birth, Happy Hump Day, Health & Fitness, Love, Mamabear, Women's Health. Tags: creativity, daycare, holistic health, knitting, motherhood, nursing tea, parenthood, postpartum herbal bath, rebirth, saskatoon, spiritual, spirituality, working moms.