Posts tagged ‘exercise’

Heal the soul, Feed the heart.

I am so sick and tired about blogging how I never blog.  I am sick of starting posts with “I’m back” or “so I took an unintentional break.”  It’s all the same junk, all the time.  I take breaks, they are unintentional.  I have mini-meltdowns, I forget about my blog, I get up on the uppity and sail through my life without so much as a thought about my main writing outlet.  How dare I ignore myself, because this blog really is just an extension of that?  I prevent myself from writing about anything substantial, aside from the fact that when I am gone that is substantial but most definitely not the most substantial moment that has occurred since the last time I wrote.  SIGH DOUBLE SIGH.

I am not sure if I have made a promise before, to myself and to my blog.  Probably?  Kinda feel like I’ve been there done that with every sort of “I VOW TO BLOG ALL THE TIME EVERY TIME” deal, but please don’t judge as I am about to make it again.

Aside from my mini-explanation two days ago, I haven’t blogged in nearly three months.  That is an eternity.  Imagine something you thoroughly enjoy, now axe it out of your life for three months and imagine the sorrow.  My heart is filled with it, and then part of my heart gets mad because I am the only one that can change that and I haven’t done that.

I feel like I am at a very transitional point in my life, and in all honesty, I think I always will be.  As human beings, I think we always are, because we always are growing and changing, even if we feel we are pretty stagnant.   The last five months have been an incredible adjustment, and they totally still are, and I am still adapting.  I think C is too, though seriously, I feel like he is just going with the flow and is mostly loving it.  The boy loves daycare.  He loves his friends.  He loves his daycare provider.  That really just tickles me pink, it truly does.  Mainly, I am happy he is happy.   Daycare is not a choice for us but a necessity, at this point in our lives anyway.  If we had a choice, we wouldn’t be utilizing it, or at least not on a full-time basis, I already know this much is true.  I am pretty certain I would be much happier, more fulfilled and satisfied, if I was a mama who did not work out of the home or at least not on a full-time basis.  It feels awful to write such a sentiment, but it is what I believe.  The tricky part of this is, because it is not really an option right now, is navigating it so I still feel thoroughly fulfilled, and that I am providing my family and myself with the very best me possible.  That part, I haven’t yet figured out.  What I do know, is my boy is growing way fast, and I know that part of what I need to do is to let go of my hangups around what I can’t have, and focus on trying to enjoy what I do have.  It’s the quality now, not the quantity.  Wise words from some wise women.

Back in January (!!!) I talked about the growth I have been encountering, the changes I have been making, and while they are mostly the same, there’s even more to add to it, and that warms my heart deeply.  I’m still on my handmade gift only path, and we’re heading into the middle of April.  It’s so fun, so satisfying, and it really nurtures and helps to fulfill my creative soul.  I have sewn turtles and flax magic bags, made no-sew fleece blankets, made miniature taggy blankets, along with various other goodies.  I am learning skills left right and centre and I absolutely love it.  I’ve got to gather up some more tricks for my bag of crafts, because I’m needing a dose of fresh crafty ideas in my life, but for now this is good.

Another huge development in my life is that I registered for the Doula Training course that is offered here.  I am beyond thrilled for this new step in my life and I have this feeling, I just know, that this is going to be a good thing.  I questioned myself slightly before I registered, mainly because I had to drop a bit of cash in order to take the course, but I know deep, deep down that I am meant to do this.  It is my passion through and through, for various reasons.  I thought I’d get the birth high, then it would dwindle, but oh no, ohhh noo it’s still there, stronger than ever.  I am not obsessed, I am passionate.  The gig starts April 26, and is ten weeks long, one night a week.  I imagine I will branch out in the blog-world to have a doula biz site up, but that’s for another day.

As of Saturday morning, I have temporarily deactivated my Facebook account.  It was a decision that I had to do.  The clincher for me, was the struggle I actually had with clicking ‘Deactivate.’  I couldn’t do it, well I mean – I obviously did, but I hummed and ha’ed for quite some time, days, before I went ahead and did it.  That experience alone reinforced to me that I was far too addicted to it.  It had taken a hold of my life, and gripped it with all of its psychotic Facebook intensity.  SO not cool.  The whole smart phone phenomenon made it even worse.  Honestly?  Do I need to check my Facebook ALL the time? Just ‘to check’?  Highly unlikely.  But even more than that, was the psychopathic tendencies of Facebook, that is, if Facebook was a person.  Stalkerish, right?  Creepy.  And I was a part of the game.  I couldn’t let go of certain Friends on my Friends list, because the fun would end.  And by fun I mean, the ability for me to poke my head in on their virtual life at any given time.  I get that we are in the 21st century and social networking is the way of the future, but when does it become social psychopathic tendencies and not social networking anymore?  Hmm.  The privacy settings are shady at best, and I just needed a break..  It is not okay when I feel my blood pressure rise, my cheeks become rosy, at the sight of some ridiculous, attention-seeking status update by someone I really don’t even care about. That is not okay.  Sure, there are plenty of things I like about Facebook.  I like the support that some of the communities provide, the ability to see photographs of family and friends in faraway lands, but for now, for me, there are other ways to have these needs met.  And quite honestly, I’d like to spend a little bit more time talking to the people I care about instead of creeping on some jerk-face who I really don’t.

I am no longer seeing the counsellor I mentioned in my second last post.  Not because of anything more than we  really weren’t getting anywhere that significant.  It was alright, and she helped to somewhat shed light on a few issues I was struggling with, but it was not entirely what I needed.  In hindsight, I am not even sure know what I need.  We’re at that point, and I know it’s not a great point to be at, but it’s a starting point, and I know I am here, so I’ll roll with it.  And it’s nothing against psychologists, but that is not exactly what I am needing right now, I don’t believe.  So tomorrow the journey continues, and I will meet with a homeopathic doctor/social worker/counsellor in one.  She comes HIGHLY recommended and so I am quite anxious to have this experience.  I’ve got a couple of things I want to address, and I am also anticipating that she will guide the session and we will do some exploring.

As for my running shoes, they haven’t been laced up in way too long.  March came and went, and that is the hardest month of every year for me.  The winters are too long, and the spring lingers.  I love the first days of spring, but then let’s get this show on the road.  I am tired of cold mornings, and my cold appendages itch for warm skin.  The plan is to get out there and get running, again, because last summer when I learned that running was a total outlet for me, was one of the best summers ever, and I need that injection of wholeness, of light, and of endorphins, in my life, on a constant basis.  The issue right now is that I am feeling really unable to battle the brisk mornings, and so I’m anxiously awaiting the warm ones.  In time?

And without turning to ‘external’ sources of healing, I am mostly feeling very blessed, very privileged, to have this here family that I do.  My son provides me with an insane amount of beauty, life, and love, and I don’t even know how to say it properly.  He basically just blows my mind, over, and over, and over again.  Every little word he says, every thing he does.  He is the most beautiful soul, the most beautiful creature, the most beautiful beauty.  Yeesh.  And thee baby-daddy, well aye, I get hung up on things, on complains, on this and that, but gosh darn, I am lucky.  Who ever thought I would be living in my small-but-its-cozy house, with a 17 month old, a 3 year old poochy, and a partner?  I am not sure I ever did, but oh boy, am I sure glad I do.

Happy Monday, friends, dream sweetly & sleep tightly.


April 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm 6 comments

But it’s not a word I’m familiar with.

Today I set out to run just for fun, rather than following a specific time.  Well at least partially just for fun – I did have a goal in mind, and that goal was to run 5km.  I’ll first begin by saying, I didn’t meet my goal, but I came absolutely very close and I ran the furthest I have yet to run which is incredible in and of itself.  I ran a whopping 4.35km in about 32 minutes!  My pace was about 7:20/km.  I am blowing my own personal goals RIGHT out of the water and I truly cannot believe it.  I feel so fit and strong, and I know I can only get fitter and stronger.

When I was running today, I was blogging in my head.  I thought to myself, I’m going to write “So, today I ran 5K, but it took me such and such time.”  And then I decided I wouldn’t write but, and then I came up with a reason why, and that’s because but implies that there is something wrong with the words written or mentioned or said before the but, and in this case, there most definitely is nothing wrong with them.  So instead, I thought, I’ll say “So, today I ran 5K, AND it took me such and such time.”  There, there’s nothing to contemplate there about any time being a bad time, because there is no such thing.  Completion is the running theme in my new world of running, and I’m happy to say that I am kicking completion’s ass and so on and so forth.

Nine weeks ago today I started the running program, and I finished it a couple days ago.  Nine weeks ago, Kyle took pictures of me, and he did the same thing for a couple weeks afterwards, and then we forgot.  Today I got him to take pictures of me too so I could compare and wow, am I ever glad we did that.  It’s so neat to SEE progress, obvious progress in my humble opinion.  I was going to compare the pictures from June 26 to now because they seem to be more drastic of a difference, but these are from June 5, the very first day of the C25K.  I think I was sucking in on the pictures, which is super funny to me, but I can see results.  I look more fit, I look stronger, more toned (still a long way to go) and I am FAR more curvy which I love.  Next summer, I have promised myself, I will rock a vintage swimsuit from Popina.

So here are the photos.  I have some work to do on my arms, but this is me in all my running gear glory.  My next goal is to be able to do push-ups.  Heck, A PUSH UP would be nice.  Seriously, I can’t fully do a push up without crashing to the ground.  But if I can go from dying after running for 60 seconds to running 4.35km, surely I can eventually do a push-up or two, right?



Love it.  This picture thing has got me motivated, which is why I decided to have some nachos tonight for supper with my main squeeze.  Totally don’t regret it, but totally don’t plan on always rewarding myself with snacks.  A girl’s gotta live a little, once in awhile, and indulge in some good old fashioned nach-as, right?

And I’m sorta kidding when I say I’m motivated and so I ate.  These days, motivation for me transpires into MORE MORE MORE movement of my body, which is what I wanted to see.  Motivation transpires into creative ideas to get moving, to get healthy, and to give my body what it needs.

I need to find an awesome design for this blog because I am BORED with it.  If anyone wants to help me that would be awesome, and if not, well, screw you, I can do it on my own.  I don’t have a paid WordPress account so I’m sort of stuck with certain settings, but I’ve made it work in the past and I’ll do it again, I just need some creativity injected into my veins, that’s all.  I also need to refresh my About Me page but I’m really struggling with writing a mini-bio.   It’ll come, I tell myself, but if I’m not even really trying super hard, do I really expect it to magically appear, all properly laid out, grammatically correct, and witty?  Likely not.

Expect an awesome post of Cade-isms in the next couple of days.  That dude is seriously FUNNY shit and I have some uber cute stories of things he does and what have you.  Gosh, he makes me laugh.  He makes me smile. He makes me want to go and wake him up for a late-night before bed snuggle.  I WILL regret saying that when he wakes up screaming in a couple hours.  Which he won’t do because now I’ve put it out there and it would be far too coincidental if that happened.



August 7, 2011 at 11:19 pm 12 comments

C25K: Week 9 Day 3, The End!

Or, graduation, as it is called in the Couch-2-5K world.


I am so stinkin’ proud of myself for completing this program, for running 3 days a week for 9 weeks, no setbacks, nothing, just perks and awesome progress.

I conquered a fear.  I went from a place of complete and utter exhaustion after several interval runs of 60 seconds each, to this, to 30 minutes of running non-stop, and to feeling like I could continue to pound the pavement for many more minutes.   I’ve stuck to my word and I’ve run 3 times a week, as well as basically walked every day of the week.  I have NOT done strength training on the off days as planned, but I do plan to.   That’s the hardest part though – setting out and doing it.  Heading off to the gym, or even the backyard, with a few weights, and going at ‘er.  This is something that I really need to do though, because I really feel my lung capacity building and building, but my overall body strength doesn’t really seem to match up.  I feel like I am and would be capable of more more more and my endurance could be greater, it’s just that I need to build myself up.

I also have not taken weekly photos or measured myself weekly as I had planned.  That’s kind of a bummer, but I’m okay with it.  I would like to measure myself this weekend, weigh myself, and see officially where I’m at.  I think I’ve lost about 11-12 lbs, given what the scale tells me on any given morning, which is my own personal legit weigh-in that I have come to rely on.  The most important thing of all is I feel stronger, I feel healthier, and I feel happier.  The running has taken over this huge health component of my life and has strongly encouraged me to pursue other healthy habits.  Everything in my life, since having Cade, has had such an amazing and positive domino effect that shit, I really have a LOT to thank that little guy for.  For reals though.  Cloth diapers have motivated me to be more enviro-friendly in other areas of my life, hence my deep desire to get a Diva Cup very soon, to use our own cleaning supplies and rid of the chemicals, to minimize the use of plastic snack bags and what have you.  Exercising with such a strong and intense purpose has motivated me to put good stuff into my body, to consume loads and loads of water, and to model this to my boy, so he in turn will feel good about treating his body with respect and love.  Gosh, I really do owe this little angel a lot.  Give it up for Cade, y’all!  And that’s not even the half of it.  Cripes.

I shed a few tears on my run last night.  Did I mention that I am also a sensitive and fragile being since I’ve experienced pregnancy, birthing and becoming a mother?  It’s ridic.  I cry at everything.  I think I actually have mentioned it. It’s a pretty strong and rampant theme in my life right now, so it absolutely trails into my running. I’m one of those saps that chokes up at silly TV commercials. I am one of them.

This whole journey has been extremely emotional and empowering for me. I have shown myself that I can DO things. This body is capable of a whole lot that I might not have thought it was a couple years ago. A whole lot of it is mental. I really had to put my mind to it, I really had to set out and convince myself, tell myself, that I am a capable, strong woman, who can DO shit. And I DID shit, alright. This body, this big ol’ body that I have criticized, that I have had up and down relationships with, that I have loved and loathed, is now one of my friends. We’re becoming all chumpy and what not, once again, and you know what, it feels really good. I am learning to respect it and treat it how it wants to, needs to and should be treated. Rome wasn’t built in a day though, and so we too are learning. How can I treat myself, my body, the vessel that carries all my own most preciousness, in such a disastrous way and expect it to reward me with life? I absolutely cannot, that is not an option and the only thing that was getting in the way of that was fear and self-loathing tendencies. It’s not fair to my family and it is not fair to me to have went on beating myself up, theoretically I mean, with food and bad energy and sedentary ways. So we’re on this journey and I feel so very committed to it, and I can’t even really say that. I don’t feel like it’s apart from me, I don’t feel like it is something tangible that I must grab a hold of and commit to. I feel like I have truly and genuinely internalized the shit out of it, this new way of living, and so now we just motor on, going about our life, because that’s just the way it is.

August 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm 5 comments

C25K: Week 9 Day 1

We’re in the final stretch now and it feels OH. SO. GOOD.

I’ve been saying and thinking “I’m doing this! I’m doing this!” all along, and pretty soon I can say “I DID IT!” and do you know how friggin’ good that feels?  Conquering a fear, something I told myself I couldn’t do, and instead, went on to prove myself, and I’m sure many other naysayers wrong?  Shit yeah!  I belong in some kind of new club or something now.  I feel like when I see people running, and I’m just out for a leisurely walk, I want to yell out, “I can do that too!  I’m just not doing it right now.”  

I did my first run of the last week on a treadmill, because by the time I got my butt in gear to go, it was way too flippin’ hot and I didn’t want to battle heat exhaustion like last time I decided it was an amazing idea to git’er done in the sun.  I don’t know my exact distance, because the treadmill kept turning off whenever I’d switch the fan on, but I THINK it was almost 3 miles, which is aaaaaaaawesome for me, best yet.  There was a time where I had the speed set to 5.5 mph!  But my average was about 5.0 mph, which is still a huge step.  The only other time I ran on a treadmill, I was running at about 4.3 mph, and that was week 6 day 3 I think?  We’re making headway, oh yes we are.

My weight loss is at about 10 lbs, I think I’ve posted that before, but even more awesome is my energy level has increased and I am very aware of that.  My clothes are fitting looser, and I feel like I “take up less space” than I did before.  I am learning to love my body again, but we’ve still got some work to do.  I went through a nasty phase when I was a few months post-partum.  It was hard and difficult and… interesting, because I had worked so long to come to a sort of peace with my body and its “imperfections.”  So when my mind came crashing down and tried to tell me to hate on myself, I sort of listened to it at times, and we were not in a happy place as much as we should’ve been.  But we’re getting there!  We’re working on it, and there are so many contributing factors, including… my happy pills (Vitamin D and Omega 3’s), sunshine, exercise, well-balanced diet and treating myself one day a week, and most of all, my fricken’ awesome little family and life I’ve got going on here.  I’ve got to do a lot of reminders, daily almost, because I see things I don’t have but desperately want, and then I start to feel like a little kid and am sad that I can’t have such and such.  That’s when I have to take a tiny little step out of my mind, look at what I’ve got, as cliche as maybe it sounds, and re-evaluate.  We do that a lot lately.

I’m trying to think of a way to treat myself after I finish this program.  One thing I am doing is going out with a couple of my besties on Thursday.  I don’t do it very often so that will be a huge treat, however, I’d like to personally reward myself with something.  It’s hard when money is tight, so it can’t be anything too extravagant, and I don’t necessarily want it to be something food-related either.   Anyone have any ideas?   I’d love to buy myself a brand spankin’ new pair of awesome, pro-fitted runners, because I know that I need them to avoid potential injury, but I’d be looking at about a hundred dollar bill there.  We’ll see.  I haven’t bought myself new running shoes for about… 3 years, so, yeah, it’s probably really bad that I’m running in these ones, but they are in decent shape.  Still though, I need to get in on the shoe market SOON before I smash my feet all up.  So throw your ideas at me and we’ll see what we can do.

Oh and totally not C25K related, but I’m taking on a little project and I’m having a lot of fun with it.   I’m now an Admin on the Facebook page for The Birthing Site.  It’s awesome, informative, and fun.  I love to support amazing people as they go through an amazing stage in their life, and I am learning a lot.  You should come check it out.  You don’t have to agree with all of the articles posted, or links, or what have you.  We are welcoming of ALL birthing experiences, not just “natural”.  The main thing is we encourage woman to be educated about what ALL of their options may be, so they can make the right choice for THEM, which may not be the right choice for anyone else, but that’s not the important thing.  Come and say hello!

August 2, 2011 at 12:09 am 4 comments

C25K: Week 8 Day 3

Woop!  Killed it this time instead of just mildly torturing it.

(Oh! I want to link to this article comparing breastfeeding to running.  I’ve linked it before but it’s friggin’ awesome hence the double link.  Enjoy.)

I killed it in terms of pace, speed and challenge, but I did not kill it in terms of distance.  In fact, I have taken a few steps backwards when it comes to distance, but only for this one run, and I THINK it’s because I tackled a MASSIVE hill, I ran at a very very intense incline for probably about 6 blocks.  It was hard, it slowed me down to no end, and there were many-a-time where I thought I should stop and walk the hill, then give’r the rest of the way, but not once did I stop, not once did I let my negativity overcome my abilities, because I knew that it was there.

I ran down to the river tonight and along the river for only a slight bit, and then back home.  It’s funny how I can always time my runs so that I am arriving home just as the run should be done.  I guess I’ve been running around this neighbourhood for the last 8 weeks so I’ve got a pretty good grip on how long it takes to get from point A to point B.  I am SOOOOOOO excited to start week 9 because I KNOW THAT I CAN TACKLE IT, ROUGH HOUSE IT, and MAKE IT!  And that just makes me so astoundingly happy.  Two more minutes of running than what I’ve been doing?  Piece of cake.  I’ve got this, baby, I’VE. GOT. THIS.

Whenever I see other people running, I feel like we are in a bit of a secret club and we can connect on a level unheard of.  It’s a neat feeling and I feel good to be part of ‘that group’, or clique, really.  Grade 8, how I’ve missed thee.  And this is totally egotistical and actually I am wondering if I should even put this anyway but I’m going to because I know deep down that I am not an egotistical selfish person, and I hope you know that too, so… here goes.  Sometimes when I see people running intervals, like they are just starting out a program, or doing a different kind of running program, I VERY SECRETLY (not so much anymore, sigh) think to myself, maybe they read my blog, and maybe I inspired them, and maybe they’re doing the C25K challenge and secretly following along on my blog!  YAY.  Likely NOT but it’s fun to think that and it gives me a jump in my step.

Since we’re divulging, I’m going to divulge something to y’all that makes me feel like a big whopping loser but that’s okay.  I think I did so well tonight at running because I was totally using it as a therapy tool.  A couple hours prior I had a meltdown on the phone with the National Student Loans Service Centre.  Like, I’m talking a breakdown.  I’m kind of embarassed and I’m willing to bet I was the girl they talked about after we hung up the phone.  Ugh.  Since I’ve been on maternity leave I have readjusted my loan so that I only have to make interest payments.  I initially wanted to do repayment assistance where the government would help me, but our income was above the limit for that.   That was stressful, because they have super strict dates and things you have to do and if you don’t get it in RIGHT on that date, it’s kibashed, but yet you still have to wait for pay stubs, information saying how much you make, etc., and if you don’t have it by that date, kaboom, done.  I kind of got the runaround with that so needless to say whenever Student Loans comes into the picture I have a mild panic attack.  I got a letter in the mail saying my account was SERIOUSLY PAST DUE and I owed like, $3000 or something, and my account was negatively affecting my credit.  I was ultra confused because I HAD made the payments that I was required, however, they had sent a letter with my revision of terms that I was supposed to sign and return by a certain date (aforementioned STRICT DATE) and since I didn’t, blam, all done, things got f’ed over and cancelled.  I DIDN’T GET THE LETTER.  So I started crying on the phone.  To the poor lady at the student loans centre.  Whom I said “Just listen to me PLEASE! I keep getting screwed over! I am so confused, please just listen to me explain this, *sob sob sob sob*”  Like I said, UGH.   This is what pregnancy and motherhood hormones do to us!  So long story short, I’m kind of a loser, it’s all figured out now and all is well and I don’t owe $3000 after all (good grief, thank goodness), and I took out my lameness on my run hence the awesomness.  The end.

Week 9, you’re on baby, YOU ARE ON.  I’m pumped.  Cue Rocky theme song music here.

July 29, 2011 at 2:39 pm 2 comments

C25K: Week 8 Day 1

I can officially run for 28 minutes straight.  Shazam!  I killed it, too.  It felt easier than week 7, which blows my fricken’ mind.  How can running 3 whole minutes more be easier?  Just doesn’t add up.  But apparently it does, ’cause I did it.  I actually totally blew week 8 day 1 out of the WATER and I was so pumped about it.  I took a new route too, which spices things up and makes it seem more interesting.  It keeps it fresh and real, and I’m all about that.

My total route was about 4.3km last night, which is a little tiny bit of a step up.   Still going about the same pace as I have been for the last couple weeks, but that’s totally cool.  It’s all about the distance, and by distance I mean, the amount of distance/time I can run for straight, and I am killing that personal goal of mine so we’re doing good.  My (loosely devised but definitely doable) plan is to do the C25K program all over again once I finish, but not before doing a week of 3 runs, at 5km each, no matter how long it takes me.   I want to say I can run a 5k, and I know that I CAN but I haven’t done it yet, so I just need to do it and then I can say it, legitimately, with some backing.

I seem to have somewhat abandoned my morning runs, but I’d love to get back into it.  It happened when I was out of town for a week, and it just didn’t really work for me to get up at 7am and go, mostly because Cade had a few rough nights and this mama just couldn’t get her morning act together.  And for me, it’s either go super early in the morning, or go at night when the humidity won’t suffocate me.  I used to think there was no way I could run if it was past like, 8am, but I guess I’m wrong.  Maybe I just used it as a silly excuse?  Who knows what goes on in this brain sometimes.  I sure don’t.

To be honest, I feel like I am running out of things to say about the runs and the program and the way it has changed my life.  I always feel the same things, just more intensely each time.  I feel like I will bore y’all to death if I keep going on incessantly about how it is so amazing, how I am making myself proud, and how I feel like a million bucks.  But really, secretly, I cannot wait until my C25K ‘graduation’ post where I can go on and on and on and again, secretly (but not so much anymore) I don’t CARE if it’s boring because I am going to be on top of the world, going on and on about the program.  I really should have shares in it or something, because I’ve name-dropped SO many times in the last 2 months.  Oi.

So with that, I’m-a end this now.  No sense in going on and on right?  You’re going to hear it all over and over again, and you’ve heard it all in the past.  Non-stop madness.  I did it, I killed it, I’m proud and pride is going to rob me of words for the time being.

July 25, 2011 at 10:41 am 6 comments

C25K: Week 7 Day 3

These weeks are flying by so very, very fast.  I am done week 7 which means I have 2 weeks to go.  That’s it.  That’s all.  And, bearing any unforeseen circumstances, I know I can finish these 2 weeks, so that’s a bit of a perk me up.

I really struggled with day 3.  It was rainy and gloomy.  The rain, I love.  Running in the rain is lovely.  I am not a fan of gloomy days and so that threw me off a bit, but I did it, I completed it, and I did the same route as day 2, except… wait for it, I did it 2 minutes faster than day 2!  GO ME.  At this rate, it will still take me just under 42 minutes to complete a full 5k, but we’re getting there.  I really don’t think that’s that bad, I know it’s slower than I’d like, but what I love right now is that I’m doing it.  Can I say F the speed, F the distance?  Well I’m going to.  My main goal is completion, full completion, full runs, no stopping, and that is exactly what I’m doing and no less.

I weighed myself this morning, like I do every morning, and if I were to record today’s first morning weight, I am at a 10 lb loss, which is astounding to me.  My weight fluctuates severely every single day, and I know this because there’s a small part of me that I am not proud of that steps on that scale several times throughout the day.  I am mildly obsessive about it but not in an unhealthy way, if that is possible given the obsession at hand?  Point is, I’ve lost NEARLY 10 lbs since I started the program 7 weeks ago.  That’s incredible to me.  And I feel like a million bucks.  I have loads of energy, and I have adopted a ‘why walk when you can run’ attitude, well, most of the time.

If you knew me 3 months ago, 3 years ago, 5 years ago, you know I’m not a runner.  I am not an athlete.  I am not physically inclined to do anything, really.  I shouldn’t say I’m lazy.  I’m a walker.  I love to take my pooch and my boy on walks, and I love to walk with Kyle, pondering the day’s events, breathing in the fresh summer evening air.  But I do not run and I do not play sports.  I work out merely because I have to, because it promotes healthy living and weight loss, but even then, I wasn’t a fan of working out.  I wasn’t one of those crazy people that says they love working out and going to the gym.  Do people really love that or are they lying?

But things have changed around here people.  This is a new me and this is some foreign new awesome mindset that has erupted and taken over my previous fear-based, anxious way of living.  And to be honest, I like this way of living better.  You might not believe me when I say – and you don’t have to! – that I love going running.  Sometimes it’s hard to get my gear on, shoes laced up, and ass out the door, but once I am there, I am SO there and I am in it with my whole heart, my wearisome heart that is no longer wearisome, but it is full of CAN’s.  I can I can I can.  I want to abolish can’t from my language because it is so negative and so harmful, if only to ourselves.

I want to give a shout out to a bloggy friend (I’m a fricken’ nerd, we have established that already have we not?) who is doing the C25K challenge and is kicking it’s ass over and over again.  Suz, you are incredible and inspiring.  I also want to steal a quotation she recently blogged, it’s from self-proclaimed “penguin” (slow-runner, oh, running lingo!)  John Bingham’s book “No Need for Speed: A Beginner’s Guide to the Joy of Running” (I need to read this book):

You can find out that it’s possible for you to push your limits to new highs and lows.  You can realize that what always seemed like suffering is really your soul being galvanized in the heat of effort.  You can discover that you have a deeper strength than you ever imagined.  Nothing stops you except your own inertia.  Nothing prevents you from joining the ranks of those who have found the magic in movement.  Nothing keeps you from starting or improving except your belief that you can’t.  For 43 years, I was trapped in my own false beliefs.  I was trapped in a history of clumsiness and strikeouts and dropped balls.  Like so many other less-than-athletically-gifted children, I learned quickly that I was different.

All of that can change with a single step.  All the memories of failure and disappointment can be wiped out.  Everything you’ve dreamed you can be, all the moments you’ve wished you could have, are out there for you.  The secret is that there is no secret.  The magic is that there is no magic.  The answers you are looking for lie somewhere between the bottom of your shoes and the road beneath your feet.”


July 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm 4 comments

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