Posts tagged ‘fitness’

The First Year.


It’s not even that I have been procrastinating, I just haven’t really had time.  The start of the first year, our lives changed dramatically, and the same goes for the start of the second year.  What a whirlwind.  I got to a point tonight where I started to feel severely overwhelmed.  I can keep my shit together, for the most part.  We’re nearing the end of back to work week 3, and it is sort of sinking in that, yup, this is how it will be for the next little while.  It is hard and draining and emotionally overwhelming.  Being AT work itself is not horrible.  My office has a window and that helps exponentially.  I think about my my boy, my love, and my pooch constantly, but the work itself?  Fine.  I am not knee deep in it yet though.  Maybe ask me in a month?

The after work part is the hardest.  At about 3pm I start to feel completely tapped out and drained.  So by the time we pick up the boy from daycare (which is going swimmingly!) and then get home, unload, put away stuff from the day, I am spent.  And that’s before supper.  I’m trying to go to bed at a decent hour, and I have to, because as of 3 days ago I made a decision to start waking up at 5am so I can be at the gym for 5:30.   But I’m still absolutely drained of energy by the end of the day.  The thought of cleaning, the thought of doing dishes, the thought of any extra responsibility tires me.  I know it will take getting used to and I am really trying to be positive.  It’s just hard.  The year I had with my boy is the year I got used to, and now it has changed again.  The post-partum adjustment period was crazy.  I remember March being a rough month.  In hindsight, it was pretty bad.   I was in a bad place and didn’t bother to seek out support aside from my immediate peeps.  Not good.  So my point, is that it took me awhile.  I thought I was awesome with change but apparently it takes me a little bit.  The only thing I can think to do, is to remind myself that this is okay.  It’s okay if I need time.

The issue I am struggling with the most is that the bulk of my energy is going to work.  I don’t think this is a bad thing, obviously.  I like my work, I enjoy what I do, and I’m passionate about it.  I put in my all when I am at work, but I have made a promise to myself that I am not carrying it home with me.  I cannot do that.  It would not be fair to me, but mostly, it would not be fair to my family.  I already am struggling with the fact that at the end of the day, when I’m spent, my fuse is shortened, my patience thinner.  I am not being the best mother that I can be.   I am not being the best partner I can be.  I am probably not being the best friend I can be either.  I know what my potential is (sorta – sometimes my modesty gets in the way) and it saddens me that I am not living up to it.  I don’t think my standards are high, it is simply a matter of routine, and getting into it.  Figuring out how to jive with this new life thing.

So technically that is part of the second year and since this is supposed to be a reflection… onward!

My first year of motherhood, eh?  I don’t even really feel like I can completely capture it appropriately with words, but I’m going to give it a shot.

For starters, the moment I birthed my boy, my life was forever transformed.  And at that point, I didn’t even realize how much that statement was going to be truer than true.  From the getgo, I fell immediately in love with this most precious little being.  (We officially 100% completely bonded on all applicable levels, not immediately, not even the next day, but I remember the moment I thought oh THIS is bonding, I thought that I was bonded before but no, THIS is it.  Before?  That was survival).  My body, our bodies, created life.  This simple fact blows my mind to this very day.  It’s not even unnatural, obviously, it’s happening by the second, worldwide.  But it’s beautiful and unreal.  It is captivating.

We began to embark on a journey of sorts.  It started out rocky.  We still hit rocky patches.  But mostly, it’s smooth.  And journeys are sort of boring when they become too consistent, right?   I am grateful and overjoyed that my boy keeps me on my toes, every second of every minute of every hour of every day.  I am not even exaggerating.  He is a busy, busy little soul, and an explorer at heart.  I am so excited to watch where his soul, his explorer capabilities take him.   Every day he makes me smile, every day he makes me laugh.  What gets me through every single work day, is knowing that at the end of it, I get to run up to the door (sometimes if I’m nice I let Kyle go), open the door handle, and see the most beautiful little face, waiting for me, reaching for me.  It warms my heart.  Honestly, sometimes so much I fear the risk of overheating.

It blows my mind the amount of stuff children learn and do in the first year of their life.  That is IN-TENSE.  Smile. Laugh. Roll over. Hold things. Sit up. Crawl. Stand up. Walk (sometimes).  Play.  Learn.  Talk.  Eat.  Drink.  Develop the strongest relationship with his pup.  ;)  The other day I was asking my little angel to give his mama a kiss, and he, without breaking his look away from the passerbys in the grocery store of course, opened up his mouth, leaned in to me, and planted the sloppiest wettest most awesome kiss ever.   It fascinates me (but not really, because I already know that children are obviously so smart, they are human friggin’ beings!) that he knows how to do this, and just picked up on it like so.   And that is only one example.  Kid blows my mind.

And as for my own personal journey from being a woman, to being a woman with a child, a mother, this little boy has changed me in ways that even I will not be able to pinpoint.  All I know is, I feel in some ways like a completely different woman, but in some (a lot) of ways, exactly the same.  There are things I get now, that I had no concept of before, mostly because I didn’t feel the need to have a concept of.  There are things I am passionate about now that were over my head before.  My ability to be assertive has increased tenfold, and along with that, I have softened up by even more.  Everything is touching, everything is special and sentimental.  A friend said to me, it’s because we have given birth, and so we feel like we have given birth to everything, and I couldn’t have said it better.  I feel like I am on a path that I was not on before.  I have hopes and dreams and passions that I want to fulfill.  The concept of health means more to me than it ever did.  I really feel like I have never worked this hard to be healthy in my life, aside maybe from when I was pregnant, because I truly felt at my healthiest then.  It is one thing to put healthy, wholesome things in our body, and to regulate how we manage our muscles and our bones.  But this here mind, this here heart, this shit needs to be in tip-top shape.  I have recognized ways in which I am not being the best person I can be.  It’s not even that I have some ridiculously high standards for myself, because I really don’t think I do.  In fact, I think that I am living my life in an even simpler way than before, if that is even possible.

I have never had as little money as I do right now, but I have never felt this happy.  Or this excited about what tomorrow, or next week, or next year, might bring.  I have never felt so connected to a little being before.  I still cannot believe I am a mother and I have a son.  I have never felt this intimate with my spouse.  There’s this super intense level of intimacy, bonding, and energy field that has developed – or maybe not so much developed as expanded – between the two of us, and how we interact with one another, and with other important people in our lives.  I have never had as many ridiculous 3am sleep-deprived arguments in my life, but I have never had as much positive growth and soul-searching either.  My life, our lives, have changed exponentially.  I can’t put it into words but as you can see – if you’ve made it this far – I have tried.  I might have different ways of doing things, or varying ideas and beliefs than before (or perhaps they are simply just interpreted as so or are just being voiced now by the new assertive me ;).  But different does not have to mean bad or negative.  I am not scared of change or growth, and I don’t want you to be either.  Look where it’s got us so far?


November 23, 2011 at 9:45 pm 3 comments

Keep Calm + Carry On.

Well well well, another evening post wherein I have not learned that posting in the late evening is probably not my best bet.  I shall attempt this over and over again until it REALLY bites me where I don’t want to be bitten.  But for now, I will obey my post every day in September personal challenge, and just DO it.

Since I spent 9 weeks (!!!) posting incessantly about running, running, and running, I feel it somewhat necessary to make this a sort of ongoing (ish) theme of this here blog.  I haven’t talked about running in a LONG time, so here goes nothing.

Laura from Ink and Sheep (go check out her amazing crafty abilities, she wow’ed me, let her wow you too!) commented yesterday, and asked some questions that prompted this post:

“I’m curious to know if you’re still running now that you finished the 9 weeks and what your next running goals are? Or maybe it inspired you to make other changes in your life? Or maybe other things you’d like to achieve, whether they are running related or not.”

I am shocked and apalled, slightly, that I managed to let running take over my life for several weeks, in fact – I welcomed running into my life – and then I just kinda forgot about it.  On my blog, anyway.  I am happy, proud and so satisfied to announce that I am in fact still running.  And I am still giving it my all.  Ish.  It’s a weird thing, you see.  I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned it, or maybe I have and just forgot, but we got temporarily gifted a used jogging stroller that was not being used, and so since I wanted to do the program all over again and focus on speed, I thought, hmm, jogging stroller – check, C25K program again – check, I may as well combine the two, and so I have.  It feels like a completely new endeavour, in a sense.  It’s weird doing the program again – because part of me wants to slack a bit since I know that I can do it, and so it’s not AS challenging, but part of me is struggling just a tad because well, it’s harder jogging with a stroller.  I never realized how much I used my arms to gain momentum, and to help push me, but turns out I use them more than I thought I did.  It also turns out that while jogging strollers glide smoother than your regular ol’ everyday stroller, you’re still pushing weight and running while pushing that weight, and while that makes for a bit of a strength-building workout combined with running, it makes for one tired mama.  Add Lily and her leash into the mix and it’s sort of a mish-mash at times.

BUT, it’s really not that bad, and dare I say it, easier than I thought jogging with a stroller and a dog would be.  It’s probably a blessing that Lily only weighs 5lbs, but that’s beside the point…

So that is my current running goal.  To finish the C25K again, with Lily AND Cade, both my babies.  Lily still loves it, and Cade also loves chilling out in the stroller while we run throughout the streets, takin’ it all in.  We’ve been going in the morning before his morning nap, and it works out well.  It’s been incorporated into our routine easy enough and I love that I am able to take Cade with me, and that he will actually SEE me working out, running my face (+ heart + soul) off like crazy, to the best of my abilities.  When he’s older, this will be even more important, but for now it works and I am glad that it is just one more activity we are able to do together that is healthy, and that I can tell him about when he is older.

Becoming a mother and learning how to run and how to not fear running (or parenthood, for that matter) have been two of the most transformative experiences of my LIFE.  I don’t feel like I have the proper words, energy, or insight (like I said, I suck + it’s late) right now to capture this in the essence that I’d like, but they have literally made me do a 360.  Sounds so cliche maybe but I am learning that I can do things.  It’s so simple but not.  It’s so difficult but not.  I. can. do. things. Like be a little bit selfless, but not so much so that it is damaging to my family.  Like take care of myself.  That one is the clincher.  I need to take care of myself more than ever, because I want to be able to run around the yard and the park, playing chase, playing tag, running after pseudo-animals Cade has created in some crazy toddler game.  I want to model healthy behaviours, habits, and lifestyle to Cade and our future children, so that they can adopt these practices and ways of living into their life, and then pass it on to their little ones, our future grandchildren, that is if they choose to have children (please!  I can’t wait to be a grandma ;).

I have never eaten so healthy in my life.  I have never done so many ‘green’ things in my life.  I have never cared SO much about my health, ever.  Health is so holistic, and too often when we think healthy, we think eating and exercising right but it is SO much more than that.  That is a small tiny fraction of the whole deal, and while it’s important, it is not the be all end all.  Emotional connectedness rings so true with diet + exercise.  Look at the whole issue of overeating and eating disorders and stress and what have you.  Now tie that to issues with weight, be they being “too thin” or “too heavy” (yes, I know, according to what standards, that’s another issue for another day though).  Emotions and eating are one and the same for a lot of people.  How many people eat when they’re happy?  Sad?  Excited?  Proud?  Angry?  Hurt?  Anxious?  I know I’ve certainly got an issue with food and I am pinpointing it by the DAY, analyzing when I eat and how I eat.  I don’t obsess over it but I have certainly noticed patterns, and they often aren’t healthy.  I have begun to change these patterns, and I have abolished eating at night, almost completely, unless I’m really ravished and I can grab something healthy.  I am trying to stop rewarding myself with food, because this is such a temporary fix, and I have seen how damaging eating for social reasons is and can be.  I still do it though.  I still eat socially.  It’s like someone who has issues with alcohol, my issues with food are similar.  I don’t want to down play someone’s issues with alcoholism at all and that’s not what I am trying to do, but I think food addiction is real, very real, and takes some serious acknowledgement and inner healing work to combat.  Honestly, having a year off of work to stay home and learn about my son, get to know him, has helped me to get to know myself better too, because the person I am projecting to him, the person I am to him is the person that I AM, plain and simple.  Who do I want him to know as a mother?

I have had a year to get to know myself better, and to work on things that were not jiving with my life.  Taking up running was one huge step in the right direction, and it completely helped me to begin to tackle these weird eating habits of mine.  Begin to tackle, being the key words there.  It is an ongoing process for me, and I think it will be, always.  It takes much serious dedication and empowerment.  While diet + exercise are not the be all end all as I touched on before, they do go hand in hand for me.  One motivates the other, and for me, that works.  They also motivate every other aspect of health that I need to focus on too, and they all go together like a nice and neat puzzle.  It just fits together, so, so perfectly.  When I’m running, and taking care of THAT part of my body and my mind, I need to put the appropriate fuel and energy into my body, or I will crash, and crashing never got anyone good did it?

I am not perfect and I do not make perfect choices.  My choices are sometimes motivated by something that isn’t healthy or wholesome for me.  Will I go ahead and have that social drink, those few social wings, just because I want to and it’s fun to sit around and reminisce over a couple cold ones and some sticky appetizers?  You bet I will.  You can also bet I won’t do that everyday, and you can also bet that I will be putting ten times as much good stuff into my body, not to make up for that, but because it’s what I need, it’s what I crave.  Likewise, there will also be days where I sit on the couch and decide not to run, because my body and my soul and my heart are craving a break, some downtime, and I need to feed my body what it is feeding me.  It is a two-way street, and because it is giving me, allowing me, the time to reflect and to have some quiet, down-time, I feel that I need to respect that, and listen to what my body is telling me I need.

And on that note, my body is severely screaming and yelling and fighting me right now for sleep.  It has been since I opened up WordPress to type this here ditty to y’all.  I made an imperfect choice and ignored that need, and now it’s time to give in.

So tell me dear friends, dear readers, what positive and healthful changes have you made in your life recently?  What inspired them? 

September 7, 2011 at 11:43 pm 4 comments

C25K: Week 4 Day 3

Oh god, alright, okay, let me compose myself.  Can I just say something about week 4?  IT WAS BRUTAL!  I don’t know why, but I can venture a couple guesses: 1) the heat 2) the running distances were stepped RIGHT up coupled with a LOT less walking.

Week 4 was the first week the negative voices tried to take over and knock me down, but I knocked them down instead.  They tried to tell me that I couldn’t do it, and that I should stop and just walk because I’m barely running anyway.  They also yelled at me and said that I suck and I was going too slow.   Seems I’m always having to talk out loud to myself to shut them up, because sometimes they can get very loud and VERY overpowering, and I don’t want none of that in my run, let alone my life.  So, I shut them up and shut them down baby.

Still, week 4 kicked my ass a little bit more than I kicked its ass, but I still finished it, and I didn’t stop once.  That is my golden rule, NO STOPPING unless I am honest to goodness on the verge of death.  And while I have tried to convince myself that if I didn’t stop, I would likely die, I genuinely have NOT felt like I was going to keel over, and so, I’ve had no reason to stop.

I was feeling a bit down in the dumps once again today because it was just SO hard, but it was hot and I was warm and sweaty and and it was early in the morning.  However, the early in the morning thing worked to my advantage for sure.  However, when I got back and mapped out my distance, it was 3.7km as opposed to 3.86km on Tuesday night.  But my run today was 4 minutes less than Tuesday’s, so I suppose .1km could be achieved in 4 minutes, yes?  Seems I’m consistently running the same distance.  And while I KNOW it’s about the journey and NOT the silly destination, I want to see those numbers a-rising, but I am really pushing myself to the very extent of my abilities, I do believe.  I’m going to just have to keep on pushin’ and do what I can do.  I’m likely going to do the program again, actually, I AM going to do the program again, right after I finish week 9 day 3, so then I can focus on increasing speed and distance.  Right now, I’m learning to breathe, run, and trust myself, because trusting myself is the hardest part of it all.

June 30, 2011 at 10:32 am 5 comments

C25K: Week 4 Day 1

Week 4 Day 1, down the ol’ hatch.  Today was interesting and awesome.   Awesome because it was in the rain, and because I did it.  Interesting because Lily and I nearly got hit by a car.  IN A CROSSWALK.  Not even exaggerating, we stopped, the car was stopped, looking our way, so I thought she saw us.  We went, and well, so did she, until I screamed “WHOA” and she stopped, looked shocked, but was also kind of chuckling with her passenger?  WTF?  I looked down at Lily to make sure she was okay, because the front of the car was nearly over top of her, but of course, the tires weren’t.  She was fine, I was fine, so I put on my bestest mean girl glare and stared her down and shook my head a million times.  Super scary, super gave me a jolt to the system, and totally slowed down my first run.  I had a bunch of negative adrenaline and I was shooken up, but away we went, running down the street, wondering about what the F could have happened had she just kept going.  I’m sure I would’ve been fine, however my little poochy, not so sure.  And thank goodness I didn’t have the boy with me, or I would’ve went all ragey on their car.

So W4D1 was a definite success.  I am even trying to run properly, as per this video:

I want to avoid injury as best as possible, however today when I got home and took my shoes off, I was stretching out my feet and circling my ankles when I felt a dull, almost pulled-muscle like sensation in my upper right ankle, on inside of my foot/leg.  Ack.  I immediately followed the ‘RICE’ (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) method of injury treatment, minus the compression part, which I will likely do soon.  I want to be on my game and take care of any sort of injury no matter how minor.  I don’t want to have to be set back at all, though I don’t want to push myself beyond any injuries, because I need to take care of myself first and foremost.  I don’t do my next run until Tuesday, so I should have sufficient time to rest and baby my foot.

I’ve already been scoping out other training programs and things that I want to be a part of, and I’ve found something for next spring that I am already stoked about.  It’s a women’s only triathlon training program, and registration begins in February.   The training is 10 weeks, 3 times a week, with one day each devoted to running, swimming and cycling.  Sounds super sweet as far as I’m concerned, and I am hoping, that if all goes according to my plan and my personal goals, I will be conditioned and feeling confident to take the program.  Though honestly, if it was offered right now, I feel like I’d have it in me (esteem-wise) to take this challenge on.  Let me know if this is something that interests you and we can join together.  I’ve heard registration fills up fast, and I don’t believe registration is until February 2012, so we’ve got some time yet.

In terms of my ‘stats’, today my distance was about 1km more than it usually is, so hooray for that.  I mapped out my route today and it was 3.86 km.  So sweet, totally boosted me up.  I haven’t seen any drastic weight loss, but I feel different, so I suppose that’s what counts.  Scales are insane anyway.  My weight fluctuates up to 8 pounds in a day, so I never quite know when to weigh myself, or if I should just go with the lowest weight out of every day.  The second week, I had gained almost 2 lbs.  The next week, I was 2.6 lbs lighter, and this week, I am about the same.  Though yesterday, if I would’ve went with the first weigh-in from the morning, I would’ve been down another 2 lbs.  Saturday is our treat day, and I think it is unkind to my Sunday weigh-ins, because I certainly woke up feeling bloated and gross.  Oh boy.

My measurements are more encouraging, though we (Kyle helps me) started out a new system of measuring today, based on a YouTube video which shows how to properly take body measurements:

However, at the beginning of weeks 1, 2, 3, and 4, we measured myself the exact same ways each weeks, so we’ll go with those and then starting from this week on, we will be doing the new and proper measurements.  From the beginning of my C25K training up until today, prior to starting week 4, stats are:

Biceps: L -.25 inches R -.25 inches

Bust: -1.5 inches

Waist: -1.75 inches

Hips: -1 inch

Thighs: L 0 inches R +.5 inches

Calves: L 0 inches R -.5 inches

Total: 4.75 inches lost

I’m always doubting when there’s a loss, which I know is really terrible.  I always think, did we measure something wrong?  Can’t be a loss of one inch, or whatever it is, but I guess it is true.  The only thing that I can think explains a minimal loss of weight but a loss of inches, is the whole muscle thing.  My body is getting stronger, because I can feel it getting stronger, it’s just so gradual that it is hard to believe.  I’m a huge advocate for doing measurements, because scales can be nasty.  I do love having a scale and I will always weigh myself, I’m sure of it, but measurements are, in a general sense, more accurate.  And if you’re like me, and like to have something tangible to work with in terms of seeing progress, measure, measure, measure!  Scales can make you feel discouraged, but measurements, even if it is small, seem to be more consistent.

Can I just say one thing?  When I was running, Limp Bizkit’s ‘Break Stuff’ came on one of the pre-made podcasts I use.  Can I say one more thing?  It put a total genuine smile on my face and made me want to run to my heart’s content.  So bizarre.  So lame.  <3 Limp Bizkit running tunes.  It worked for me, it can work for you!

How are you all doing with your runs?  Run (ugh, so sorry for that super lame pun) into any issues?  In terms of me getting side stitches/cramps (which all of you were just throwing ideas at me in terms of how to combat them, except for the fact that you weren’t!) someone on a Facebook community I belong to suggested blowing out as if blowing out candles, and I tried that today and it seemed to improve my cramps.  Hurrah!  Progress is amazing.  Bring on day 2.

June 26, 2011 at 3:46 pm 3 comments

C25K: Week 1 Day 3

I did it.  I finished week 1 of the C25K program!  And guess what?  Today was still very hard and at the end of the jogging 60 second mark, I was so ready for my cue to do my recovery walk.  I’ve been trying to determine what this means for my body in terms of doing this program.  Does it mean I should repeat week 1?  Was I just having an off day because my sleep has been on the not so great end of things lately?  Or have I just become accustomed to jogging for 60 seconds and then stopping – and perhaps this means I should take on week 2 so I can effectively challenge and push myself harder?

Since I’ve established a good routine for myself (Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays = C25K) I have a couple days to decide what I want to do.  Two definite positives I have noticed which make me more inclined to just push on and see where I end up are, 1) I can breathe better!  Both while running and just chillin’ out in the comforts of my own home.  My lungs feel clearer and my breathing not as shallow.  I wasn’t aware that these sorts of lung capacity achievements could happen so fast, but they are.  Don’t get me wrong, I still probably couldn’t manage to chat while I’m running, but I’m getting there; 2) The soreness has reduced tenfold!  Oh happy day.  Granted, I had an epsom salt bath the other night, which I think helped greatly, I no longer feel like death ran me over when I get home from the run.

My food choices are still in line with my exercising, and that’s great.  For me, they go hand in hand, but moreso, if I’m exercising properly, I’m bound to eat way better.  The least healthy thing I have had was a homemade peanut curry sauce with basmati rice, chicken and vegetables.  The stirfry itself wasn’t all that bad as it was chalkful of vegetables, but the sauce… oh, the sauce.  However, we used real curry paste and light coconut milk as well as light peanut better, so I’m going to out on a whim and say, maybe it wasn’t that bad?  But oh, so, so… good.  I am learning to treat my body with respect, and with pride.  I want to put good things into it, and I want to keep it hydrated, which I have been doing like crazy.  When I put good things into my body, my mind soaks up the goodness too, and then I’m good to go and feel energized and happy.  Something really challenging for me is summertime and resisting the ice cream temptations.  You could say I’m a pretty big fan of ice cream.  And when there’s a few ice cream places within several blocks, it creates a bit of a problem.  Not to mention that new Cold Stone Creamery that opened up downtown.  Thankfully it’s expensive, so that’s one more reason to avoid it.

I told myself that I can only weigh myself once a week, every Sunday, however, sometimes that scale just sitting there.. looking so lonely… well, you know how it goes.  So I step on and am immediately disappointed.  (Usually.)  I don’t expect a dramatic loss, but I also don’t expect to weigh 3 lbs more than the previous day.  (Do I sound psychotic yet?  Weighing myself daily?  SUPER BAD HABIT!)  I think that my weight is always just constantly fluctuating, and I’ve been told by many people to go by how your body feels, how your clothes fit.  So I try to that.  And I also try to smile and nod and agree when they say that muscle weighs more than fat, and I could just be putting on muscle.  But please, can you give your head a shake?  This ain’t all muscle, baby.  I think I’m pretty strong, and I’m a big-boned kinda gal, but please can we just drop some of the pound baggage already?  Cripes.

So, reflections on week 1.  Loved it.  I am SO proud of myself and feel all teary knowing I can do this.  If I can do week 1, I can do week 2… eventually, whether it’s this week or next.  I can do this.  And just because the program is 9 weeks, I need to listen to my body and my heart and go at my own pace.  I need to remember to breathe deeply, focus on my chest rising, my lungs filling with that sweet, sweet morning summer air.  I have to continue to push myself, be strong, and keep going forward forward forward.  Pick up my feet, lift my head, put a silly smile on my face when strides get hard.

And because I thought I did this but I haven’t, I need to do a nice big shout out to Amy @ JustWestofCrunchy for taking on the program herself, blogging about it, and encouraging her readers to do the same.  She has truly inspired me to tackle my fear.

June 9, 2011 at 11:54 am 2 comments

C25K: The Night Before

I am pretty stoked to be starting the C25K challenge tomorrow… morning, likely.  Stoked and nervous, but I am trying to let the stoked override the nervous, because the biggest factor in doing this is having to believe in myself, which, when the self-esteem just ain’t as high as it should be, the believing in myself part doesn’t come as naturally as it should, either.  I’m hoping to change that, and since I know only I can change it, I need to take the appropriate steps to do so.

Kyle has continuously reassured me that I can do this and my body is capable of so much more than I think it is, and that’s definitely a comforting thought.  That is the kind of support I need right now.   The main reason I am blogging about it is because I am hoping it will keep me accountable.  I know basically how many people read this, and so I feel like I can’t let y’all down, but most of all, I can’t let myself down.  If I go on and on about this, and then don’t do it, I will feel like a loser.  Like a failure.  And then I will feel let down, and I can’t let that happen.

I jogged in place tonight in our living room for ONE WHOLE MINUTE.  Go me.  It’s a start, and I can’t forget that.  The one thing I am going to have to remind myself is to pace myself, and not get caught up in having to go super fast, because that won’t be possible, unless I want to collapse, which I would like to avoid at all costs.  I am wondering if I will have to repeat week 1, or any of the other weeks, but I will take it day by day.  My plan is to do strength training on the off days, so that I am exercising every single day.  And, of course, continue with our daily walks, because those are truly wonderful.

I saw this post on Facebook, which is very inspiring and motivating.  It’s neat how she connects breastfeeding and running.  It’s refreshing to read, and it gives me the morale boost that I am needing right now.  I am HOPING to have that natural ‘runner’s high’ that you hear about.  I think if I can get that, I’ll be good to go.  Even if I can’t get that, I know I can do this.  It might take me longer than 9 weeks, it might take me 9 weeks, who knows.

Be prepared for me to do at LEAST weekly check-ins.  I’m planning on taking a picture of myself before I go, and then maybe weekly, or at least every couple of weeks, as well as a weekly weigh-in.  However, that information will not be shared.  I’m not that brave… yet.  And once again, you should join in the fun, and let me know if you’re doing so.  We’ll be a nice community of people learning to jog and feel good about ourselves.  Doesn’t that sound all nice and fuzzy?  Don’t know ’bout you, but I’m a fan of fuzzy.   Happy jogging y’all!

June 4, 2011 at 10:30 pm 4 comments

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