Posts tagged ‘parenthood’

Photo a Day May: Love – 15.

Today felt long and I am feeling spent and burnt.  Unfortunately capturing a photo of love may not have been at the forefront of my memory today. Fortunately it was the love of a little boy that helped guide me through the trickier moments.  It comes with the territory of being a parent, I think.  How can I be sad when my boy is looking at me with such concern, such empathy, and such… love?  Those eyes. Those words. Oh he was saying the most beautiful things and I could not help but to cradle him close.  Wowwee is he ever empathetic and caring. I mean, I knew that already, but you know.

So love.

It means so much and I am far too tired and in need of chill that I cannot expand the way I want to.  Do we all need a bit more of it in our lives? Um heck yeah.  It surely would not do any harm. But then why do we resist it, I will never know.

In case I need to further explain the photos, love to me is the cornerstone of exploration, trust and community.  Can I really stand on this toy case, and trust myself to do it? Why yes I can. I am safe and I have got this.  Love and let go, love and let go.  But its not what it sounds.  By letting go we love harder and deeper.  Oh so deeper.

And can I just say one thing? In regards to love? My son has helped me reach for it, seek it out, and express it more.  He has helped me to love and to know what that means.  Gosh.  What a gift.  He has taught me the importance of supports and community.  In parenting. In loving. In life, in anything really. We need each other and we need ourselves. And oh gee how I am so grateful to have a great lot of you.
It takes a darn village.

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May 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm Leave a comment

Heal the soul, Feed the heart.

I am so sick and tired about blogging how I never blog.  I am sick of starting posts with “I’m back” or “so I took an unintentional break.”  It’s all the same junk, all the time.  I take breaks, they are unintentional.  I have mini-meltdowns, I forget about my blog, I get up on the uppity and sail through my life without so much as a thought about my main writing outlet.  How dare I ignore myself, because this blog really is just an extension of that?  I prevent myself from writing about anything substantial, aside from the fact that when I am gone that is substantial but most definitely not the most substantial moment that has occurred since the last time I wrote.  SIGH DOUBLE SIGH.

I am not sure if I have made a promise before, to myself and to my blog.  Probably?  Kinda feel like I’ve been there done that with every sort of “I VOW TO BLOG ALL THE TIME EVERY TIME” deal, but please don’t judge as I am about to make it again.

Aside from my mini-explanation two days ago, I haven’t blogged in nearly three months.  That is an eternity.  Imagine something you thoroughly enjoy, now axe it out of your life for three months and imagine the sorrow.  My heart is filled with it, and then part of my heart gets mad because I am the only one that can change that and I haven’t done that.

I feel like I am at a very transitional point in my life, and in all honesty, I think I always will be.  As human beings, I think we always are, because we always are growing and changing, even if we feel we are pretty stagnant.   The last five months have been an incredible adjustment, and they totally still are, and I am still adapting.  I think C is too, though seriously, I feel like he is just going with the flow and is mostly loving it.  The boy loves daycare.  He loves his friends.  He loves his daycare provider.  That really just tickles me pink, it truly does.  Mainly, I am happy he is happy.   Daycare is not a choice for us but a necessity, at this point in our lives anyway.  If we had a choice, we wouldn’t be utilizing it, or at least not on a full-time basis, I already know this much is true.  I am pretty certain I would be much happier, more fulfilled and satisfied, if I was a mama who did not work out of the home or at least not on a full-time basis.  It feels awful to write such a sentiment, but it is what I believe.  The tricky part of this is, because it is not really an option right now, is navigating it so I still feel thoroughly fulfilled, and that I am providing my family and myself with the very best me possible.  That part, I haven’t yet figured out.  What I do know, is my boy is growing way fast, and I know that part of what I need to do is to let go of my hangups around what I can’t have, and focus on trying to enjoy what I do have.  It’s the quality now, not the quantity.  Wise words from some wise women.

Back in January (!!!) I talked about the growth I have been encountering, the changes I have been making, and while they are mostly the same, there’s even more to add to it, and that warms my heart deeply.  I’m still on my handmade gift only path, and we’re heading into the middle of April.  It’s so fun, so satisfying, and it really nurtures and helps to fulfill my creative soul.  I have sewn turtles and flax magic bags, made no-sew fleece blankets, made miniature taggy blankets, along with various other goodies.  I am learning skills left right and centre and I absolutely love it.  I’ve got to gather up some more tricks for my bag of crafts, because I’m needing a dose of fresh crafty ideas in my life, but for now this is good.

Another huge development in my life is that I registered for the Doula Training course that is offered here.  I am beyond thrilled for this new step in my life and I have this feeling, I just know, that this is going to be a good thing.  I questioned myself slightly before I registered, mainly because I had to drop a bit of cash in order to take the course, but I know deep, deep down that I am meant to do this.  It is my passion through and through, for various reasons.  I thought I’d get the birth high, then it would dwindle, but oh no, ohhh noo it’s still there, stronger than ever.  I am not obsessed, I am passionate.  The gig starts April 26, and is ten weeks long, one night a week.  I imagine I will branch out in the blog-world to have a doula biz site up, but that’s for another day.

As of Saturday morning, I have temporarily deactivated my Facebook account.  It was a decision that I had to do.  The clincher for me, was the struggle I actually had with clicking ‘Deactivate.’  I couldn’t do it, well I mean – I obviously did, but I hummed and ha’ed for quite some time, days, before I went ahead and did it.  That experience alone reinforced to me that I was far too addicted to it.  It had taken a hold of my life, and gripped it with all of its psychotic Facebook intensity.  SO not cool.  The whole smart phone phenomenon made it even worse.  Honestly?  Do I need to check my Facebook ALL the time? Just ‘to check’?  Highly unlikely.  But even more than that, was the psychopathic tendencies of Facebook, that is, if Facebook was a person.  Stalkerish, right?  Creepy.  And I was a part of the game.  I couldn’t let go of certain Friends on my Friends list, because the fun would end.  And by fun I mean, the ability for me to poke my head in on their virtual life at any given time.  I get that we are in the 21st century and social networking is the way of the future, but when does it become social psychopathic tendencies and not social networking anymore?  Hmm.  The privacy settings are shady at best, and I just needed a break..  It is not okay when I feel my blood pressure rise, my cheeks become rosy, at the sight of some ridiculous, attention-seeking status update by someone I really don’t even care about. That is not okay.  Sure, there are plenty of things I like about Facebook.  I like the support that some of the communities provide, the ability to see photographs of family and friends in faraway lands, but for now, for me, there are other ways to have these needs met.  And quite honestly, I’d like to spend a little bit more time talking to the people I care about instead of creeping on some jerk-face who I really don’t.

I am no longer seeing the counsellor I mentioned in my second last post.  Not because of anything more than we  really weren’t getting anywhere that significant.  It was alright, and she helped to somewhat shed light on a few issues I was struggling with, but it was not entirely what I needed.  In hindsight, I am not even sure know what I need.  We’re at that point, and I know it’s not a great point to be at, but it’s a starting point, and I know I am here, so I’ll roll with it.  And it’s nothing against psychologists, but that is not exactly what I am needing right now, I don’t believe.  So tomorrow the journey continues, and I will meet with a homeopathic doctor/social worker/counsellor in one.  She comes HIGHLY recommended and so I am quite anxious to have this experience.  I’ve got a couple of things I want to address, and I am also anticipating that she will guide the session and we will do some exploring.

As for my running shoes, they haven’t been laced up in way too long.  March came and went, and that is the hardest month of every year for me.  The winters are too long, and the spring lingers.  I love the first days of spring, but then let’s get this show on the road.  I am tired of cold mornings, and my cold appendages itch for warm skin.  The plan is to get out there and get running, again, because last summer when I learned that running was a total outlet for me, was one of the best summers ever, and I need that injection of wholeness, of light, and of endorphins, in my life, on a constant basis.  The issue right now is that I am feeling really unable to battle the brisk mornings, and so I’m anxiously awaiting the warm ones.  In time?

And without turning to ‘external’ sources of healing, I am mostly feeling very blessed, very privileged, to have this here family that I do.  My son provides me with an insane amount of beauty, life, and love, and I don’t even know how to say it properly.  He basically just blows my mind, over, and over, and over again.  Every little word he says, every thing he does.  He is the most beautiful soul, the most beautiful creature, the most beautiful beauty.  Yeesh.  so.much.love.  And thee baby-daddy, well aye, I get hung up on things, on complains, on this and that, but gosh darn, I am lucky.  Who ever thought I would be living in my small-but-its-cozy house, with a 17 month old, a 3 year old poochy, and a partner?  I am not sure I ever did, but oh boy, am I sure glad I do.

Happy Monday, friends, dream sweetly & sleep tightly.

April 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm 6 comments

I’m back, I’m back, I’m back.

Soooooo, I’ve sort of been MIA.  I wish I could say I was soul searching and hugging my babies 24/7, but unfortunately it’s just because I have been downright tired and downright busy.  I am having a bit of a, err, time… if you will, with this back to work transition.  It’s taking its toll on me, and while I am happy to say that we are in a pretty good routine, it’s because we have to go.  Plain and simple.  If we weren’t, we would all be unravelling and it just would not be pretty.  So, routine it is and routine it has to be.  The bonus is that my boy is doing swimmingly well at daycare.  He’s a rockstar, he really is.  He makes me proud and me makes my heart beam EVERY SINGLE DAY.  What a little monkey.  Who ever thought humans could love other humans that much?  I mean, c’mon now, we all know that humans, most of the time, are kind of… ridiculous?  Annoying?  Idiotic?  Crappy?  You pick your choice word.  But nope.  Not this human, and not this love.  This is inTENSE.

Do you even know how many times I have said “I should blog about this” in the past month?  Too many, actually.  I’m sort of a dork like that.  I have been called dork, geek, nerd, what have you.  Out loud.  By more than one person.  So I just go with it, because really, that is what I am and I am alright with that.  In my books, when you call me that, you are calling me awesome, so thank you!

(By the way, this post is bound to be a bit of a wild card.  Roll with it.)

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So in the last month that I was away, while I said that I am not doing any soul searching, that is not entirely true.  I am always soul searching, and while I have a lot less time for that now (so it seems), it is all that much more important for me to do a lot of soul searching.   You see… I had a rebirth when the boy entered our lives.  Obviously I guess, right?  I think it is sort of an unspoken right but maybe not.  Anyway, I had a major one.  Huge.  Life changing, perspective shifting, all that awesome stuff.  I sort of kind of felt like I was hitting the tip of the iceberg on that journey and then blammo, thrown back into my place of employment.  It was hard.  It still is, and it might always will be.  No jonesin’ here. SO, in terms of that, because I am not living my life in a sort of free for all sense anymore, I need to be looking inward in order to look outward.  That really truly is another post for another day, but in my soul searching I have done numerous things.  Regarding self-care, it has always been really important for me to take care of every single aspect of me.  Physical, creative/spiritual, social, emotional, mental… what have you.  So as you can see above, I have learned to knit.  Oh yes I have, and what you are seeing above is my first completed project, a super spunky rainbow dishcloth to bring some much needed light to the dismal task of scrubbing crumbed up, filthy dishes.   I am also working on a scarf for myself.  In fact, I made quite a bit of progress, and then tore it all off because it was way too wide and I was not happy with it.  So back at square one we are.

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Also in terms of the creative spiritual stuff, I whipped up a bath of a post-partum herbal bath (first photo) for some dear friends who are bringing life to Earth within the next couple of days to the next couple of months.  I borrowed the recipe from this post about ‘Mother Roasting’ and it smells absolutely glorious.  I am going to package it up all prettily and give with grace.  Alongside that, I also made Mother’s Milk Tea, using a recipe from the Passionate Homemaking blog.   The benefits of the herbs in the tea are listed on the site.  I haven’t tasted it yet but I figure I probably should before I’m gifting it to others.

These projects are the beginning of one of my goals, or should I just say intentions, of 2012, which is to give homemade gifts… only.  It sounds doable but it also does sound very laborious.  It is fulfilling for me to give gifts in the first place, but it does a little something special for my heart and for my soul to give a gift that I created, so let’s hope this bandwagon keeps on chuggin’.

In terms of physical care, I have been really focusing and working on going to the gym in the mornings before work.  It does mean that I have to get up at around 5:15am to be there for 5:30, but it feels oh so very good once I am there, and even better once I am leaving there, sweaty brow and all.  6:30am and my workout is done for the day?  Day-um.  It’s hard, it really is, but not as hard as I thought it would be.  I am pretty sure I got some indirect messages that I wouldn’t be able to do it, so a slight part of the awesomeness is pride and being able to say, oh shit yeah I’m doing it.  Keeping active has always been really important to me, and so I could not jeopardize that aspect upon going back to work.  And there is no way that once I get home, bundled up, cozied up with my fam-jam, that I would be heading out to the gym to get some sweating in.  Nope.  Not happening.

Also somewhat in line with the spiritual piece, but moreso with the mental/emotional piece, is that I have sought out some counselling for myself.  Finally.  I have met with her three times so far, and it’s been alright.  She has helped me to gain some perspective on certain aspects of my life and relationships with people, and my different roles that I have taken on.  What really prompted this was going back to work and how difficult it really was and is.  I knew that I had to do something else to take care of myself, and so I reached out in this regard.  I am not sure how long I will see her or where it will go, but I only know that it is a start.  I yearn for a connection, and the age old ‘when the student is ready the teacher will come’ I guess kind of stands, and does relate.  It feels really good to lay it all out there, because I have spent the majority of my life being the one that people dump their stuff onto.  And that’s okay!  But it’s really hard not to get caught up in that.  And it’s even harder to sort of forget about yourself in that process.  Losing myself is not where I want to be.

Socially, I think sort of speaks for itself.  In this little rebirth thingy I’ve got going on, I have come to recognize the people that I genuinely need to have close by, within reach.  I need my solid supports like anybody else, but I have never felt such a strong pull towards people that I consider close to me.  You really get to know people on a different level at certain times of your life, and I truly feel blessed to have the people in my life that I do.  I think they’re all there for some reason or another, whether it’s cosmic or whether it is simply a good ol’ friendly relationship with somebody that means the world to me.  But there are people that we cross paths with in school, or in jobs, or wherever.  A lot of them come and go, but there’s those special ones.  Those special ones, who years later, are there more than they have ever been.  Those special ones shine.  Those special ones really make me wonder how after only working together sporadically for a couple months, eight years later, she’s still there.   Hold them close, people.  They’re few and far between.

Also related to pretty much every aspect of myself (and I’ve likely blogged about this too many times) is the fact that I want to and need to continue doing this regularly.  I feel good when I write.  I feel good when I share with others and engage in dialogue, and so I need to, need to, need to keep this up.  It is an outlet for me, and while I do feel censored (I hate that I do, but bottomline, I don’t tell everyone everything, and while there are things I would love to write about and have some of you read, honestly, I am not so sure how I feel about all of the world reading it.  No harsh feelings, just how it is) I do feel excited by the idea of sharing things and connecting.

So with that, I am going to more efficiently glue myself to this here couch, and zone out for a couple hours before bed.  Netflix, anyone?

January 11, 2012 at 7:18 pm 7 comments

The First Year.

 

It’s not even that I have been procrastinating, I just haven’t really had time.  The start of the first year, our lives changed dramatically, and the same goes for the start of the second year.  What a whirlwind.  I got to a point tonight where I started to feel severely overwhelmed.  I can keep my shit together, for the most part.  We’re nearing the end of back to work week 3, and it is sort of sinking in that, yup, this is how it will be for the next little while.  It is hard and draining and emotionally overwhelming.  Being AT work itself is not horrible.  My office has a window and that helps exponentially.  I think about my my boy, my love, and my pooch constantly, but the work itself?  Fine.  I am not knee deep in it yet though.  Maybe ask me in a month?

The after work part is the hardest.  At about 3pm I start to feel completely tapped out and drained.  So by the time we pick up the boy from daycare (which is going swimmingly!) and then get home, unload, put away stuff from the day, I am spent.  And that’s before supper.  I’m trying to go to bed at a decent hour, and I have to, because as of 3 days ago I made a decision to start waking up at 5am so I can be at the gym for 5:30.   But I’m still absolutely drained of energy by the end of the day.  The thought of cleaning, the thought of doing dishes, the thought of any extra responsibility tires me.  I know it will take getting used to and I am really trying to be positive.  It’s just hard.  The year I had with my boy is the year I got used to, and now it has changed again.  The post-partum adjustment period was crazy.  I remember March being a rough month.  In hindsight, it was pretty bad.   I was in a bad place and didn’t bother to seek out support aside from my immediate peeps.  Not good.  So my point, is that it took me awhile.  I thought I was awesome with change but apparently it takes me a little bit.  The only thing I can think to do, is to remind myself that this is okay.  It’s okay if I need time.

The issue I am struggling with the most is that the bulk of my energy is going to work.  I don’t think this is a bad thing, obviously.  I like my work, I enjoy what I do, and I’m passionate about it.  I put in my all when I am at work, but I have made a promise to myself that I am not carrying it home with me.  I cannot do that.  It would not be fair to me, but mostly, it would not be fair to my family.  I already am struggling with the fact that at the end of the day, when I’m spent, my fuse is shortened, my patience thinner.  I am not being the best mother that I can be.   I am not being the best partner I can be.  I am probably not being the best friend I can be either.  I know what my potential is (sorta – sometimes my modesty gets in the way) and it saddens me that I am not living up to it.  I don’t think my standards are high, it is simply a matter of routine, and getting into it.  Figuring out how to jive with this new life thing.

So technically that is part of the second year and since this is supposed to be a reflection… onward!

My first year of motherhood, eh?  I don’t even really feel like I can completely capture it appropriately with words, but I’m going to give it a shot.

For starters, the moment I birthed my boy, my life was forever transformed.  And at that point, I didn’t even realize how much that statement was going to be truer than true.  From the getgo, I fell immediately in love with this most precious little being.  (We officially 100% completely bonded on all applicable levels, not immediately, not even the next day, but I remember the moment I thought oh THIS is bonding, I thought that I was bonded before but no, THIS is it.  Before?  That was survival).  My body, our bodies, created life.  This simple fact blows my mind to this very day.  It’s not even unnatural, obviously, it’s happening by the second, worldwide.  But it’s beautiful and unreal.  It is captivating.

We began to embark on a journey of sorts.  It started out rocky.  We still hit rocky patches.  But mostly, it’s smooth.  And journeys are sort of boring when they become too consistent, right?   I am grateful and overjoyed that my boy keeps me on my toes, every second of every minute of every hour of every day.  I am not even exaggerating.  He is a busy, busy little soul, and an explorer at heart.  I am so excited to watch where his soul, his explorer capabilities take him.   Every day he makes me smile, every day he makes me laugh.  What gets me through every single work day, is knowing that at the end of it, I get to run up to the door (sometimes if I’m nice I let Kyle go), open the door handle, and see the most beautiful little face, waiting for me, reaching for me.  It warms my heart.  Honestly, sometimes so much I fear the risk of overheating.

It blows my mind the amount of stuff children learn and do in the first year of their life.  That is IN-TENSE.  Smile. Laugh. Roll over. Hold things. Sit up. Crawl. Stand up. Walk (sometimes).  Play.  Learn.  Talk.  Eat.  Drink.  Develop the strongest relationship with his pup.  ;)  The other day I was asking my little angel to give his mama a kiss, and he, without breaking his look away from the passerbys in the grocery store of course, opened up his mouth, leaned in to me, and planted the sloppiest wettest most awesome kiss ever.   It fascinates me (but not really, because I already know that children are obviously so smart, they are human friggin’ beings!) that he knows how to do this, and just picked up on it like so.   And that is only one example.  Kid blows my mind.

And as for my own personal journey from being a woman, to being a woman with a child, a mother, this little boy has changed me in ways that even I will not be able to pinpoint.  All I know is, I feel in some ways like a completely different woman, but in some (a lot) of ways, exactly the same.  There are things I get now, that I had no concept of before, mostly because I didn’t feel the need to have a concept of.  There are things I am passionate about now that were over my head before.  My ability to be assertive has increased tenfold, and along with that, I have softened up by even more.  Everything is touching, everything is special and sentimental.  A friend said to me, it’s because we have given birth, and so we feel like we have given birth to everything, and I couldn’t have said it better.  I feel like I am on a path that I was not on before.  I have hopes and dreams and passions that I want to fulfill.  The concept of health means more to me than it ever did.  I really feel like I have never worked this hard to be healthy in my life, aside maybe from when I was pregnant, because I truly felt at my healthiest then.  It is one thing to put healthy, wholesome things in our body, and to regulate how we manage our muscles and our bones.  But this here mind, this here heart, this shit needs to be in tip-top shape.  I have recognized ways in which I am not being the best person I can be.  It’s not even that I have some ridiculously high standards for myself, because I really don’t think I do.  In fact, I think that I am living my life in an even simpler way than before, if that is even possible.

I have never had as little money as I do right now, but I have never felt this happy.  Or this excited about what tomorrow, or next week, or next year, might bring.  I have never felt so connected to a little being before.  I still cannot believe I am a mother and I have a son.  I have never felt this intimate with my spouse.  There’s this super intense level of intimacy, bonding, and energy field that has developed – or maybe not so much developed as expanded – between the two of us, and how we interact with one another, and with other important people in our lives.  I have never had as many ridiculous 3am sleep-deprived arguments in my life, but I have never had as much positive growth and soul-searching either.  My life, our lives, have changed exponentially.  I can’t put it into words but as you can see – if you’ve made it this far – I have tried.  I might have different ways of doing things, or varying ideas and beliefs than before (or perhaps they are simply just interpreted as so or are just being voiced now by the new assertive me ;).  But different does not have to mean bad or negative.  I am not scared of change or growth, and I don’t want you to be either.  Look where it’s got us so far?

November 23, 2011 at 9:45 pm 3 comments

Sweet Lil Dimples Baby Shop.

I have been meaning to do this post/review for MONTHS and I am finally getting around to it.  Go me.
So as you may or may not have figured out by now, we are huge fans of cloth diapers in this household.  Unfortunately, I have not taught myself how to sew yet, and so making my own are sort of out of the question.  And so it is times like these when I am thankful for awesome local folks who do awesome local things.  Which is where Rhonda from Sweet Lil Dimples Baby Shop comes in.   I don’t remember how I heard about the shop, but I think it was via a random online search for cloth diapers Saskatoon, or something of the sort.  Honestly, and this is going to sound really nerdy so brace yourselves… I consider myself to be quite the little sleuth when it comes to finding things online.  Stalkerish, one might even say.  Anyway…

Rhonda is a wealth of information, and so she is the first person I turned to when we started experiencing compression leaks with the boy’s dipes.  Basically, imagine a wet cloth, and then pressure put on the cloth.  What happens?  The water leaks out as a result of the wetness being compressed.  That’s what we started to experience, except it seemed to happen overnight, and constantly.  Rhonda asked me a series of questions to try and best diagnose how we could fix the issue.  She offered to let me be a guinea pig and try out a little concoction of diaper inserts, in exchange for a little review, which I am finally doing.   So before I go into the awesomeness of her shop and all the various items we have purchased, I need to and want to profess my love for these 6r soakers:

Hemp is super absorbent and good for compression leaks, so we went with the Rumparooz 6r hemp soakers/inserts.  Apparently Rumparooz is one of the best and highest tested cloth diapers on the market, and I believe it.  These inserts are golden.   Instead of buying all new diapers, my goal was to try to come up with a system/insert that worked with the diapers we already had.  We use pocket diapers, so it was a matter of finding something that we could stuff into the pocket and that would not be too bulky.  Ah, that was my other issue.  With cloth diapers, fitting certain pants over them can already be somewhat of a challenge, so I wanted to minimize the bulk as much as possible.  And I’m not completely ignorant, I get that a little junk in the trunk just comes with the cloth diapering territory.  And that’s all good, because really?  A cloth bum is flippin’ adorable.

So we took the inserts home, prepped them by washing and drying several times, and got to work on trying them out.  Initially we used the longer insert underneath a regular microfiber insert with a Charlie Banana diaper.  I made sure to always test them when I knew the boy would be in his car seat or sitting on his bum for an adequate amount of time to test for compression.  Success.  In a small dose.  I didn’t want to wait too long, but this proved to be a sufficient combination, so we got to work on the next one.

Since it was mainly with the Charlie Banana diapers that we were having compression leaks (and the CB’s were totally my go-to diaper for a LONG time) that was my main focus, was finding something that worked with them.  I really super appreciate CB’s, the colours, the nice trim fit, and the absorbency, so I didn’t want to ditch them if I didn’t have to.  And we don’t have to!  The next plan of attack was simply doubling up with the CB microfiber inserts, which also worked sufficiently well.  However, I love the hemp.  It’s super absorbent and I feel this odd sense of trust in hemp, so I wanted to get that piece sorted out and have the CB’s with the 6r inserts as one of our go-to diapers when out and about.  Next plan was to use both the 6r inserts, used as the ‘medium doubler’ style, so that there was maximum absorbency in the front where my boy needs it most.  This is by FAR the best combination we have discovered with the 6r inserts, so much so that I went and picked up 2 more.  We have 8 CB diapers in total, and it is always standard that at LEAST 3 of them have the 6r inserts in, or 4 of them have the 6r inserts (2 of them with the full 6r get-up, and 2 with one microfiber, and one 6r hemp, the small or large one).  Praise the 6r inserts because those things WORK.   I would love to try a full-on Rumparooz cover+insert combo, and that just very well might be the next diaper we purchase.   Not to mention, Rumparooz makes a newborn diaper, the Lil’ Joey, that is absolutely ADORABLE and highly effective.   Rhonda is pretty much a goddess for letting me try these out, for teachin’ me the ropes of cloth diapering when my questions became too much for my brain to handle even Googling (and we all know how sleuth-y I am at that).

One more awesome thing about Rhonda (aside from the fact that she donates proceeds to charities, knows a crap load about cloth diapering, and shares the information and products with yours truly) is that she is super accommodating.  It is really helpful, and will be even more so now that I am back at work and cannot just up and go out to Martensville, SK whenever my heart desires.  Love that.  Such a perk.

I had planned to do a little list of all the wonderful products I have purchased from the shop (Kawaii diapers, our new favourite!, laundry soap, wool dryer balls – not purchased by us but by a friend and will be our next purchase, and my most most favourite – cloth menstrual pads!) however it is 9:43PM and for this mama, that is LATE.  Plus, I have some serious Netflix watching to do of the awesomely cheesy, old-school Beverly Hills 90210.  By old-school I do mean old-school.  I’m talking original.  The cheesy “romance” sings with the chimey music that makes me feel awkward as heck.  Gotta love.  Goodnighty night my friends and dear readers.

November 16, 2011 at 9:46 pm Leave a comment

Comfort.

I thought I would pop in on a little break from my identity crisis and say hi.

Not really, I’m totally being really dramatic.  Identity crisis just seems like some fun way of making light of the embarrassing and miniscule issues I’m having with my personal style lately.  First world problem much?  God.  I’m like some kind of bad joke.

Basically, this is what I need to always remember, because in those moments where I’m feeling like garbage, for reasons related to personal goals, successes, and achievements, I have to think of this and get in this mind-set:

stolen from Erin’s Pinterest… again

So, yeah, that’s pretty true, for the most part.

I can think of two things that come to mind immediately.  Parenting and jogging.

Parenting is not always comfortable.  Not financially.  Not socially.  Not physically.  Not emotionally.  But its more MAGICAL than it is UNCOMFORTABLE that is foooooor sure.  And it’s not that it was never not in my comfort zone, but when I was pregnant, I had my doubts oh yes I did.  Turns out, I knew what the heck I was doing… kinda.  There’s just ebbs and flows, like, big time.  But not so much even the comfort stuff, is the magic that comes from parenting.  It’s big-time magic.  Sometimes it’s really hard to see that magic though.  Like when you haven’t slept and it’s 4am and the baby is still screaming.  Or conversely, same situation but the baby is wanting to play and you’re all like SLEEEEEEP. mommy wants some. NOW. NOW NOW NOW.  And maybe your voice isn’t as lovey-dovey and soft as it was earlier that day?   And also, I’m sure there are many magical moments that come along with that whole upcoming phase of toddlerhood.

And running.  Who ever thought I would tackle the physically uncomfortable (at least in the beginning) task of running?  for run.  like, not running away from some scary disastrous moment.  Running as a personal goal.  Running as therapy.  Heck no.  I did not want to be seen running down the street.  That was a major fear of mine, and, something that wasn’t in my comfort zone.  But I did it anyway, and magic happened.  I still swear to this day there were fireworks.  Real ones, not just the ones in my step, or my voice, or my eyes, or my heart, or my head.  I conquered it big time, and I’m still going with it.  I’m still running, not AS regularly as before, and I can tell, because my spirit is going dooooown with every day that passes that I don’t run or exercise.  It is something I need to do.  Is it something I want to do?  Nope.  Not every day.  Especially as this weird autumn winter seasonal thing is creeping up.  Note to self: up the Vitamin D, up up up.  And get my ass off the couch.  Even there – there’s that comfort thing again.  Does it feel good to sit on the couch?  Yup.  Better than it does to get all geared up and run.  But the magic happens when you run, when I run, and the magic happens after I run, too.  That magical shit lasts on and on and on.  It’s something I have to do, I really, really have to.  I can’t say it enough.  It is my therapist.  It is my bag of chips with a cheap-ass little container of dip.  It is my friend and I have to be kinder to it and more giving like it has been to me.

Soooooo my friends.  Get out there and do shit you’re fearful of.  It feels really really freakin’ good.  There’s bumps, sure.  There’s pains, and there’s hurt, and most of all there’s joy and there’s MAGIC.  That is the best part.  And if they had chosen a different phrase than “where the magic happens” or even substituted a different word for “magic”, this little mini flow chart might not be as cool or inspirational.  Magic just has a certain ring to it, and it works for me.

What have you tackled outside of your comfort zone, or what do you plan to take on in future endeavours? 

October 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm 2 comments

Love.

If it’s not a feeling, if it’s not a word, and if it’s not an emotion.

Then, it is this:

Oh and and aaand, of course:

September 18, 2011 at 9:18 pm Leave a comment

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