Posts tagged ‘pregnancy’

A Story of Blessings, a Baby, and Breasts.

 

 

*EDIT: I forgot to add this within the story, and I just want to make a note that I did have blood work done in November when I was first struggling with low supply.  Nothing of concern was noted.  I also had more blood work (hormonal levels and thyroid) checked in March at my annual physical, and again, no concern.  I do realize this does not MEAN there are no physiological reasons, but these were explored and so that is why I am at such a loss!  Thank you for reading – I am overwhelmed with the response to this post, and I feel SO honoured to hear so many stories from amazing mamas.  <3 

When I was pregnant, one of the biggest themes present in my crazy, extremely vivid pregnancy-style dreams was that of breastfeeding.  My baby, in my dreams, was faceless, but beautiful.  I didn’t know if my baby was a boy or girl, because we had decided not to find out, let nature run it’s course, and find out when I gave birth to our child.  In my dreams, it was the same, I didn’t know if it was a boy or if it was a girl, and sometimes, it was a boy, and sometimes, it was a girl.  But for the most part, when I would dream about my baby, my baby was simply that – a baby.  But MY baby, a beautiful tiny little being, full of life, love, and full of dreams.

Just like I was.  I frequently had dreams about my unborn baby, and I would always wake up and tell Kyle what happened that previous night in dreamland.  Most of the time, it was nothing new.  Most of the time, it was simply that I was holding my baby, rocking my baby to sleep, and breastfeeding my baby in my arms.  Simple, right?

Throughout my pregnancy, and for any of you that have been pregnant I’m sure you can relate, one of the hot topics is how you are going to feed your baby, except it is not asked in such a way, it is asked of you if you are going to breastfeed.  It’s just one of those natural things, right?  Right.  I had done a lot of reading about pregnancy, birthing, and breastfeeding (however, not NEAR as much as I do now, the birth junkie that I am) and so I felt like I had a good handle on it.  I was not fearful of the labour or birthing process, in fact, I was looking forward to it.  I was amazed that my body was going to take over, with the aid of my brain and my baby, and we were going to do something miraculous, yet totally normal and happens all the time.

For the 9ish months that I was pregnant, I was waiting for my breasts to change.  I was waiting for them to get ginormous, to say the least, and it never happened.  I knew that this didn’t always happen, but I never really experienced much in the way of breast changes.  The only time I remember any pregnancy symptom that was breast-related, was in the summertime, being in the hot sun and going for dunks in the lake, and having the sorest most tender nipples EVER.  It was uncomfortable but secretly I was cheering inside because I had always wondered up to that point what was up with the lack of boobie changes?  On more than one occasion, did I wonder out loud if I would have issues with not being able to produce milk for my child because my breasts were not showing any evidence of this whole pregnant deal.

Cade was born on November 3 at 8:08pm and as most of you know, it was the most beautiful and transformative experience of my life.  Cade was born and I was born as a mother.  Just like that.  It still blows my mind, really.  He was immediately placed on my chest for me to introduce myself (though he had known me all along) and love all up.  I was in a state of complete bliss, and perhaps a slight amount of shock, but most of all, I was ecstatic and beside myself.  I couldn’t believe it.  “Oh my god, Oh my god!  I can’t believe this!  I can’t believe you are mine!  You are so cute!  Oh my god!  You are so beautiful!  I love you so much!”  I wish, to this day, that the moment that Cade was born was video’d, because it was incredible.  And not only that, but my declaration of love was, am I allowed to do this, flippin’ AWESOME.  I was over the moon for this little being!

And while I was beside myself, blissed right out, it did not cross my mind at that moment to breastfeed my son.  I don’t know if it crossed anyone’s mind, because it didn’t happen right then and there.  I wonder to this day if it would have made a difference, and I don’t THINK it would have, but I’m a sucker for not knowing.  I held my son for quite awhile, and Kyle and I gushed over him like mad.  I don’t remember timelines exactly, I don’t remember when he was taken to the warmer, Kyle right beside him for the whole time, and I don’t remember when they wrapped him all up, but I know that we had skin-to-skin for awhile.  I have tried not to have any regrets about this moment, because I know in my right, rational mind, there is nothing I can do differently about it, and having regrets is unhealthy.  So I don’t regret it, but I use it as a learning tool.  I would loved to have delayed everything, the “cleaning” of my son (rub that goodness right in!), the weighing, you name it, and I would’ve wanted us to attempt the breast crawl right off the bat, to initiate eye contact and bonding in such a way.

It wasn’t until we were up on post-partum, after I had showered and cleaned up, and after Cade had been wrapped in blankets, warmed right up, and had a bath, did we attempt breastfeeding.  He knew exactly what to do.  I remember the nurse that was helping me, bless her heart, said “look, wow, he knows exactly how to do this, he is a pro.”  I believed her and we went on with our night, as rough as it was.  Cade cried most of the night, despite frequent attempted feedings, cuddles, and skin-to-skin.   Kyle and I were both exhausted, and I broke down at one point because I “didn’t know what to do and I was so tired” and the nurse swaddled Cade up tightly, rocked him a bit, and handed him back to me.  It was not until 6am that he finally got some sleep, and so did I.

I always say that the beginning of motherhood is so insane.  You start off after going hours, days without sleep, and then you are thrown into a whole new wild world of breastfeeding, caring for a baby, and trying to heal, physically and emotionally from everything that just took place.  That’s exactly where I was at.  I could barely lie in bed without my perineum aching, and not only that, but I couldn’t pee due to the epidural/IV combo I had been infused with.  Toss in sore and cracked nipples into the mix and I’m spent.

The next day I remember being a bit calmer.  I would frequently breastfeed Cade, and I felt that things were going well.  I was in a sleep-deprivation induced haze, but was over the moon and in love with everything.  The tears poured out of my eyes over any and everything.  I was tired, so I cried.  I was in love with Kyle as a father, and so I cried again.   I remember the nurses in the hospital telling me to rest up that day, as baby’s second night of life was usually chaotic and they wanted to be up eating all the time.  I felt somewhat prepared, but that didn’t really happen.  That night, actually went off without much of a hitch.  Cade would wake up every 1.5-2 hours to feed, and would then go back to sleep.  Kyle and I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed, but still extremely exhausted.  Mostly, we were excited to be taking our little boy home, as that was the plan.  They tested his bili levels and they were fine, he was not jaundiced, and so we were able to go home.  That morning, I remember asking a nurse for the help of a lactation consultant, to ensure that everything really WAS going well and that we were latching.  The nurse basically denied me this request, saying that the LC’s were usually reserved for individuals who were struggling and having breastfeeding issues.  At the time, I accepted this, especially because she told me she had a passion for breastfeeding and offered to help me out.  I thought this was fine and dandy, and she really WAS of great assistance and showed me different positions to ease my achy nipples, however, looking back, I do think this was wrong.  I should have not have been denied the support of a LC by any means, and while I don’t think this affected our journey at all, I just think it’s unfortunate.

So homeward bound we were, and we couldn’t be happier.  I was on a strict regiment of having 2 baths a day, and to feed my son on demand, which I would do anyway.  The thought of using formula never crossed my mind.  I thought things were going quite delightful actually, until that night.  The sun went down and the evening reared its ugly head.  Cade turned into a nightmare, and in turn, so did his mama.  I must say, thank goodness for the best father ever, because he really was our rock at this time.  I’m sure there were times where he wondered who he should comfort first, though obviously that answer is pretty clear-cut.  Cade screamed.  All.  Bloody.  Night.  Despite constantly nursing him.  Despite endless cuddles and swaddling.  We swaddled him with an additional blanket.  It was shortly after that that he stopped crying and slept.  That was around 7am.  And I must say, we were pretty proud of ourselves.  Oh, so THAT was it. He was just cold, well DUH!

But it wasn’t just temperature regulation that was the issue, oh no, because he lost his mind the next night too.  And I felt oh so bad for this poor little boy.  What an entrance to this thing called life.  He screamed.  He screamed some more.  He cried.  He yelled.  He wailed.  I cried.  Kyle rocked and swaddled and patted and rocked and cuddled.  I think it was about 8am that Cade finally crashed for a couple hours.  Kyle and I were absolutely zonked.  I knew in my heart that something wasn’t right, and Cade looked a little on the yellow jaundicey side of things, and so I called the Healthy & Home nurses and demanded that they come for a home visit that day.

It pains me so hard, it breaks me into pieces, and it hurts my heart to think what COULD have happened if the nurses didn’t come that day, if something wouldn’t have told Kyle and I that we NEEDED to seek out support immediately.  I was starving my boy and I didn’t even know it.  Except, I did.  I knew something was wrong, and it was only after 2 nights of solid screaming did I wonder if perhaps he wasn’t getting enough to eat?

I was in tears on the phone with the nurse.  They sensed my urgency and they came over within an hour and a half.  They weighed my poor, sad, hungry little boy, and he had lost a pound of his body weight, which totalled 13 % which is a major red flag.  He hadn’t pooped in a couple days, and I really don’t remember his wet diaper count, but it wasn’t good.  I know that some major lactivists might say I was booby trapped after I say this next point – and maybe I was and maybe I wasn’t – what I DO know is my boy HAD to eat and he was a completely different baby after we fed him formula.  The nurses with Healthy & Home are lactation consultants as well, and Cindy, oh dear Cindy, was a kind, compassionate soul.  She understood my deep desire, my need, to breastfeed my son, and she understood my need to nurture him, with love and with nutrition, and she understood that he HAD TO EAT.  This was not an option, and I was not producing enough for my poor, sweet boy.  When we came to this conclusion, I was heartbroken.  I burst into tears, I had a million questions, and Cindy was amazing.  I swear, I should’ve sent her flowers.  I don’t know if it’s because she was the first nurse we encountered after going home or what, but she is the only LC’s name that I remember, and there were I think 5 different LC’s that visited us at home within a few days, to check on Cade’s bili levels and to provide breastfeeding support.  (Actually, this is an aside, but I think I am going to contact Cindy and let her know how much I appreciated her. )

Cindy basically demanded that we had to get some calories into this boy asap.  She asked if we had some on hand, and sure enough, WE DID (go on lactivists, attack me for not tossing out the free formula samples).  I saved everything we got in the mail, why?  I don’t know.  I remember thinking when I got the formula samples “oh, well, I’ll never need these, in the closet they go.”  I showed her the only bottle we had on hand (also a free sample), and she encouraged us to try the Supplemental Nursing System if we wanted to continue breastfeeding as well as getting formulas into our boy at the same time.  I remember the method seeming petty and confusing, and WORK.  But we agreed to try it out, and she showed Kyle and I how to team up and make it work.  It was complicating and stressful and just thinking about it gives me a lump in my throat.  Basically, we would fill a syringe with formula, attach a tiny sterile tube to the syringe, and then place the tube alongside my nipple as Cade latched on.  We were still trying to perfect the latch, so adding an extra step in caused much grief, but we did it.  For nearly 4 weeks, every feed, we would use this tiny little tube and place it as Cade latched, so that he would still nurse and hopefully stimulate my breasts to provide milk and increase my supply, but that he would still get substantial calories as well.  I remember feeling increasing anxiety as it came time for Kyle to go back to work, because how the hell was I supposed to do this on my own?  It took my tears, many tries, until we figured out a system that (sort of) worked.  When the tears got to be too much, I would just use my finger and feed the tube along my finger to feed Cade, after breastfeeding him.  I was scared of the bottle and we avoided it for as long as I could stand to.

After going in to the Breastfeeding clinic to meet with an LC there, Cade’s suck was evaluated and determined to be great.  The LC checked out his slight tongue tie, and also determined it to be very slight.  Our doctor has said the same.  This is still something to this day I wonder about.  Everyone has said it would not affect breastfeeding because it’s so slight and far back, but I am skeptical, if only because I am searching desperately for answers.  At one point when we met with the LC, I was breastfeeding Cade, and the LC was doing hardcore breast compressions to attempt to get the milk flowing.  And it still didn’t flow.  It just would NOT flow, stubborn supply.  The plan was to rent an electric hospital grade pump and attempt to pump after every feed for approximately 10 minutes per side (or all at once if using a double pump).  Needless to say, this was exhausting, but we did it.  The pump became my worst enemy.  I felt overwhelmed and intimidated by the pump.  We were not friends and I don’t believe this helped to increase my milk supply either.  I began to despise the pump, everything about it.  I hated washing out the pump parts a million times a day, I hated sitting there with the flanges on my breasts, making the “werr, werrrrrr” noise with every suction.  I hated anxiously watching the bottles that would catch the pumped milk, waiting to see a bottle at least half full.  I hated seeing next to no milk come out of my pumped breasts, my breasts that were so desperate to be full.  I’m sure one day I will regret it, but I wanted to experience hard, aching, full of milk boobies.  I felt envy and jealousy when my friends would have to slip in a breast pad because they were leaking.  I wanted to leak.  Shit, let me leak all over my shirt, let’s soak it up.  It never happened.

I attempted to take Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle, two supposed galactagogues, but the only thing they did was give my body a sweet and spicy odour.  I took these in combination with Domperidone, a prescribed medication used to treat stomach issues with the sometimes fortunate side effect of inducing lactation.  Again, I’m not sure it did much, though I did take it for about 6 months.  After 4 weeks of feeling in my heart that I tried everything I could to increase my supply, but to see really no improvements, I retired the SNS and revamped our routine to 1) Breastfeed Cade for as long as he would latch and suckle 2) Give him a bottle with formula to top him off.  This worked and I felt like a huge amount of pressure was eased off of me.  The SNS created stress and I began to cry at almost every feed.  Was it worth it?  Was Cade benefiting from a depressed and completely worn-down mother?  Eventually, I returned the pump.  I held onto it for a very long time, because I couldn’t bring myself to take it back for fear that it was signalling I had given up.  I hadn’t used it in days, and it was sitting there, taking up space, it was almost daunting in a way.  I returned it, and I felt a twinge of sadness, until I realized why I was returning it.

It took me a long time to realize what our feeding routine was doing to my son, and to myself.   I was completely worn out, I was stressed, and I was depressed.  I had begun to question if I really did everything I could, surely I missed something, right?  But when I realized that I did everything I could, and when I realized that it was worth it for our feeding routine to change, was when I felt a complete let-go of the stress that had been bogging me down.  I felt this within myself, and I noticed a change in my son at feeding.  He took to the bottle like a champ, and he took to the breast like a champ.  There were no issues with him going from breast to bottle and back.  Was it so important to me to not use a bottle because it might mean failure, even when it might have meant not so pleasant things for my son?  He truly thrived when I was happy, and I didn’t realize that in the moment until we had decided to change our routine, for everyone’s sake, but mostly Cade’s and my own.   Cade needed me, he needed his mother, to be happy, and to be content, and to feel GOOD about the time spent feeding him.  I was not feeling good about this, and what was this doing to him?  Did I want to transfer so much negative energy to a sweet little baby?  Of course I didn’t, so why I was doing that for so long, I don’t know.   I have determination and I have perseverance, and because I knew in my heart that that was one of the best things I could do for my son, was breastfeed him.

This was what factored into my decision to keep at it for so long.  I understand that everyone has a choice to make, and that choice is truly their own.  I respect each woman’s choice, and I do believe that decisions are made for a reason, based on past experiences, life issues, and the like.  The choice that I made, that we made, as a family, was for me to continue to breastfeed Cade for as long as we could sustain it.  Even if it was a teaspoon of milk he was getting from me.  Even if it was a drop.  We had become pros at breastfeeding, and it was part of our routine, so we kept on keeping on.  Gradually, he started to get more formula and less breastmilk, though there were times where he would breastfeed and did not want to take a bottle after that.  Those times?  I felt happy.  I felt good.  I felt like that was a huge success for us, and it was sort of a gift, a karmic gift, after the breastfeeding struggles we had endured.

We kept on with this routine until Cade was about 8 months old.  Eventually, it had turned to where he would only breastfeed in the morning when he first woke up, before having a bottle, or in the middle of the night when he would wake up to eat, while waiting for the bottle to warm up.  He got to an age where he got so distracted, and nursing was not on the top of his priority list, and so we went with it, and we excelled at that for awhile too.  Around 8 months old, he lost his interest in nursing, and it sort of happened gradually, which I am thankful for.  I remember thinking that I had to prepare myself for the end of this rocky journey that we had had, but because it just dwindled off, I am just now mourning the conclusion of it, pouring it all out there.
Truthfully?  I feel okay with how things went.  I had to come to terms with it, and I still have many what if’s that cross my mind, sometimes on a daily basis, but not as much anymore.  Do I wish that things would have went differently?  I do.  But I have learned so much based how things did go, and they went according to the agenda in which they needed to go.  Not only have I learned an insane amount about breastfeeding, pregnancy, birthing, and how the birthing process can affect breastfeeding, I have learned even more about my son and myself.  My son is patient and determined.  He possesses these traits like no other, and while some might argue that I can’t determine that since he’s so young, I CAN and I know that he will fight for what he wants, and if he wants it, he will get it.  I feel like at such a young age, only 8 months, he already knows exactly what he wants and how to go for it.  When my son is old enough to understand, I want to talk to him about our journey, and I want to thank him for being patient with me as I learned, and for helping me to learn.  He taught me the gift of patience and perseverance.  He taught me to believe in myself, and to be strong when times were tough.  And really, by simply being born, he has encouraged me to conquer my fears, to take on anything.

Still to this day, I don’t know why we were not able to exclusively breastfeed.  I don’t want to say that we weren’t successful at breastfeeding, because the way success is measured can be so trivial.  We were successful in ways that we had to be.  Was it the tongue tie?  Is it because I was induced and my body just wasn’t ready?  Was it the epidural and intense infusion of IV fluids?  Did the pitocin have something to do with it?  Should we have done skin-to-skin sooner and commenced the breastfeeding journey right then and there?  Do I have insufficient glandular tissue, a physiological condition that can prevent a sufficient supply of milk?  There were times where I wanted to be more successful, and around 6 months old I seriously considered attempting the process of ‘relactating’, but aptly decided that I would be doing more damage than good by taking on that.  That’s just a whole other ball game.

Just like any other mama who breastfed once but is no longer, I miss the feeling of my beautiful little angel’s tiny hands on my chest, resting on my breast, as he nursed and looked at me, or nursed and got so comfy he dozed off.  I miss being skin-to-skin and having his warm and so very soft tummy pressing against my own.  I miss his little “hmm” noises he would make when he was latched on.  I miss the feeling of nutritionally nurturing him, knowing I am providing him with the antibodies that he needs and his body desires.

I had many moments where I felt extreme amounts of guilt.  I didn’t want to feed him in public, because pulling out that bottle meant that I had failed breastfeeding, and so obviously I had failed as a mother, right?  WRONG.  I learned that breastfeeding did not equal perfection, nor did it equal motherhood.  Was it a huge component of motherhood?  Yes it was, but it was not the be all and it was not the end all.  In the end, I was doing for my son what I needed to do for him.  We learned along the way.  I’m hoping with future babies (probably only just 1 ;) that breastfeeding will work out, and that I will be able to use the tools that Cade taught me, in order to be “successful.”  But that’s for another time, and for now, this is where we’re at.

But most importantly, I am proud of where we were and where we have come.  I feel blessed that we were given an obstacle, a hurdle, and we flew right over it, with a little bit of turbulence along the way.  I know that my experiences might seem trivial compared to other’s, but the fact is, this is our story, and it does matter.  Our story might help others, but most of all, it has helped us.  It will make us better people, more empathetic, stronger individuals.  I feel like I have a surge of compassion that has been injected in me because of it.  I feel better able to understand other’s experiences with breastfeeding.  I never realized the emotional intensity of a breastfeeding journey and all that goes along with it.  I now do, and I think that that is beautiful and such an important part of the life that I want to lead.   My boy is thriving and I am happy and as healthy as I’ve ever been.  We work as a team, and this was only the very start of it.  We are in for a very wonderful, a very fulfilling, and a very triumphant ride.

July 25, 2011 at 11:31 pm 26 comments

Reflections of a Day.

I am on a total health kick, except this time I feel like it’s for real.   I can only say that now, because I’ve experienced the feeling of health kicks that feel like they may only be momentary.  But this shit feels real, and that’s why I’m blogging about it, because I think I’m on the right track.  Could also be that runner’s high people speak about, but I’ve only done the C25K once, so I doubt that.

My biggest motivator in wanting to be healthy, overall (in mind, body, spirit) is my dear angel, Cade.  I want him to see his parents living an active and healthy lifestyle, and with us being his biggest role models (at least ’til the whole peer thing kicks into gear), I want him to adopt some of our healthy habits and ways of living.  I want him to feel good about the things that his body CAN do, not should do.  I want him to feel confident, and have a super healthy level of self-esteem, which he can use as a nice and secure grounding for everything he does in his life.

Honestly, I see my little boy moving about so insanely, so manically, and I want to do the same.  I’m going to have to do the same, because once he really gets crawling and walking, there is no stopping him, and I may have to be on the chase.  I’d really love to be able to be on that chase without a cherry-red tomato face and a lack of breath, and the only way I am going to be able to do that is to train my body and train my mind to believe in my body.

While the thought of him becoming active and never stopping is a little bit daunting, especially as I sit here at 11:00 o’clock at night, telling myself that my legs don’t hurt (they are aching so bad) and that I won’t be tired in the morning when I get up at 7am to do my run (I likely will be, but once I get going I’m sure I’ll be fine.. no, I will be fine), I would much rather have a child who is active (can’t say it enough, in body and mind) than one who sits in front of the silly television and watches super lame shows and plays crappy video games all day long.  It’s common knowledge that children are spending less and less time outdoors and engaging in human-to-human interactions, and I don’t want Cade to be one of those statistics.

I want to be a healthy mom, but more than that, I want to be a healthy woman.  I want to feel good about the activities I engage in, the food I put into my body, and the words and pep talks that I give myself on a daily basis.  What I put into my body almost directly and immediately affects how I feel about myself.  I want to allow myself some freedom though, too.  A girl’s gotta treat herself sometimes!  I want to feel what my body can do.  I carried my son for nearly 9 months, I nurtured both of our bodies while doing so, and I birthed him into this wonderful world.  I can surely do anything.  Birth is so incredibly empowering and has opened my eyes to the beauty of being so self-aware, and believing in the power of my own mind, my own spirit, and in turn my own body.  But that is for another post.

For now, what my body needs is rest and sleep.  It has been a busy day, socially, mentally, and physically.  We have visited with dear friends, walked around the neighbourhood and played on the ground, and I have studied for an upcoming interview, and to say the least, it’s draining and exhausting the crap out of me.  I don’t want to fall short on my run tomorrow, and since it’ll be an early one, I ought to call it a night.  Goodnighty night my friends, and if you’re doing the C25K, or another running/exercise program, let me know, comment, talk about your struggles, whatever it is.  I know there’s a few of you who have started the program and that makes me ecstatic beyond all belief.  We’re creating a revolution, y’all!

June 6, 2011 at 11:12 pm Leave a comment

June.

One of the most difficult aspects of blogging, for me, is coming up with a Title, so because of that, today we are going for simple, boring, obvious and non-descriptive.

The post might even fall under one or all of those labels as well.  Bear with me.

First things first, this is one of my most favouritest pictures of my sweet angel.  He fell asleep while getting burped, and almost nothing could wake him up.  Beautiful little boy.  They just so dang cute when they’re sleeping.

I’ve seen a ‘thing’ on several blogs, where the author will post sites and articles that interested them for that particular day or week, and because I love to share the wealth and spread the love, I’m going to start doing that too.  Not on a daily basis or anything, but once a week I will give a nice little shout out to things that have spoken to me.

Today:

  • This is the most beautiful birth story I have ever read.  Seriously is so eloquently written, so raw, and so honest.  It also has 1300 comments, so I think that speaks for itself.  Love reading her blog in general, the way she writes, the way she captures images, just lovely, so lovely.
  • As inspired by this post, I think I am going to take on a huge challenge and push myself to complete it successfully.  It’s called the Couch to 5k and it is essentially a jogging program that promises to get couch potatoes jogging 5km in 9 weeks.  Of course, it’s a gradual process, but I need something to challenge me, I need something to give me a nice, swift kick in the rear end, because this gym thing just ain’t cutting it the way I want it to.  My health isn’t just about me anymore, it is about my son, role modeling a healthy lifestyle, and I’m not doing that as I should be right now.  I don’t want him to struggle with weight ever.  I don’t want him to have issues with food ever.  And so I need to get my ass into gear.  I haven’t decided if I will start on the treadmill or just go outside, but I likely will do the treadmill thing, because I don’t do super well with hot weather.  Or running.  Or running in hot weather.  Disclaimer: I AM NOT A RUNNER. I AM NOT A JOGGER.  By any means.  But I am slightly envious when I see people jogging.  I’d like to be there someday.  Hell, I was even thinking about posting on this here blog that I will run a marathon in 2012.  Going too far?  Perhaps.  But goals need to be set.  I’m not setting that goal just quite yet, because I believe in starting small, being realistic.  So for now, it’s the C25K.  I’ve already loaded up my iTunes with TONS of podcasts to keep me going.  They even have prompts for when to jog and when to walk.  So awesome.  If anyone is interested I’ll post links to those as well.
  • A shout out to Plus Size Mommy Memoirs, both the blog and the Facebook page.  She has created quite a following, and quite a supportive community of plus size mamas, trying to conceive, pregnant already, or navigating through parenthood.  I enjoy her posts and I enjoy the different discussions that take place on the wall.  It’s supportive and I think a piece of the pregnancy and childbirth puzzle that needed to be filled.
  • One of the funniest and most entertaining blogs I’ve been reading lately is Rantsfrommommyland. It’s seriously SO good.  I don’t laugh out loud that often while reading things, but I can barely get through a single post without busting a gut.  Bravo mamas.
  • And of course, can’t forget the most precious little Shiba Inu pups ever.  I suspect they will be going to their forever homes soon, since they are almost 2 months old.  They’re so cute and getting so big.  Playful little stinkers.

I think that’s all I’ve been creepin’ on lately.  Well, I’m sure there’s plenty more, but that’s what sticks out.  Check them out, post some feedback, and by the way, I have a major stalking statcounter now, so I know when you visit.  At least say hi, will ya?

Oh, and I’m going to attempt a post every day in June thing.  We’ll see if I can do this.  Geez, I am awfully committal this month.  First the jogging, then the posting.  Maybe they’ll go hand in hand.  You can hear about how I nearly collapsed on my first day of C25K.  That ought to be entertaining.

Happy hump day my friends.

June 1, 2011 at 10:30 pm 2 comments

SNOOPY SUNDAY.

RULES:

1) Every Sunday, I will post an answer to a question from a reader.   You can ask me questions on Facebook or by commenting on my blog.  The question I choose will be random – I will put the questions in a hat and pick one out; that will be the question I answer.

2) Once I answer a question, I will visit your blog or your Facebook and ask you a question in return.  I will also link to your blog when I write the answer to the question you asked.

3) I don’t know if this is exactly a rule, but I will encourage my regular readers who have blogs to also participate on Snoopy Sundays.  Let’s make this fun, shall we.

4) Questions can be relating to anything, although try to keep it somewhat appropriate.  I cannot police how you interpret appropriate, so be nice.

Chandra was nice enough to shoot out something like 4 questions for me so I got the pick of the litter, and this time I chose: Do you think after the experiences you have had, are you more inclined to have more children or less?

Honestly, I guess I picked this one ’cause I thought it was an easy question.  Call me a copout.  I slept on a camping trailer-style table-bed last night, and my hips still get achy from giving birth, so my sleep was a little on the not so great side, forgive me please and let me just have my moment.

The short, super simple answer is, my experiences have not really changed my mind about how many children I want.  Not really.  For the first 3 months post-giving-birth, I was totally on the fence because I was down in the dumps about my experience in terms of my perineal tear and not so fun healing process, breastfeeding struggles, and the cryfests of 2011 that turned into late-night (think 4am) parties that only technically involved 1 of us as the 2 adults and 1 dog were basically were walking zombies, sleep-deprivation induced mania, if you will.   But guess what?  Things are looking up.  My hormones were all over the map and so I was upset and sad about every and anything.  I know that it’s not the worst thing that could have happened.  I know that.  I am fortunate.  Things could have been more hectic, things could always be worse.  Always.  But, it’s all relative and I must give acknowledgment to my experiences and how they have shaped us.

So with that being said, I could not believe that I would be going through that whole journey again.  Give birth again to another child?  Yeah right.  As beautiful, amazing, empowering and wonderful as it was, the after-part was the sucky part, and it scared me to think that we would trudge through those murky waters ever again.  However, look at us, we made it, and I’d say we passed with flying colours.  But then again, I’d say every parent does because parents are wonderful beings and can take on the world.  Especially some parents, whom I am so blessed to say, I know some of those people.  And they are fricken’ amazing.  They take on challenges like nobody’s business.  They possess the kind of strength those silly UFC fighters would be jealous of.   Anyway…

So yup, we made it through the 4th trimester. The 4th trimester is one thing a lot of people fail to talk about.  Seriously, I think instead of trying to fear-monger every pregnant woman with war-like stories of birth, let’s talk a little bit about the stuff people seem to ignore, like the 4th trimester, realistic breastfeeding tips, how to heal yourself physically and mentally, sex after childbirth (which may or may not happen in the 4th trimester, depends on how brave you are, really), what to do when you seriously feel like you just might lose your mind and never ever EVER find it again, and maybe a good tip for partners: how to deal with your baby when your baby is screaming at 3am and mamabear is screaming louder than the baby.  NOW we’re talkin’.

Ok, I keep getting off topic.  4th trimester…. yup, made it, and it seems after that 4th trimester, well, give or take a couple months, I found myself slowly creepily climbing back on the baby bandwagon.  Read that carefully people, BABY BANDWAGON, NOT BABY-MAKING BANDWAGON.  Instead of being all, omg, how will I go through this again, I was all, yeah.. I could totally do this again, and even, I want to do this again.  Yes, want, as in, desire.  K and I for sure want at least one more child, possibly two, and if you asked K, possibly three, though that seems a bit hectic and chaotic panic-inducing to me.  The thing is, I have one sibling, and always thought it would be cool to have one more (sorry broseph, you’re like, really cool and all, but…).  But then three siblings is an odd number, but four, while an even number, seems just WILD.  And expensive.

Another thing about my experience (and I’m merely talkin’ labour/birthing experience here) is that since I’ve given birth, I have been a crazy lady with research, reading birth stories, watching birth videos, reading birth plans.  I have already begun to create a birth scenario and birth plan for our next one.  I have visions of home births (or at least, doula-accompanied and major talked about “natural childbirth” plan with lovely doctor style hospital birth) dancing very rhythmically in my head.  But with that being said, there’s things I need to do, personally (physically, emotionally, etc) before we bring another life into this world.  There’s also this thing called time and age gap, both of which we want a decent chunk of.

Personally, I can’t imagine just having one child.  And I say that without any judgment (seriously!) on people who choose to stick with just one kiddo.  I just picture Cade and his brother(s) and/or sister(s) playing in the yard, setting up forts with miscellaneous items, and of course, with the aid of nature.  I picture them creating games and implementing their own rules, each helping the other how to figure out fairness and justice via an awesome game that they imagined and then put into action.  I picture them fighting and tattling on each other.  It makes my heart glow and beam so, so, so much.  I know we’re in for still more challenges and just ’cause we’ve made it through the 4th trimester (and well, an additional 4 months after that) it’s not that I think we are just totally good to go.  I just know that we can take on whatever challenge that this little dude is gonna present to us.  You deal with what you’re dished out, right, isn’t that how the saying goes?  Some people’s dish is piled high with medical needs, some people’s dish is piled high with super active toddlers who might as well be nicknamed Crash, and some people don’t even just get 1 dish, they get the whole friggin’ buffet.  Whatever it is, whatever it may be, we can do it, and you can too.  So with that, I say, bring on the kidlets.  But not too soon, will ya?

May 29, 2011 at 10:24 pm Leave a comment

Mamabear.

I am planning a big whoppin’ six month summary post of my boy’s first half of a year journey into Tangible Life.  I’m thinking it may be an emotional one for me to write and reflect on, because I simply cannot believe this little monkey is growing into a boy who responds to goofiness, totally knows who mama and daddy are and again, responds accordingly, and also, who has such clearly defined likes and dislikes.  He is being shaped, he is constantly developing as an individual, and while he is still a baby, he is not a teeny, fragile newborn who needs his head supported.  You try supportin’ my boy’s head and he contorts and twists and squirms because he just wants to GO.

Almost every day I remind myself that I am a mom.  It’s not that I forget, but it’s that I have to remind myself because, at least to some extent, I am still in shock that we created a beautiful life, a life who has thrived from day one, a life who has made me proud, who has played a part in shaping me into the woman I am today.  No one could have prepared me for what pregnancy, birthing, and subsequently becoming a parent have been about, and I appreciate that.

I appreciate that it has been at times a rough journey, at times a journey that I never thought I would make it through.

I appreciate that this has helped me to become a survivor of my own story and experiences no matter what they are.

I appreciate that I have shed an amazing amount of tears, an amount that I didn’t think my body could create.

I appreciate that my muscles have grown as my boy grows and never thought lifting 20 lbs could be so easy.

I appreciate that I have never felt closer to my family or my friends and truly feel an indescribable connection to them.

I appreciate that while I may not have been able to fully breastfeed the boy, I have been able to provide him with as much of my breast milk that has been physiologically possible, and that we have created a routine, a breastfeeding relationship, based on what my body can and has given him up until this point, and also, that as a result of establishing and coming to terms with a routine that works for us, my boy no longer has to deal with a crying and emotionally drained mama at each feed.

I appreciate that I am now a pregnancy and birth junkie and am slightly addicted to reading birth and mama blogs and envisioning how my next birth experience will go.

I appreciate how while there are certain aspects of my birth story that, looking back on, I would know to do differently next time, I would not change a thing, because everything that happened resulted in the birth of my amazing and beautiful boy, and the flowering and growing of my relationship with my husband.

I appreciate that on top of all the rough moments, the non-stop 4am crying sessions, the nursing troubles, my boy is healthy as can be, and at nearly 6 months old and nearly 20 lbs, that speaks for itself.

I appreciate that I was able to feel comfortable with my body to do what it needed to do, and, albeit needing a little bit of, er, medical assistance what with the induction and all, I trusted myself and I felt comfortable in my body to labour and experience intense rushes and waves which resulted in the amazing birth of the boy.

I appreciate that I have never felt as assertive as I do now, but not so much so that I have crossed the line of being able to be respectful, because I think respect is one of the most important lessons I can teach my son.

I appreciate that Kyle and I are individuals and have our own beliefs and personalities and as a result, will be genuine role models to Cade, in hopes that he too will express himself in such a way.

To sum up the past 6 months before I properly reflect, it has been the most trying, sleepless, tearful, emotional, happy and beautiful months of my life.  I have never experienced such highs or lows, and I have never been so happy to say the same.

April 28, 2011 at 11:09 pm 1 comment

The Post-Partum Pantry.

… if there was such a thing, this is what would be in mine (inspired by the top 10 at The Birthing Site):

1. Prunes, Fruits, Vegetables & Whole Grains: Basically any high-fibre, go-poop foods, really, to help combat the terrifying and almost trauma-inducing first post-partum poo.  It is not fun and you feel like you are going to tear to shreds.  Again.  Also, it makes it even more difficult to go than it already is, when you’ve got a crying baby in the background.  Just picture it, you’re sitting there on the dreaded porcelain thing, trying to relax your sphincter muscles so you can try to poo with as little tragedy as possible, and then all of a sudden you hear your baby starting to wail and wail.  Then my mind starts wandering and I think, why am I trying to relax?   OH YEAH, because I had a baby, and that baby came out of my vagina, and now I’m sore and my perineum is insanely painful and that’s why I’m trying to relax.  But in order to not be one of those people who tries to scare every pregnant woman, it’s not that bad once you actually go.  And once you go once, typically it just gets better and better.   However, do make sure you have prunes, fruits and veggies on hand to help with the post-partum constipation, which I did not know would occur for a couple months post-partum.  Which brings me to…

2. Stool Softener: I used Colace.  When I was in the hospital, they gave me a stool softener with my meals, but it didn’t do shit (oops, not even trying to make a stupid joke there) because do you really think I was going to feel relaxed enough in the hospital for the softener to take full effect?  Nope.  Not even for days after being at home did I feel okay enough to attempt It.  Prior to leaving the hospital I asked if I should continue with a stool softener at home, and the nurse said I didn’t need to.  And I listened to them, until two days later then I thought, uhmm, screw this.  Colace and I became really great friends for a few days, probably almost a couple weeks, just to ease my nerves.

3. Peri-Bottle + A Comfy Bath: I can only speak from the perspective of a vaginal delivery, but I made the Peri-Bottle and the bathtub two of my greatest, most trusted friends for a couple weeks.  Actually, because of my granulation tissue, I ended up using the peri-bottle for several weeks, until I realized something wasn’t right and the peri-bottle was not helping.  PEE BURNS, people!  And you do not want your urine irritating your already irritated perineum and bottom.  Use the peri-bottle and use it to its full advantage, whatever that may be.  Just douse your perineum with warm water as you pee, it will help things and at least relieve some of the discomfort.   And take advantage of those baths, too.  I was ordered to have 2 a day, and I did and it was great.  It is so important to rest in order to promote healing, and sometimes it is hard to do so when you’re in the midst of learning how to care for a baby, try to catch up on sleep, and deal with those crazy post-partum hormones.  At least in the bath you are by yourself and can use this time to re-energize and work on healing.  Plus, it feels really, really good.

4. Glamourmom Nursing Tanks: I splurged on two of these tanks (brown and black) at Cravings Maternity & Baby Boutique and I am in love.  Still.  They’re practical, super easy to “use” with one hand, and they claim to have a ‘belly-flattening’ effect for those darn post-partum bellies.  I do think they do have a bit of a flattening/slimming effect though, and I’m not complaining.  These tanks run at about $60 but are so comfy.  You can get ones with a built-in full bra, or ones with just a built-in elastic “shelf bra”.  The bra part just flips down and flips back up easily.  They’re great for layering and will be awesome in the summer, methinks.

5. Pre-Made Frozen Meals: The weekend before I was induced, I went into major nesting cooking housewife mode.  I whipped up a couple spinach and feta quiches to freeze, and several batches of frozen meat sauce, stew, chili, and soup.  They all came in super handy, especially when it came time to Kyle being back at work.  It was so nice to just reach in the freezer, grab a meal, thaw it, and eat.  Minimal preparation or cooking utensils to wash, either.  When you’re majorly sleep deprived, learning to breastfeed and care for an infant, and trying to take care of yourself and heal, composing a meal and cooking is the last thing you want to be doing.

6. Ibuprofen: I’ll admit, when I was in the hospital I popped Advil like no one’s business.  If it was an hour past the time when I was ‘due’ for my next dose, I was the annoying one buzzing the nurses to drug me up with another dose.  Ibuprofen was another one of my good, trustworthy friends during the post-partum period.  The liqui-gels seem to be more quickly effective too, so I’d suggest picking up that type.  I’m sure acetaminophen would work well also, I’m just a fan of ibuprofen in general.

7. Lansinoh Lanolin Cream: When rubbing a little bit of expressed breast milk or colostrum on your nipples to combat nipple soreness just won’t cut it, use a cream of some sorts.  The stuff I chose, based on recommendations, was the Lansinoh brand, but I do believe they are all similarly composed.  I used this stuff religiously after every feed.  It helped with the nipple soreness during the beginning weeks of breastfeeding.  The bonus is that it is safe for mama and baby and does not need to be washed off prior to breastfeeding.  I say bonus because I mean it, when your nipples are hella sore, the thought of washing off this life-saving cream is dreadful and awful.  The one weird thing is it is very sticky, and so you only have to use a little bit.  It’s kind of a pain trying to get this off your fingers too.

8. A Support System: SO IMPORTANT!  Be it your partner, your friends, your pet, your children, the lactation consultants, your doctor, your midwife, your doula.  Make sure you’ve got people in place who’ve got your back.   This is especially helpful if you are having some struggles.  I am pretty certain I cried to every single Healthy & Home nurse that came to our house.  And they were all so kind and caring, just the type of people you want around you in those early post-partum days.  I don’t know if I would have been so persistent with continuing to breastfeed had it not been for them helping me remain calm, supported, and educated.  Of course, all of the other awesomeness in my life helped as well.  There were days I thought I would not survive.  I thought I would go crazy.  I thought I didn’t know what I was doing.  But every important person in my life reassured me that a) I would survive b) I would not go crazy and if I did it was okay, just get help and c) I was doing what I knew and it was working and my baby was thriving.  The baby blues can be nasty, and the mild to very serious post-partum depression that may follow, can also be raunchy, and you want to be as prepared as possible, in the event that you need to seek out extra support, or just somebody to tell you that you are doing a good job.

9. Some type of pads that don’t feel like ginormous diapers: When I was pregnant, so many people told me I might as well just go buy the Poise ‘disposable underwear’ type pads because the lochia was going to be that intense.   I’m not a big fan of pads, so I was kind of dreading having to wear the semi-truck of pads, that is, Poise.  I decided to just purchase some ‘Overnight’ style Always pads, the ‘Infinity‘ version (gotta love pad branding) and I didn’t look back.  In the hospital, they give you gigantic diaper-like pads and some sexy mesh underwear.  It totally works and does the trick, but unfortunately they don’t let you take the mesh undies home, though you can take some of their pads, if you choose to.  I took a couple, but once I got home I realized that if I was going to be bleeding and in a fair amount of discomfort, I at least wanted to sort of feel at least kind of comfortable, read: not wearing a bigger pad than necessary.  I suppose some women may require the Poise-style, but if you don’t need to, I highly recommend the Infinity – they’re apparently more absorbent than even the normal Always style overnight, but thinner, which is a plus in my books.

10. A Comfortable Wardrobe: Especially pants!  You’ll want something stretchy so you can maximize comfort in any area possible.  You’ll also want something probably not too super expensive, in case the aforementioned lochia decides to visit your pantaloons.  Whenever I’m at home, I typically live in my lounge-wear, so this was an absolute must for me anyway.  And while it may not fit into this category, maybe have something on hand you can make into a make-shift donut, in case it’s not comfortable to sit.  Since you’ll likely be doing a lot of sitting, this is critical.  I took some towels, rolled them up, and made myself a donut on the glider chair where I pretty much glued my ass to for a couple weeks.  It worked fairly well, and it also worked well for claiming the chair as my own!

I’m likely forgetting something important, but those are the major things.  I also had on hand: easy snacks to grab, magazines and light reading (for in the tub), TV series to watch while rocking baby to sleep or breastfeeding (though of course there is nothing quite like looking into your little one’s eyes as he or she munches away!), slippers, kleenex for my ridiculous amount of tears, a cordless phone, and the Internet, just to satisfy my harmful Google addiction.  I’d love to get my shit together and make up post-partum gift packages for all the new parents in my life.  To me, that would be a super fun business venture.  Going to happen?  Likely not.

One of the most important non-material post-partum things that I need to have, looking back, is some form of coping skills and self-care.  That can be super hard to attain when you’re a new parent, but it is critical.  Calmness is key, and while it is normal to get frustrated, upset, sad, angry, you’ve got to figure out a way to deal with this in a healthy manner.  Your baby needs you, and your baby feels your energy, so you want to ensure to reflect a good balance.  I know there were times where I was crazy, and thankfully, Cade has an amazing dad, who not only ‘stepped in,’ he took hold of the reigns and ran with them, he ran really fast, and there were days I would have crashed hard had it not been for him supporting me, loving me, and ensuring I had at least a little chunk of me-time to recuperate, heal, and get back on the track to being the best parent I could be for mister Cadester.

What were your post-partum essentials?

March 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm 4 comments

10 + IChallengeYou.

I’m trying to build a little community here.  And plus, who doesn’t like knowing people are reading and taking in their schtuff?  I know I certainly do.

Because not every post can be an in-depth analysis or reflection on my life as a woman or my life as a momma, I am going to post about 10 things I’m currently obsessin’ on.   THINGS.  Not people, not places, things, food, drink, interests.  Purely materialistic.  Purely probably consumerism.    So in order to balance out this corporate-ish inspired list, I’m asking you, my dear readers (and I know there are several of you) to post a comment, letting me know who you are, where you’re at, and one thing that would be on your list.  And ’cause I’ve said it so any times, if you blog, TELL ME, so I can come e-visit you. 

1. LONDON FOGS aka EARL GREY LATTES: I’m on a mission to dramatically reduce/cut out dairy (mostly dairy containing lactose) and so these suckas have got to be made with soy milk for me to fully enjoy them.  And fully enjoy them I do.  Kyle has learned how to re-create the Starbucks version so that we can try to adhere to a budget, prepare them at our own convenience, support our own kitchen more than Starbucks’, and control the nutritional value of them.  Kyle’s version has 1 Earl Grey tea bag, 1/2 the mug with soy milk, 1/2 the mug with water, 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract, and then a varied amount of sugar in the raw – I usually aim for less.

  2. PRAIRIE INK RESTAURANT’S CITRUS & FETA SALAD: I never thought I was a lover of salad that contains fruit (except for pure fruit salad, which I craved big time when I was with child).  However, this all changed when I tried the salad at McNally’s in-house restaurant.  It’s got greens, olives, mandarin oranges, feta cheese, red onions, grilled chicken breast, and topped with a… ranch (I think?) dressing.  Delish and I want it now now now.

3. ERGO CARRIER: Kyle’s parents recently purchased an Ergo baby carrier for us and we love it, but more importantly, Cade loves it.  It’s super comfy to wear, supportive for my little guy, and portable and convenient.  We pop Cade in it when we’re grocery shopping, browsing at the mall, or like today, checking out a ‘baby show extravaganza.’  It’s so nice to have him close by, and most of the time, he’ll fall asleep in it.  I cannot wait until this horrid weather pisses off and we can use it to go for our daily dog park visits. 

4. FACEBOOK: Not gonna lie, I’m a fan.  I probably spend more time on it than I should, though that amount has dramatically decreased since the little stinker man arrived.  I used to make it a priority to play Wheel of Fortune, so I could get my free spin.  Super pathetic?  A little bit.  Now I just creep, and network, and post photos and stories of my own life.  Some may say I am exploiting my child, my dog, and my family.  I don’t see it as that.  I am sharing my joy with other people in my life that I care about.  I love being able to stay in touch with people. Yes, this is possible without Facebook, and yes Facebook just makes certain things more convenient, but I’m okay with convenience. 

5. The BUMBO CHAIR: Cade loves it.  LOVES IT.  If he didn’t like it, we obviously would not sit him in it.  He looks so sweet, his little thighs in between the chair legs, and it’s safe and practical.  We took it out to the restaurant tonight and he sat in it while we ate.  It’s the perfect place to seat my little guy if he is getting bored of hanging out in my arms, or any other position he likes to chill out in.  We can have great little chats, and he flashes me his perfect little smile.  Life is good.

6. PREGNANCY, BIRTHING, POSTPARTUM: Ever since going through this most amazing, beautiful (yes, nausea, swollen feet, intense contractions, bowel movements, struggles, crying and all) it is all I want to talk about.  I love being able to relate to all of these amazing women who have given birth and been through these experiences.  I love having friends who are going through these stages of life at the same time as me (and those that aren’t, I love you because you’ve been incredibly supportive).  I love reflecting on my own experiences, though sometimes it is emotional and a struggle, for varying reasons.  I love learning about birthing wisdom, women’s bodies, and how we are meant to give birth and how this experience can be influenced.

7. BLOGS: I don’t watch TV; I read blogs.  I don’t write in a journal; I blog.   I am a lover of all things blog!  I wish more people in my life blogged.  I wish I didn’t have writer’s block so often so I could dream up amazing topics and present you with wonderful, humorous posts.  I try though.  Some days I think I’m doing an okay job, and some days I look back and scoff.  Mostly it’s a chance for me to purge my feelings, however strong and emotional, or mild and seemingly unimportant, they may be.  I love commenting and making new friends via the blog world.  One of my favourite new blogs/websites which I have to give a shout out to, is The Birthing Site.  There’s a forum and the women who have created the site are support supportive and are constantly putting up new articles and videos on pregnancy, birthing, and postpartum information.

8. FERTILITY AWARENESS: I’ve talked about it lots, but I’m really into Toni Weschler’s book.  It should be incorporated into school curriculums as mandatory learning.  Toni’s book fits in there with the likes of Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women’s Health Collective, Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Christianne Northrup, and from what I’ve been told, Ina May Gaskin’s work as well (whom I’ve yet to read but she’s next on the list).  I’m excited to begin the progress of learning even more about my body.  I thought I knew lots, but I’m not even a quarter of the way into the book and Toni has already taught me lots.  You’re likely to read about some of my experiences into this new world, and I’d love to hear from more people who have learned more about their bodies through this method (or other natural methods) as well.

9. PODCASTS: For the bus ride to my mom’s (where we’re at now), I downloaded a wack of podcasts to listen to on my iPod.  Most were from the Pregtastic and New Moms, New Babies podcasts.  From what I could tell, the Pregtastic podcasts all start out with a round table discussion of pregnant women talking about the ups and downs of their pregnant experience thus far.  Obviously, if you read back to number 6, you will know that of course I appreciate and love this.  On both podcasts, they also have guest speakers, and each show has varying topics.  Because the iTunes store is wonderful, you can basically find any podcast you want, and lots of them are free too.  CBC has tons of great talk and indie music podcasts that I’ve got as well, including some of my favourite work out podcasts, Sweatin’ to the Indies.

10. EXERCISE: I know this one seems lame, and it kind of is.  But I’ve been hitting the gym as part of my get-fit-and-healthy routine, and I love it.  Not every day do I want to go to the gym, but once I am there and sweating, I feel so fabulous.  It is true what they say about exercise being a great way to reduce the negativity in one’s body.  I feel great after I’m done too.  Not only that, but it’s a wonderful way for me to have some ‘me’ time out of the house, and for Kyle to have some father and son time, inside of the house.  I think if I hadn’t started to exercise more, these silly post-partum hormones would be sinking deeper and deeper, rather than getting better, which is what I THINK they’re doing.  At least most of the time. 

That was actually a lot harder than I expected it to be.  I guess I don’t have as many obsessions as I thought I did?  Not any obvious ones anyway.  I’m a fan of lists though, and they’re easier to trudge through than a hearty post, particularly when I’m not feeling introspective enough to put together anything too big.  Now that you’ve hopefully and not too painfully made it through that list, re-read the first paragraph of this post and make my heart happy.  Much love to you, my lovely audience.  xoxo.

March 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm 4 comments

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