Posts tagged ‘reflecting’

Photo a Day May: A smell you adore – 8.

I almost put up a photo of my morning coffee, or the fresh blackberries I had for lunch, and even considered another photo of the boy (because we all know and love that baby smell, delicious), but when it all came down to it, I had to go with the very… thing that breathes the life, delicious, heaven scent smell into all of these – the one and only, air.  And of course, it has to be fresh.  Today was a day I have been waiting for, the day where I could sprawl out on the grass, my boy in my lap, and just breathe it in, take it all, one inhale at a time.  Yum.  And then, 5 o’clock daily freakout started, and that wonderful, calming, soulful thing called breathing it in became even more critical. Breathe. Fresh. Air. A constant reminder, to loosen up, to ease the anxiety, to chill.  And I will say this, toddlerhood is intense. I feel like it is a parenting secret that no one let me in on.  Maybe its a blocked memory? But oh.  Oh no. No no no. It is intense in the very best way.  These little souls are doing and learning and seeing so much. That is crazy, a wild ride, incredible.  Aaaand  then there is the other extreme.  Intense as well, and a little more… taxing? Taxing. I am trying to organize my life in my brain before I write, but right now all I can think of is the intense nature of it all.  And does anyone else think being a work-out-of-the-home mom is crazy nutty? Who thought of this anyway? Sigh. Breathe. Fresh. Air.

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May 8, 2012 at 8:03 pm Leave a comment

Photo a Day May: You – 6.

So some may say I cheated today. But I still took a picture, though it was a picture of a picture.  But, I took the challenge of ‘you’ today to another level. Because you, to me, could mean myself or someone I refer to as you. My boy, my lover, my pooch, etc. But nope, its me. Just rewind by about 26 years.  And seriously though, my son and I are twinsies.  He gets a lot of his features from me (could that be why he is often referred to as she or her?) and a lot of his expressions from ‘dad-E’.  Precious is as precious does.  Hope you are all enjoying the photo challenge as much as I am.

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May 6, 2012 at 10:47 pm Leave a comment

Heal the soul, Feed the heart.

I am so sick and tired about blogging how I never blog.  I am sick of starting posts with “I’m back” or “so I took an unintentional break.”  It’s all the same junk, all the time.  I take breaks, they are unintentional.  I have mini-meltdowns, I forget about my blog, I get up on the uppity and sail through my life without so much as a thought about my main writing outlet.  How dare I ignore myself, because this blog really is just an extension of that?  I prevent myself from writing about anything substantial, aside from the fact that when I am gone that is substantial but most definitely not the most substantial moment that has occurred since the last time I wrote.  SIGH DOUBLE SIGH.

I am not sure if I have made a promise before, to myself and to my blog.  Probably?  Kinda feel like I’ve been there done that with every sort of “I VOW TO BLOG ALL THE TIME EVERY TIME” deal, but please don’t judge as I am about to make it again.

Aside from my mini-explanation two days ago, I haven’t blogged in nearly three months.  That is an eternity.  Imagine something you thoroughly enjoy, now axe it out of your life for three months and imagine the sorrow.  My heart is filled with it, and then part of my heart gets mad because I am the only one that can change that and I haven’t done that.

I feel like I am at a very transitional point in my life, and in all honesty, I think I always will be.  As human beings, I think we always are, because we always are growing and changing, even if we feel we are pretty stagnant.   The last five months have been an incredible adjustment, and they totally still are, and I am still adapting.  I think C is too, though seriously, I feel like he is just going with the flow and is mostly loving it.  The boy loves daycare.  He loves his friends.  He loves his daycare provider.  That really just tickles me pink, it truly does.  Mainly, I am happy he is happy.   Daycare is not a choice for us but a necessity, at this point in our lives anyway.  If we had a choice, we wouldn’t be utilizing it, or at least not on a full-time basis, I already know this much is true.  I am pretty certain I would be much happier, more fulfilled and satisfied, if I was a mama who did not work out of the home or at least not on a full-time basis.  It feels awful to write such a sentiment, but it is what I believe.  The tricky part of this is, because it is not really an option right now, is navigating it so I still feel thoroughly fulfilled, and that I am providing my family and myself with the very best me possible.  That part, I haven’t yet figured out.  What I do know, is my boy is growing way fast, and I know that part of what I need to do is to let go of my hangups around what I can’t have, and focus on trying to enjoy what I do have.  It’s the quality now, not the quantity.  Wise words from some wise women.

Back in January (!!!) I talked about the growth I have been encountering, the changes I have been making, and while they are mostly the same, there’s even more to add to it, and that warms my heart deeply.  I’m still on my handmade gift only path, and we’re heading into the middle of April.  It’s so fun, so satisfying, and it really nurtures and helps to fulfill my creative soul.  I have sewn turtles and flax magic bags, made no-sew fleece blankets, made miniature taggy blankets, along with various other goodies.  I am learning skills left right and centre and I absolutely love it.  I’ve got to gather up some more tricks for my bag of crafts, because I’m needing a dose of fresh crafty ideas in my life, but for now this is good.

Another huge development in my life is that I registered for the Doula Training course that is offered here.  I am beyond thrilled for this new step in my life and I have this feeling, I just know, that this is going to be a good thing.  I questioned myself slightly before I registered, mainly because I had to drop a bit of cash in order to take the course, but I know deep, deep down that I am meant to do this.  It is my passion through and through, for various reasons.  I thought I’d get the birth high, then it would dwindle, but oh no, ohhh noo it’s still there, stronger than ever.  I am not obsessed, I am passionate.  The gig starts April 26, and is ten weeks long, one night a week.  I imagine I will branch out in the blog-world to have a doula biz site up, but that’s for another day.

As of Saturday morning, I have temporarily deactivated my Facebook account.  It was a decision that I had to do.  The clincher for me, was the struggle I actually had with clicking ‘Deactivate.’  I couldn’t do it, well I mean – I obviously did, but I hummed and ha’ed for quite some time, days, before I went ahead and did it.  That experience alone reinforced to me that I was far too addicted to it.  It had taken a hold of my life, and gripped it with all of its psychotic Facebook intensity.  SO not cool.  The whole smart phone phenomenon made it even worse.  Honestly?  Do I need to check my Facebook ALL the time? Just ‘to check’?  Highly unlikely.  But even more than that, was the psychopathic tendencies of Facebook, that is, if Facebook was a person.  Stalkerish, right?  Creepy.  And I was a part of the game.  I couldn’t let go of certain Friends on my Friends list, because the fun would end.  And by fun I mean, the ability for me to poke my head in on their virtual life at any given time.  I get that we are in the 21st century and social networking is the way of the future, but when does it become social psychopathic tendencies and not social networking anymore?  Hmm.  The privacy settings are shady at best, and I just needed a break..  It is not okay when I feel my blood pressure rise, my cheeks become rosy, at the sight of some ridiculous, attention-seeking status update by someone I really don’t even care about. That is not okay.  Sure, there are plenty of things I like about Facebook.  I like the support that some of the communities provide, the ability to see photographs of family and friends in faraway lands, but for now, for me, there are other ways to have these needs met.  And quite honestly, I’d like to spend a little bit more time talking to the people I care about instead of creeping on some jerk-face who I really don’t.

I am no longer seeing the counsellor I mentioned in my second last post.  Not because of anything more than we  really weren’t getting anywhere that significant.  It was alright, and she helped to somewhat shed light on a few issues I was struggling with, but it was not entirely what I needed.  In hindsight, I am not even sure know what I need.  We’re at that point, and I know it’s not a great point to be at, but it’s a starting point, and I know I am here, so I’ll roll with it.  And it’s nothing against psychologists, but that is not exactly what I am needing right now, I don’t believe.  So tomorrow the journey continues, and I will meet with a homeopathic doctor/social worker/counsellor in one.  She comes HIGHLY recommended and so I am quite anxious to have this experience.  I’ve got a couple of things I want to address, and I am also anticipating that she will guide the session and we will do some exploring.

As for my running shoes, they haven’t been laced up in way too long.  March came and went, and that is the hardest month of every year for me.  The winters are too long, and the spring lingers.  I love the first days of spring, but then let’s get this show on the road.  I am tired of cold mornings, and my cold appendages itch for warm skin.  The plan is to get out there and get running, again, because last summer when I learned that running was a total outlet for me, was one of the best summers ever, and I need that injection of wholeness, of light, and of endorphins, in my life, on a constant basis.  The issue right now is that I am feeling really unable to battle the brisk mornings, and so I’m anxiously awaiting the warm ones.  In time?

And without turning to ‘external’ sources of healing, I am mostly feeling very blessed, very privileged, to have this here family that I do.  My son provides me with an insane amount of beauty, life, and love, and I don’t even know how to say it properly.  He basically just blows my mind, over, and over, and over again.  Every little word he says, every thing he does.  He is the most beautiful soul, the most beautiful creature, the most beautiful beauty.  Yeesh.  so.much.love.  And thee baby-daddy, well aye, I get hung up on things, on complains, on this and that, but gosh darn, I am lucky.  Who ever thought I would be living in my small-but-its-cozy house, with a 17 month old, a 3 year old poochy, and a partner?  I am not sure I ever did, but oh boy, am I sure glad I do.

Happy Monday, friends, dream sweetly & sleep tightly.

April 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm 6 comments

A Poop-plosion.

This week has been a whirlwind. I am happy to say that it is done and we are on weekend time now, because quite frankly, weekend time is awesome time. Fun time. I went back to work on Monday and since then it has been up and down and up and down and down and down and up and down and down. Monday sucked, Tuesday was alright, Wednesday blew, and Thursday was better. Little dude is now a ONE YEAR OLD. Bizarre, just bizarre. Blows my mind outta the water. I am the mother of a toddler, a one year old… he’s still my baby, through and through. I’ve been meaning to do and still WILL do a post on the first year of the boy’s life, the first year of parenthood. Life has interrupted though and so here we are, weeks without a post, and I’m feeling lost. Is it super nerdy to say this blog here is a part of my life? I put pieces of my soul into this, you should feel special that you’re reading it. ;) So needless to say, I’m missing it.

So while the big sum-up post is not done, nor has it even been started, this post here is going to strictly be motivated by frustration. And annoyance. And some other lingering things, some parts of me, but mostly by those.

The boy has had a bout of diarrhea since Tuesday, and so we’ve been keeping an eye on him… and his diaper, of course. Tuesday brought forth many poops, one which required our daycare provider (I need to come up with a super awesome nickname for her, because that is what she is, is super awesome) to toss him in the tub and clean him up that way. Each diaper after that brought more, and more, and more poops. And each poop brought on more and more of a rashy, polka-dotted red bum. Wednesday was the same, 6 poops I think in total, which is out of the ordinary for my kiddo. And Thursday, same ole’ same ole’. In fact, Thursday morning before we took the boy to daycare, we had to bath him as well because it was seriously smeared all.over.the.place. At the end of the day Thursday when the diaper situation had not changed, we began to pay a bit more close attention to what was going on. And we still are but have not discovered much.

If you know anything about me, you know I’m not one to rush off to the doctor. Most issues that WE have dealt with have not been any that have required medical personnel intervention. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously some that do, clearly. But the whole diarrhea in a baby thing is new to us, and while that has been the only symptom, and other than that this kiddo has been happy as pie and living the life that is normal for him, diarrhea can lead to dehydration and that makes me a tad bit fearful.

SO that led me to calling the Health Line today and explaining what has been going on. Loose, watery stools, including a couple that showed up in his diaper this morning that can only be described as… Relish. With a side of mucus. She figured that we might want to get him checked out, just to be sure there is nothing really major going on. She wasn’t concerned, and I am not really either, but thought we’d drop by a local medi-clinic. FIRST MISTAKE. I hate medi-clinics. I think I can say that as a blanket statement too. Boo, a big fat boo.

We waited, actually not very long, and then the doctor came in and saw us. Gave us high fives (? but appreciated) and played with the kiddo for a couple seconds. Asked what the issue was, I explained, and then he started looking on his iPhone at what I can only assume is some high-tech top-notch App for medical professionals. He wrote out a prescription for Mryewoiruewoighnaiwo and said “anything else?” *FACEPALM* Uumm.. don’t you want to see the poop samples that I brought for you to check out? Nope. Do I need to restrict any food or milk? Of COURSE not. His bum looks awful and is splotchy and spotted, what about that? Keep doing what you’re doing. I leerily looked at the prescription, asked what it was and what it’s for. It’s for a stomach bug, it will kill it. Anything else?

That was our visit in a nutshell but I really promise you that it was not much more than that. I immediately gave Kyle The Look. He knew. I wanted a second opinion, or at the very least, I was not going to fill this stupid prescription. An antibiotic? For some bug? Do you even know what kind of bug it is, if it even IS a bug? He seriously did not even ask anything about the frequency or consistency of the poop. Okay, I GET that it is the only symptom, and that other than that my boy is fine, but it IS out of the ordinary for this kiddo. I don’t know what I went to the clinic expecting. But what I am not comfortable with is tossing some random antibiotic into my ONE YEAR OLD and being done with it.

I feel like I need to explain myself and defend myself, and I KNOW I DON’T, but I will anyway. I think that yes, antibiotics likely are necessary. But with that being said, they are CERTAINLY not as necessary as the frequency with which they are prescribed. In fact, I feel like loading my boy up with the probiotic drops we’ve got in the fridge, to further boost the good bacteria in his body, thereby hopefully helping to fight off the bad bacteria causing the poopsplosions… if that is what is causing them. We are pretty cautious about what we put into our own bodies, into the boy’s body, and into Lily’s body. So I was not happy.

We stopped by a pharmacy so I could ask some questions about the prescription. She seemed rather confused as to why it was prescribed, and explained that it is a very harsh medication, with harsh side effects. It is an antibiotic that kills “some bugs.” Exactly, right? SOME. So worst case scenario, the bug or whatever he has, is resistant to this Mruioewfuewiofuoi, and so he ends up with a horrid stomach ache, and persistent diarrhea and diaper rash. Joyous day. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it if it wasn’t necessary, and because the poo seems to be sort of subsiding as the day goes on, I didn’t fill it. She thought that it was a good idea as well, and if things really DID get worse in the next 24ish hours, I could always fill out, or even take him in to the ER where they would likely do a stool sample and further assessment to determine really what was going on with this little one’s intestines.

I feel disheartened and frustrated by the experience. I probably shouldn’t because I mean, I know that doctors and any health care professionals really, are not all mighty divinities who know everything and are the cure-alls to all our problems. Oh HELL no. But I like to have a little faith sometimes. Boost my faith, won’t ya? Show me that you are not all evil. I mean, I know that, I really do. We do have a family doctor and have been quite happy for the most part with our experiences with her, so I’m not completely “against” doctors or the world of modern medicine in general. But it is not the be all end all in all cases, absolutely not. Whether you are dealing with an ailment, an illness, a condition, or something wonderful such as pregnancy, birthing, etc… get second opinions peeps. Research. Educate. Know your stuff. Know your rights. Do not let someone do something to your body with which you may not be comfortable before you bulk up on some information, education, knowledge. Knowledge seriously IS power, and that can go both ways and be either a super positive and empowering thing, or used to someone’s advantage and switched around so that power is knowledge, in which case – not cool.

November 11, 2011 at 4:01 pm 7 comments

I am.

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Mama.
Daughter.
Lover.
Friend.
Sister.
Niece.
Granddaughter.
Passionate.
Runner.
Motivated.
Sensitive soul.
Open.
Heartfelt.
Soft.
Nerd.
Writer.
Social worker.
Sarcastic.
Doggy mama.
Fun.
Photographer.
Advocate.
Birthy.
Fighter.
Foodie.
Walker.
Natural?
Convinceable.
Educated.
Rich and poor.
Supported.

Only you can define yourself.  Who are you?

October 16, 2011 at 9:58 pm 4 comments

Newness.

To me, autumn has always stood for ‘change’ or at least the strong desire for change.  I get antsy at the end of summer, knowing fall is coming.  Fall always meant transition in terms of the school years.  I’d start grade 1, then 2… then high school… then university, then so on.  The first fall not going to university was weird, because I felt like I was playing some weird form of hooky.  Typically I want to do things in fall like take up a new hobby, change my sense of fashion, get a new hairstyle, or do something drastic.

This year, we’re going for low-key.

Hence.

The new template.  I checked out the new templates on WordPress, and this one specifically called out to me.  In a month, maybe it won’t, but for now, I’m all about the simplicity, the minimalistic approach.  There’s a few different things with the template – mainly being that blog subscriptions, recent & top posts, categories & tags, and archives are now at the very bottom of the page.  Other than that, I like how it’s streamlined.  I’m a fan of tweaking, and so I’d like to eventually tweak the template to my liking.  I love making new headers, so that might be something I attempt as well.

This weekend has been a busy one so far, and so my posts are always scrambled, ramshackled posts put together at the very end of the night, into the wee morning hours.  Not productive for my creative needs in the least, but it is what it is.

The biggie of the day, aside from the cake batter frozen yogurt topped with a whole shwack load of goodies from Pure Frozen Yogurt Bar, is that my boy is TEN MONTHS OLD.  So insane.  So bizarre.  So surreal.  He has been earthside longer]

than he has been wombside and that?  THAT is just, wow.  I still have days where I look at him, smiling, rolling, climbing, crawling around and think to myself, fer real?  You are mine?  Forever and ever?  How did I get this lucky?  How did I score this amazing life?  Of course, there are days where I look at him, screaming, crying, fighting sleep SO very VERY hard, and standing/climbing/sitting when he is supposed to be sleeping and think to myself, fer real?  You are mine?  AND YOU WON’T SLEEP?  NOT EVER?  How did I get this tired, this sleep-deprived?

But so yes, a whopping 10 months old he is, which, as I mentioned a couple posts ago, means we’re only 2 months away from Doomsday, rather, this mama’s return to work.  Can’t focus on it, can’t focus on it, can’t focus on it.  For now, I shall and I must and I will enjoy my boy to the fullest extent possible.   I just hate feeling like the next 2 months have to be solely spent preparing him for daycare, ensuring his sleep is top-notch, and ensuring he is ready.  I get that those things are important, but seriously, I’d rather be laughing and putting funny things on my head to entertain my boy rather than stressing out over ensuring that such and such “habit” is kicked because gosh forbid he carries that particular “habit” with him to daycare.  Double sigh.   HE.  IS.  A.  BABY.  With baby needs.  And really, my priority, is meeting those needs.

I ain’t no sucker, I’m just a mama.

Happy 10 months to my precious, <3

September 3, 2011 at 11:04 am Leave a comment

Hiatus.

I WAS on one, and it was not intentional.  But two weeks does go pretty fast.  And all I can think is 2 weeks multiplied about 5 times equals the amount of time before I go back to work and that is just insane and makes me sad and slightly anxiety-ish?  But not so much so that I cannot manage to live a satisfying and content, happy life.  Just so we’re clear.

So before I “get into it”, I’m setting a personal goal for myself and am inviting anyone to join me in this quest.  I vow to blog every day of September.  That’s 30 days straight of blogging.  And to clarify, blogging can be a photo, a smattering of words that may or may not make sense, a review of a product, or a random jumbled paragraph of what may seem like nothing.  I’ve taken this challenge on before, during other months, and I’m not even sure if I’ve succeeded.  So I guess we’ll see where this leaves me.  If I can complete a running program, surely I can exercise my brain, my spirit, my emotions every day at least once, right?

Sooooo, daycare.  A hot topic amongst our world and our family.  It’s on the very near horizon, and thankfully we’ve mostly sorted things out.  I found our caregiver on Kijiji, and the very next day, Kyle came home with contact information for a daycare provider recommended to him from someone at work.  It was the same person!  So, basically, my cosmical way of sometimes thinking tells me that there is something inherently right about this and so we ought to give it a shot.  We met with her, thought about things, though it didn’t take much as Kyle and I (especially me) tend to have a pretty good intuition about things like this.  Good vibes all around and so we decided it’s a go.  Having secured someone we felt good about and someone that appears to connect with the Boy slightly lessens my anxiety.  But it’s still there, oh no, it’s still there. 

We’re into September now.  Almost 24 hours into September, and only 1 month away from when I have to answer with “next month” when people ask me when I go back to work.  That’s only mildly frightening.  While I feel good about our daycare provider, and I know, deep down, that it will be good for Cade and that he will have a ton of fun, I sometimes feel slightly nauseous when I think about another person essentially raising our child.  Or at least providing a substantial great amount of care for him.   Now, my own mama is a daycare provider and has been since I was a wee tot, and so I don’t want to crush anyone by saying I feel sick about someone other than us caring for our child.  That’s not what I mean, and I know that it’s merely going to be an adjustment.  A big adjustment.  Like, a really huge adjustment.  I know that my mom has changed lives.  She has formed bonds, bridged gaps, and maintained relationships with children and families she’s provided care for.  That is huge and speaks volumes.  She’s doing something right, it’s obvious.

Cade doesn’t seem to “make strange” with other people, and so I’m hoping that sticks, because that is going to make this transition as smooth as possible.  I think.  For him and for us.   If he cries when we drop him off, and he very well might, I am going to lose my shit.  It’s not going to be pretty and I am going to be a blubbering mess.  To top things off, our work environment is converting to cubicles rather than shared offices.  That is also not going to be pretty, not if I’m a red, teary, snotty-nosed crying mess with nowhere to go.  I don’t want pity, I don’t want none of that, and I won’t have any of that, but I’m going to be needing to release big time.  Did I mention that I am often a blubbery mess at the best of times, let alone after I drop my son off at, essentially, a stranger’s house, to go to WORK after being off, bonding and getting to know my son, for ONE WHOLE YEAR?  Guh.  GUH.

I know I’m not the first.  I know I’m not the last.  This isn’t some weird, rare phenomenon that I am going back to work.  Though some of those crazy mean parents might think I am a horrendous parent for leaving my son and going back to work.  I guess so be it.  I know that I am not a horrendous parent.  I know that we don’t have an option and so we will make things work.  Do I wish we had done things differently in the past, had a whopping debt load of zero, and I could stay home or at least work very part-time, so I could be the primary caregiver meeting my son’s needs on a Monday-Friday basis?  Why, yes, yes I do.  But that is not how things have panned out and so I am coming to terms with what we have to do.

Like I said, I think that Cade is a pretty social little one.  I think he will be fine.  I think he will need an adjustment period to get comfortable, but he’s a human being, we all need to transition and we all need certain things to feel comfy.  Will I be looking forward to my EDO’s (every third Friday off) more than ever?  Uhh, loud and clear, YES YES YES!  Cade and I are going to have the best Fridays off in the whole entire world and I’m already looking forward to them, but not THAT much, because looking forward to them means I am that much closer to being back at work, and well, I’ve already ‘went there.’

The past year has been entirely transformative for me, for us.  It’s insane, really.  While I’m still me, I feel different and I feel like this person, ME, has sustained a whole lot of growth.  I guess becoming a parent does that to you, and it can happen pretty quickly.   From being pregnant, growing a life, a brain, a heart, limbs, a personality, inside of me for 9 months, to going through the marathon of labour and delivery, to turning into a parent just like THAT, I’ve changed.  Grown.  Realized new priorities, things in our life that are important to us now, that we didn’t think twice about before.  Life is different and while in many ways a lot more difficult, in every way, it’s better and more fulfilling.  While I’ve been fully emerged into the work of being a mama, I have been away from outside of the home work, and this too has made a huge impact on things.  For one, I never realized how fully consuming work can be and is.  5 o’clock means the physical work day is done, but as much as I like to think I don’t take stuff home with me, I DO.  TOTALLY.  It just happens like that, and I guess that is where self-care and being able to check-out to a certain degree come into play.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) the field of social work does not always make it easy to do that, and figuring out boundaries and a balance is one of the most challenging things ever.

I’ve been busy with a newborn, and then a baby who moves around non-stop, from rise to sleep, but I still have a brain that is thinking, processing, and working.  In a different way, yes, but it’s doing what it needs to be doing, and in that sense, life has taken a different turn.  I have a family now, and going back to work is going to be a huge shift and a really insane almost surreal adjustment.  Will I be a more efficient and effective social worker than I was before because I feel like my empathy has grown tenfold?  Or will I be a lousy worker because I will be too emotionally attached to everybody and everything?  A friend and I were talking once about how our emotions run so incredibly high after having a baby, and she stated that she felt it was because we feel like we have “given birth to everything” and so have a connection that is so.  Will this be the case at work?  I’m anxious, excited, and nervous to see where this “new” path of work leads me, my emotional well-being, and my family.  Chaos or connections?  Conundrum or charisma?

I’m constantly blasting Kyle’s ears off with self-revelations, affirmations on how I have grown as a person, ideas of where I want to go with my life, my career, my passions.  At this point, I have so many.  And while a lot of them are the same, some of them have changed.  It is going to be a balance of priorities, a balance of my passions, and a balance of my duties, in a sense.  Can I combine my birthy obsessions with social work?  I think I can.  I’ve always considered myself to be an empathetic, passionate, and caring person, and I feel like the transformation to motherhood has only enhanced these qualities in me.  I am more assertive, though some might argue that started when I was pregnant.  Though some might argue that my assertiveness was not assertiveness at all as much as it was aggression.  I would disagree, though I guess that point is moot.

SO while the subject of Hiatus has turned into much more than that, they are one and the same, really.  I sort of feel like my hiatus this past year, has been a hiatus from everything that once was, and now has turned into what is, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  For real.  I have less money than ever before, but for some reason I am happier and more fulfilled.  Gosh, I s’pose babies and children will do that to a mama.

September 1, 2011 at 11:03 pm 4 comments

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