Posts tagged ‘running’

Heal the soul, Feed the heart.

I am so sick and tired about blogging how I never blog.  I am sick of starting posts with “I’m back” or “so I took an unintentional break.”  It’s all the same junk, all the time.  I take breaks, they are unintentional.  I have mini-meltdowns, I forget about my blog, I get up on the uppity and sail through my life without so much as a thought about my main writing outlet.  How dare I ignore myself, because this blog really is just an extension of that?  I prevent myself from writing about anything substantial, aside from the fact that when I am gone that is substantial but most definitely not the most substantial moment that has occurred since the last time I wrote.  SIGH DOUBLE SIGH.

I am not sure if I have made a promise before, to myself and to my blog.  Probably?  Kinda feel like I’ve been there done that with every sort of “I VOW TO BLOG ALL THE TIME EVERY TIME” deal, but please don’t judge as I am about to make it again.

Aside from my mini-explanation two days ago, I haven’t blogged in nearly three months.  That is an eternity.  Imagine something you thoroughly enjoy, now axe it out of your life for three months and imagine the sorrow.  My heart is filled with it, and then part of my heart gets mad because I am the only one that can change that and I haven’t done that.

I feel like I am at a very transitional point in my life, and in all honesty, I think I always will be.  As human beings, I think we always are, because we always are growing and changing, even if we feel we are pretty stagnant.   The last five months have been an incredible adjustment, and they totally still are, and I am still adapting.  I think C is too, though seriously, I feel like he is just going with the flow and is mostly loving it.  The boy loves daycare.  He loves his friends.  He loves his daycare provider.  That really just tickles me pink, it truly does.  Mainly, I am happy he is happy.   Daycare is not a choice for us but a necessity, at this point in our lives anyway.  If we had a choice, we wouldn’t be utilizing it, or at least not on a full-time basis, I already know this much is true.  I am pretty certain I would be much happier, more fulfilled and satisfied, if I was a mama who did not work out of the home or at least not on a full-time basis.  It feels awful to write such a sentiment, but it is what I believe.  The tricky part of this is, because it is not really an option right now, is navigating it so I still feel thoroughly fulfilled, and that I am providing my family and myself with the very best me possible.  That part, I haven’t yet figured out.  What I do know, is my boy is growing way fast, and I know that part of what I need to do is to let go of my hangups around what I can’t have, and focus on trying to enjoy what I do have.  It’s the quality now, not the quantity.  Wise words from some wise women.

Back in January (!!!) I talked about the growth I have been encountering, the changes I have been making, and while they are mostly the same, there’s even more to add to it, and that warms my heart deeply.  I’m still on my handmade gift only path, and we’re heading into the middle of April.  It’s so fun, so satisfying, and it really nurtures and helps to fulfill my creative soul.  I have sewn turtles and flax magic bags, made no-sew fleece blankets, made miniature taggy blankets, along with various other goodies.  I am learning skills left right and centre and I absolutely love it.  I’ve got to gather up some more tricks for my bag of crafts, because I’m needing a dose of fresh crafty ideas in my life, but for now this is good.

Another huge development in my life is that I registered for the Doula Training course that is offered here.  I am beyond thrilled for this new step in my life and I have this feeling, I just know, that this is going to be a good thing.  I questioned myself slightly before I registered, mainly because I had to drop a bit of cash in order to take the course, but I know deep, deep down that I am meant to do this.  It is my passion through and through, for various reasons.  I thought I’d get the birth high, then it would dwindle, but oh no, ohhh noo it’s still there, stronger than ever.  I am not obsessed, I am passionate.  The gig starts April 26, and is ten weeks long, one night a week.  I imagine I will branch out in the blog-world to have a doula biz site up, but that’s for another day.

As of Saturday morning, I have temporarily deactivated my Facebook account.  It was a decision that I had to do.  The clincher for me, was the struggle I actually had with clicking ‘Deactivate.’  I couldn’t do it, well I mean – I obviously did, but I hummed and ha’ed for quite some time, days, before I went ahead and did it.  That experience alone reinforced to me that I was far too addicted to it.  It had taken a hold of my life, and gripped it with all of its psychotic Facebook intensity.  SO not cool.  The whole smart phone phenomenon made it even worse.  Honestly?  Do I need to check my Facebook ALL the time? Just ‘to check’?  Highly unlikely.  But even more than that, was the psychopathic tendencies of Facebook, that is, if Facebook was a person.  Stalkerish, right?  Creepy.  And I was a part of the game.  I couldn’t let go of certain Friends on my Friends list, because the fun would end.  And by fun I mean, the ability for me to poke my head in on their virtual life at any given time.  I get that we are in the 21st century and social networking is the way of the future, but when does it become social psychopathic tendencies and not social networking anymore?  Hmm.  The privacy settings are shady at best, and I just needed a break..  It is not okay when I feel my blood pressure rise, my cheeks become rosy, at the sight of some ridiculous, attention-seeking status update by someone I really don’t even care about. That is not okay.  Sure, there are plenty of things I like about Facebook.  I like the support that some of the communities provide, the ability to see photographs of family and friends in faraway lands, but for now, for me, there are other ways to have these needs met.  And quite honestly, I’d like to spend a little bit more time talking to the people I care about instead of creeping on some jerk-face who I really don’t.

I am no longer seeing the counsellor I mentioned in my second last post.  Not because of anything more than we  really weren’t getting anywhere that significant.  It was alright, and she helped to somewhat shed light on a few issues I was struggling with, but it was not entirely what I needed.  In hindsight, I am not even sure know what I need.  We’re at that point, and I know it’s not a great point to be at, but it’s a starting point, and I know I am here, so I’ll roll with it.  And it’s nothing against psychologists, but that is not exactly what I am needing right now, I don’t believe.  So tomorrow the journey continues, and I will meet with a homeopathic doctor/social worker/counsellor in one.  She comes HIGHLY recommended and so I am quite anxious to have this experience.  I’ve got a couple of things I want to address, and I am also anticipating that she will guide the session and we will do some exploring.

As for my running shoes, they haven’t been laced up in way too long.  March came and went, and that is the hardest month of every year for me.  The winters are too long, and the spring lingers.  I love the first days of spring, but then let’s get this show on the road.  I am tired of cold mornings, and my cold appendages itch for warm skin.  The plan is to get out there and get running, again, because last summer when I learned that running was a total outlet for me, was one of the best summers ever, and I need that injection of wholeness, of light, and of endorphins, in my life, on a constant basis.  The issue right now is that I am feeling really unable to battle the brisk mornings, and so I’m anxiously awaiting the warm ones.  In time?

And without turning to ‘external’ sources of healing, I am mostly feeling very blessed, very privileged, to have this here family that I do.  My son provides me with an insane amount of beauty, life, and love, and I don’t even know how to say it properly.  He basically just blows my mind, over, and over, and over again.  Every little word he says, every thing he does.  He is the most beautiful soul, the most beautiful creature, the most beautiful beauty.  Yeesh.  so.much.love.  And thee baby-daddy, well aye, I get hung up on things, on complains, on this and that, but gosh darn, I am lucky.  Who ever thought I would be living in my small-but-its-cozy house, with a 17 month old, a 3 year old poochy, and a partner?  I am not sure I ever did, but oh boy, am I sure glad I do.

Happy Monday, friends, dream sweetly & sleep tightly.

April 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm 6 comments

Comfort.

I thought I would pop in on a little break from my identity crisis and say hi.

Not really, I’m totally being really dramatic.  Identity crisis just seems like some fun way of making light of the embarrassing and miniscule issues I’m having with my personal style lately.  First world problem much?  God.  I’m like some kind of bad joke.

Basically, this is what I need to always remember, because in those moments where I’m feeling like garbage, for reasons related to personal goals, successes, and achievements, I have to think of this and get in this mind-set:

stolen from Erin’s Pinterest… again

So, yeah, that’s pretty true, for the most part.

I can think of two things that come to mind immediately.  Parenting and jogging.

Parenting is not always comfortable.  Not financially.  Not socially.  Not physically.  Not emotionally.  But its more MAGICAL than it is UNCOMFORTABLE that is foooooor sure.  And it’s not that it was never not in my comfort zone, but when I was pregnant, I had my doubts oh yes I did.  Turns out, I knew what the heck I was doing… kinda.  There’s just ebbs and flows, like, big time.  But not so much even the comfort stuff, is the magic that comes from parenting.  It’s big-time magic.  Sometimes it’s really hard to see that magic though.  Like when you haven’t slept and it’s 4am and the baby is still screaming.  Or conversely, same situation but the baby is wanting to play and you’re all like SLEEEEEEP. mommy wants some. NOW. NOW NOW NOW.  And maybe your voice isn’t as lovey-dovey and soft as it was earlier that day?   And also, I’m sure there are many magical moments that come along with that whole upcoming phase of toddlerhood.

And running.  Who ever thought I would tackle the physically uncomfortable (at least in the beginning) task of running?  for run.  like, not running away from some scary disastrous moment.  Running as a personal goal.  Running as therapy.  Heck no.  I did not want to be seen running down the street.  That was a major fear of mine, and, something that wasn’t in my comfort zone.  But I did it anyway, and magic happened.  I still swear to this day there were fireworks.  Real ones, not just the ones in my step, or my voice, or my eyes, or my heart, or my head.  I conquered it big time, and I’m still going with it.  I’m still running, not AS regularly as before, and I can tell, because my spirit is going dooooown with every day that passes that I don’t run or exercise.  It is something I need to do.  Is it something I want to do?  Nope.  Not every day.  Especially as this weird autumn winter seasonal thing is creeping up.  Note to self: up the Vitamin D, up up up.  And get my ass off the couch.  Even there – there’s that comfort thing again.  Does it feel good to sit on the couch?  Yup.  Better than it does to get all geared up and run.  But the magic happens when you run, when I run, and the magic happens after I run, too.  That magical shit lasts on and on and on.  It’s something I have to do, I really, really have to.  I can’t say it enough.  It is my therapist.  It is my bag of chips with a cheap-ass little container of dip.  It is my friend and I have to be kinder to it and more giving like it has been to me.

Soooooo my friends.  Get out there and do shit you’re fearful of.  It feels really really freakin’ good.  There’s bumps, sure.  There’s pains, and there’s hurt, and most of all there’s joy and there’s MAGIC.  That is the best part.  And if they had chosen a different phrase than “where the magic happens” or even substituted a different word for “magic”, this little mini flow chart might not be as cool or inspirational.  Magic just has a certain ring to it, and it works for me.

What have you tackled outside of your comfort zone, or what do you plan to take on in future endeavours? 

October 13, 2011 at 9:12 pm 2 comments

Keep Calm + Carry On.

Well well well, another evening post wherein I have not learned that posting in the late evening is probably not my best bet.  I shall attempt this over and over again until it REALLY bites me where I don’t want to be bitten.  But for now, I will obey my post every day in September personal challenge, and just DO it.

Since I spent 9 weeks (!!!) posting incessantly about running, running, and running, I feel it somewhat necessary to make this a sort of ongoing (ish) theme of this here blog.  I haven’t talked about running in a LONG time, so here goes nothing.

Laura from Ink and Sheep (go check out her amazing crafty abilities, she wow’ed me, let her wow you too!) commented yesterday, and asked some questions that prompted this post:

“I’m curious to know if you’re still running now that you finished the 9 weeks and what your next running goals are? Or maybe it inspired you to make other changes in your life? Or maybe other things you’d like to achieve, whether they are running related or not.”

I am shocked and apalled, slightly, that I managed to let running take over my life for several weeks, in fact – I welcomed running into my life – and then I just kinda forgot about it.  On my blog, anyway.  I am happy, proud and so satisfied to announce that I am in fact still running.  And I am still giving it my all.  Ish.  It’s a weird thing, you see.  I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned it, or maybe I have and just forgot, but we got temporarily gifted a used jogging stroller that was not being used, and so since I wanted to do the program all over again and focus on speed, I thought, hmm, jogging stroller – check, C25K program again – check, I may as well combine the two, and so I have.  It feels like a completely new endeavour, in a sense.  It’s weird doing the program again – because part of me wants to slack a bit since I know that I can do it, and so it’s not AS challenging, but part of me is struggling just a tad because well, it’s harder jogging with a stroller.  I never realized how much I used my arms to gain momentum, and to help push me, but turns out I use them more than I thought I did.  It also turns out that while jogging strollers glide smoother than your regular ol’ everyday stroller, you’re still pushing weight and running while pushing that weight, and while that makes for a bit of a strength-building workout combined with running, it makes for one tired mama.  Add Lily and her leash into the mix and it’s sort of a mish-mash at times.

BUT, it’s really not that bad, and dare I say it, easier than I thought jogging with a stroller and a dog would be.  It’s probably a blessing that Lily only weighs 5lbs, but that’s beside the point…

So that is my current running goal.  To finish the C25K again, with Lily AND Cade, both my babies.  Lily still loves it, and Cade also loves chilling out in the stroller while we run throughout the streets, takin’ it all in.  We’ve been going in the morning before his morning nap, and it works out well.  It’s been incorporated into our routine easy enough and I love that I am able to take Cade with me, and that he will actually SEE me working out, running my face (+ heart + soul) off like crazy, to the best of my abilities.  When he’s older, this will be even more important, but for now it works and I am glad that it is just one more activity we are able to do together that is healthy, and that I can tell him about when he is older.

Becoming a mother and learning how to run and how to not fear running (or parenthood, for that matter) have been two of the most transformative experiences of my LIFE.  I don’t feel like I have the proper words, energy, or insight (like I said, I suck + it’s late) right now to capture this in the essence that I’d like, but they have literally made me do a 360.  Sounds so cliche maybe but I am learning that I can do things.  It’s so simple but not.  It’s so difficult but not.  I. can. do. things. Like be a little bit selfless, but not so much so that it is damaging to my family.  Like take care of myself.  That one is the clincher.  I need to take care of myself more than ever, because I want to be able to run around the yard and the park, playing chase, playing tag, running after pseudo-animals Cade has created in some crazy toddler game.  I want to model healthy behaviours, habits, and lifestyle to Cade and our future children, so that they can adopt these practices and ways of living into their life, and then pass it on to their little ones, our future grandchildren, that is if they choose to have children (please!  I can’t wait to be a grandma ;).

I have never eaten so healthy in my life.  I have never done so many ‘green’ things in my life.  I have never cared SO much about my health, ever.  Health is so holistic, and too often when we think healthy, we think eating and exercising right but it is SO much more than that.  That is a small tiny fraction of the whole deal, and while it’s important, it is not the be all end all.  Emotional connectedness rings so true with diet + exercise.  Look at the whole issue of overeating and eating disorders and stress and what have you.  Now tie that to issues with weight, be they being “too thin” or “too heavy” (yes, I know, according to what standards, that’s another issue for another day though).  Emotions and eating are one and the same for a lot of people.  How many people eat when they’re happy?  Sad?  Excited?  Proud?  Angry?  Hurt?  Anxious?  I know I’ve certainly got an issue with food and I am pinpointing it by the DAY, analyzing when I eat and how I eat.  I don’t obsess over it but I have certainly noticed patterns, and they often aren’t healthy.  I have begun to change these patterns, and I have abolished eating at night, almost completely, unless I’m really ravished and I can grab something healthy.  I am trying to stop rewarding myself with food, because this is such a temporary fix, and I have seen how damaging eating for social reasons is and can be.  I still do it though.  I still eat socially.  It’s like someone who has issues with alcohol, my issues with food are similar.  I don’t want to down play someone’s issues with alcoholism at all and that’s not what I am trying to do, but I think food addiction is real, very real, and takes some serious acknowledgement and inner healing work to combat.  Honestly, having a year off of work to stay home and learn about my son, get to know him, has helped me to get to know myself better too, because the person I am projecting to him, the person I am to him is the person that I AM, plain and simple.  Who do I want him to know as a mother?

I have had a year to get to know myself better, and to work on things that were not jiving with my life.  Taking up running was one huge step in the right direction, and it completely helped me to begin to tackle these weird eating habits of mine.  Begin to tackle, being the key words there.  It is an ongoing process for me, and I think it will be, always.  It takes much serious dedication and empowerment.  While diet + exercise are not the be all end all as I touched on before, they do go hand in hand for me.  One motivates the other, and for me, that works.  They also motivate every other aspect of health that I need to focus on too, and they all go together like a nice and neat puzzle.  It just fits together, so, so perfectly.  When I’m running, and taking care of THAT part of my body and my mind, I need to put the appropriate fuel and energy into my body, or I will crash, and crashing never got anyone good did it?

I am not perfect and I do not make perfect choices.  My choices are sometimes motivated by something that isn’t healthy or wholesome for me.  Will I go ahead and have that social drink, those few social wings, just because I want to and it’s fun to sit around and reminisce over a couple cold ones and some sticky appetizers?  You bet I will.  You can also bet I won’t do that everyday, and you can also bet that I will be putting ten times as much good stuff into my body, not to make up for that, but because it’s what I need, it’s what I crave.  Likewise, there will also be days where I sit on the couch and decide not to run, because my body and my soul and my heart are craving a break, some downtime, and I need to feed my body what it is feeding me.  It is a two-way street, and because it is giving me, allowing me, the time to reflect and to have some quiet, down-time, I feel that I need to respect that, and listen to what my body is telling me I need.

And on that note, my body is severely screaming and yelling and fighting me right now for sleep.  It has been since I opened up WordPress to type this here ditty to y’all.  I made an imperfect choice and ignored that need, and now it’s time to give in.

So tell me dear friends, dear readers, what positive and healthful changes have you made in your life recently?  What inspired them? 

September 7, 2011 at 11:43 pm 4 comments

But it’s not a word I’m familiar with.

Today I set out to run just for fun, rather than following a specific time.  Well at least partially just for fun – I did have a goal in mind, and that goal was to run 5km.  I’ll first begin by saying, I didn’t meet my goal, but I came absolutely very close and I ran the furthest I have yet to run which is incredible in and of itself.  I ran a whopping 4.35km in about 32 minutes!  My pace was about 7:20/km.  I am blowing my own personal goals RIGHT out of the water and I truly cannot believe it.  I feel so fit and strong, and I know I can only get fitter and stronger.

When I was running today, I was blogging in my head.  I thought to myself, I’m going to write “So, today I ran 5K, but it took me such and such time.”  And then I decided I wouldn’t write but, and then I came up with a reason why, and that’s because but implies that there is something wrong with the words written or mentioned or said before the but, and in this case, there most definitely is nothing wrong with them.  So instead, I thought, I’ll say “So, today I ran 5K, AND it took me such and such time.”  There, there’s nothing to contemplate there about any time being a bad time, because there is no such thing.  Completion is the running theme in my new world of running, and I’m happy to say that I am kicking completion’s ass and so on and so forth.

Nine weeks ago today I started the running program, and I finished it a couple days ago.  Nine weeks ago, Kyle took pictures of me, and he did the same thing for a couple weeks afterwards, and then we forgot.  Today I got him to take pictures of me too so I could compare and wow, am I ever glad we did that.  It’s so neat to SEE progress, obvious progress in my humble opinion.  I was going to compare the pictures from June 26 to now because they seem to be more drastic of a difference, but these are from June 5, the very first day of the C25K.  I think I was sucking in on the pictures, which is super funny to me, but I can see results.  I look more fit, I look stronger, more toned (still a long way to go) and I am FAR more curvy which I love.  Next summer, I have promised myself, I will rock a vintage swimsuit from Popina.

So here are the photos.  I have some work to do on my arms, but this is me in all my running gear glory.  My next goal is to be able to do push-ups.  Heck, A PUSH UP would be nice.  Seriously, I can’t fully do a push up without crashing to the ground.  But if I can go from dying after running for 60 seconds to running 4.35km, surely I can eventually do a push-up or two, right?

 

Shazam!

Love it.  This picture thing has got me motivated, which is why I decided to have some nachos tonight for supper with my main squeeze.  Totally don’t regret it, but totally don’t plan on always rewarding myself with snacks.  A girl’s gotta live a little, once in awhile, and indulge in some good old fashioned nach-as, right?

And I’m sorta kidding when I say I’m motivated and so I ate.  These days, motivation for me transpires into MORE MORE MORE movement of my body, which is what I wanted to see.  Motivation transpires into creative ideas to get moving, to get healthy, and to give my body what it needs.

I need to find an awesome design for this blog because I am BORED with it.  If anyone wants to help me that would be awesome, and if not, well, screw you, I can do it on my own.  I don’t have a paid WordPress account so I’m sort of stuck with certain settings, but I’ve made it work in the past and I’ll do it again, I just need some creativity injected into my veins, that’s all.  I also need to refresh my About Me page but I’m really struggling with writing a mini-bio.   It’ll come, I tell myself, but if I’m not even really trying super hard, do I really expect it to magically appear, all properly laid out, grammatically correct, and witty?  Likely not.

Expect an awesome post of Cade-isms in the next couple of days.  That dude is seriously FUNNY shit and I have some uber cute stories of things he does and what have you.  Gosh, he makes me laugh.  He makes me smile. He makes me want to go and wake him up for a late-night before bed snuggle.  I WILL regret saying that when he wakes up screaming in a couple hours.  Which he won’t do because now I’ve put it out there and it would be far too coincidental if that happened.
 

 

 

August 7, 2011 at 11:19 pm 12 comments

C25K: Week 9 Day 3, The End!

Or, graduation, as it is called in the Couch-2-5K world.

I DID IT.

I am so stinkin’ proud of myself for completing this program, for running 3 days a week for 9 weeks, no setbacks, nothing, just perks and awesome progress.

I conquered a fear.  I went from a place of complete and utter exhaustion after several interval runs of 60 seconds each, to this, to 30 minutes of running non-stop, and to feeling like I could continue to pound the pavement for many more minutes.   I’ve stuck to my word and I’ve run 3 times a week, as well as basically walked every day of the week.  I have NOT done strength training on the off days as planned, but I do plan to.   That’s the hardest part though – setting out and doing it.  Heading off to the gym, or even the backyard, with a few weights, and going at ‘er.  This is something that I really need to do though, because I really feel my lung capacity building and building, but my overall body strength doesn’t really seem to match up.  I feel like I am and would be capable of more more more and my endurance could be greater, it’s just that I need to build myself up.

I also have not taken weekly photos or measured myself weekly as I had planned.  That’s kind of a bummer, but I’m okay with it.  I would like to measure myself this weekend, weigh myself, and see officially where I’m at.  I think I’ve lost about 11-12 lbs, given what the scale tells me on any given morning, which is my own personal legit weigh-in that I have come to rely on.  The most important thing of all is I feel stronger, I feel healthier, and I feel happier.  The running has taken over this huge health component of my life and has strongly encouraged me to pursue other healthy habits.  Everything in my life, since having Cade, has had such an amazing and positive domino effect that shit, I really have a LOT to thank that little guy for.  For reals though.  Cloth diapers have motivated me to be more enviro-friendly in other areas of my life, hence my deep desire to get a Diva Cup very soon, to use our own cleaning supplies and rid of the chemicals, to minimize the use of plastic snack bags and what have you.  Exercising with such a strong and intense purpose has motivated me to put good stuff into my body, to consume loads and loads of water, and to model this to my boy, so he in turn will feel good about treating his body with respect and love.  Gosh, I really do owe this little angel a lot.  Give it up for Cade, y’all!  And that’s not even the half of it.  Cripes.

I shed a few tears on my run last night.  Did I mention that I am also a sensitive and fragile being since I’ve experienced pregnancy, birthing and becoming a mother?  It’s ridic.  I cry at everything.  I think I actually have mentioned it. It’s a pretty strong and rampant theme in my life right now, so it absolutely trails into my running. I’m one of those saps that chokes up at silly TV commercials. I am one of them.

This whole journey has been extremely emotional and empowering for me. I have shown myself that I can DO things. This body is capable of a whole lot that I might not have thought it was a couple years ago. A whole lot of it is mental. I really had to put my mind to it, I really had to set out and convince myself, tell myself, that I am a capable, strong woman, who can DO shit. And I DID shit, alright. This body, this big ol’ body that I have criticized, that I have had up and down relationships with, that I have loved and loathed, is now one of my friends. We’re becoming all chumpy and what not, once again, and you know what, it feels really good. I am learning to respect it and treat it how it wants to, needs to and should be treated. Rome wasn’t built in a day though, and so we too are learning. How can I treat myself, my body, the vessel that carries all my own most preciousness, in such a disastrous way and expect it to reward me with life? I absolutely cannot, that is not an option and the only thing that was getting in the way of that was fear and self-loathing tendencies. It’s not fair to my family and it is not fair to me to have went on beating myself up, theoretically I mean, with food and bad energy and sedentary ways. So we’re on this journey and I feel so very committed to it, and I can’t even really say that. I don’t feel like it’s apart from me, I don’t feel like it is something tangible that I must grab a hold of and commit to. I feel like I have truly and genuinely internalized the shit out of it, this new way of living, and so now we just motor on, going about our life, because that’s just the way it is.

August 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm 5 comments

C25K: Week 9 Day 2

Soooooooooo close!  I THINK this might have been my best run yet.  I ran 3.88km in 30 minutes, and combined with my warm-up and cool-down, I did 4.8km in about 38 minutes.  Not too bad really, right?  I’m kinda impressed with myself.  Slightly.  I did a few calculations and given my running pace/distance, it took me on average 7.7 minute to run 1km, so at that rate, it would take me about 38.5 minutes do run 5km.  AWESOME!

I can’t believe I have 1 more run and I am done.  Just like that.  And to be honest?  As much as I want to believe in myself, and as far as I’ve come, I wasn’t always at this place.  Before I started, I doubted.  I really wondered if I would make it this far.  Of course I WANTED to but if I could and would was another story.  I’ve joined many gyms, different programs, classes, and what have you.  I typically get bored by things after a couple months, but not this.  I feel like I am just getting started, and that?  That feels amazing.

The runner’s high is like no other and it is starting to control my life.  Everything I do reflects back to running (well, and of course being a mama!) and I am pumped.  I had this revelation tonight when I was running, and it was that now that I have started running, there is no looking back.  That is not an option, because if that happens, and I come to a standstill, I’m going to have to start at square one again.  And while there might not be anything wrong with that for you, there is a LOT wrong with that for me.  I feel like this has just been weaseled into my routine, I’ve adapted it and we’re friends now, like, besties.  I can’t let go of this, because if I do, I’m letting go of a very important goal, a dream, and letting go of dreams just seems so… emo?  And lame.  And discouraging.  So we won’t go there.

I say we make August the month of really tackling those pesky fears, of really letting go, grabbing a hold of them, and wrestling them to the ground.  I started this program and June, and this is where we’re at now, almost done.  June was the beginning of my tackle all the fears in the world way of living, and so far so good.  It was not only a huge success, but it has continued to be, and it has only grown.

I know I’ve compared running to breastfeeding, and I think I’ve compared it to birthing as well, but can we go there again please?  Birth can be such a huge mind thing.  With mental blocks and the works.  It’s like running.  They’re both physiological to an extent yes, but I think a huge part of it is that we have to go DEEP within ourselves and git’er done.  We need to conquer it in whatever way is going to make us feel most comfortable.  For some people birthing, that is in a hospital and for some it is in a home.  For some runners, that is running on a busy street and for some it is running on the back streets, along the river at dusk.  There’s a lot of preparation that needs to go on.  Education.  Research.  Building up your knowledge base.  Healing your heart and going forward.  When I was about to give birth to Cade, when I was labouring, I kept checking in with myself, making sure I felt like I was in a good head space, making sure I felt positive and empowered.  I do the same when I’m running.  I remind myself that I am capable of this because I am this.   It’s like one of my favourite birthing mantras – you can overcome and work through the contractions, they are not stronger than you, you are the contractions.  Sounds fluffy and crunchy, but I think it ought to work.  I never really realized that or internalized that until after I birthed my precious boy, but I think that statement is incredibly powerful and important.  I know birthing and running are not the same, trust me, I realize that.  What I am doing is comparing my mind sets in both of them, and pointing out how similar they can be for me, and why they have both transformed my mindset and the way I live my life in such huge, powerful ways.

So day 3, let’s do this.  It’s going to be a good one, a big one, and I’m not going to wrestle you to the ground, because that wouldn’t be very indicative of where we started and how far we’ve come.  I’m going to grab you, love you all up, get all huggy and romanticize the shit out of you.  You’re a run, I’m a runner.  Let’s do this.

August 2, 2011 at 10:52 pm 2 comments

C25K: Week 9 Day 1

We’re in the final stretch now and it feels OH. SO. GOOD.

I’ve been saying and thinking “I’m doing this! I’m doing this!” all along, and pretty soon I can say “I DID IT!” and do you know how friggin’ good that feels?  Conquering a fear, something I told myself I couldn’t do, and instead, went on to prove myself, and I’m sure many other naysayers wrong?  Shit yeah!  I belong in some kind of new club or something now.  I feel like when I see people running, and I’m just out for a leisurely walk, I want to yell out, “I can do that too!  I’m just not doing it right now.”  

I did my first run of the last week on a treadmill, because by the time I got my butt in gear to go, it was way too flippin’ hot and I didn’t want to battle heat exhaustion like last time I decided it was an amazing idea to git’er done in the sun.  I don’t know my exact distance, because the treadmill kept turning off whenever I’d switch the fan on, but I THINK it was almost 3 miles, which is aaaaaaaawesome for me, best yet.  There was a time where I had the speed set to 5.5 mph!  But my average was about 5.0 mph, which is still a huge step.  The only other time I ran on a treadmill, I was running at about 4.3 mph, and that was week 6 day 3 I think?  We’re making headway, oh yes we are.

My weight loss is at about 10 lbs, I think I’ve posted that before, but even more awesome is my energy level has increased and I am very aware of that.  My clothes are fitting looser, and I feel like I “take up less space” than I did before.  I am learning to love my body again, but we’ve still got some work to do.  I went through a nasty phase when I was a few months post-partum.  It was hard and difficult and… interesting, because I had worked so long to come to a sort of peace with my body and its “imperfections.”  So when my mind came crashing down and tried to tell me to hate on myself, I sort of listened to it at times, and we were not in a happy place as much as we should’ve been.  But we’re getting there!  We’re working on it, and there are so many contributing factors, including… my happy pills (Vitamin D and Omega 3’s), sunshine, exercise, well-balanced diet and treating myself one day a week, and most of all, my fricken’ awesome little family and life I’ve got going on here.  I’ve got to do a lot of reminders, daily almost, because I see things I don’t have but desperately want, and then I start to feel like a little kid and am sad that I can’t have such and such.  That’s when I have to take a tiny little step out of my mind, look at what I’ve got, as cliche as maybe it sounds, and re-evaluate.  We do that a lot lately.

I’m trying to think of a way to treat myself after I finish this program.  One thing I am doing is going out with a couple of my besties on Thursday.  I don’t do it very often so that will be a huge treat, however, I’d like to personally reward myself with something.  It’s hard when money is tight, so it can’t be anything too extravagant, and I don’t necessarily want it to be something food-related either.   Anyone have any ideas?   I’d love to buy myself a brand spankin’ new pair of awesome, pro-fitted runners, because I know that I need them to avoid potential injury, but I’d be looking at about a hundred dollar bill there.  We’ll see.  I haven’t bought myself new running shoes for about… 3 years, so, yeah, it’s probably really bad that I’m running in these ones, but they are in decent shape.  Still though, I need to get in on the shoe market SOON before I smash my feet all up.  So throw your ideas at me and we’ll see what we can do.

Oh and totally not C25K related, but I’m taking on a little project and I’m having a lot of fun with it.   I’m now an Admin on the Facebook page for The Birthing Site.  It’s awesome, informative, and fun.  I love to support amazing people as they go through an amazing stage in their life, and I am learning a lot.  You should come check it out.  You don’t have to agree with all of the articles posted, or links, or what have you.  We are welcoming of ALL birthing experiences, not just “natural”.  The main thing is we encourage woman to be educated about what ALL of their options may be, so they can make the right choice for THEM, which may not be the right choice for anyone else, but that’s not the important thing.  Come and say hello!

August 2, 2011 at 12:09 am 4 comments

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